I'm so depressed

[Lube]

Someone close to me (and, yet, not really close to me) who's under 25 and who is absolutely blatantly, almost obscenely-flamboyantly gay, has proposed to a woman.

Maybe that's why I get so frustrated with guys here (both thread starters and people responding) who refuse to read between the lines and only believe things that people state point blank.

Humans are not machines. We have delicate emotions. We are afraid. We don't like to state uncomfortable things.

You cannot believe everything that people tell you.

Wake up, my fellow gay men. Please.

This man apparently thinks people believe him when he says he loves women. He is so blatantly gay, he makes Liberace look conservative. Family and friends talk about him.

He is totally living in a fantasy land. He, and only he, believes his lies.

Please, guys, don't do this to yourselves.

I am sick to my stomach. Literally. (Not figuratively; literally)

/End of rant.

 

[G-Lexington]

And you're letting him?

Lex

 

[thatguygus]

Sorry to hear that Lube I always see you trying your best to help people accept who they are but in the end the only people that anyone truly listens to are themselves. Like you say only he believes his lies and if he can't face up to the truth then he'll only make his fantasy land a nightmare for him and his 'wife'

 

[Telstra]

Someone close to me (and, yet, not really close to me) who's under 25 and who is absolutely blatantly, almost obscenely-flamboyantly gay, has proposed to a woman.

Maybe that's why I get so frustrated with guys here (both thread starters and people responding) who refuse to read between the lines and only believe things that people state point blank.

Humans are not machines. We have delicate emotions. We are afraid. We don't like to state uncomfortable things.

You cannot believe everything that people tell you.

Wake up, my fellow gay men. Please.

This man apparently thinks people believe him when he says he loves women. He is so blatantly gay, he makes Liberace look conservative. Family and friends talk about him.

He is totally living in a fantasy land. He, and only he, believes his lies.

Please, guys, don't do this to yourselves.

I am sick to my stomach. Literally. (Not figuratively; literally)

/End of rant.

did you mean him ...

He is cured !!!!!!!! but still sucking cocks me think.
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpW-P96HLSQ[/ame]

 

[trawler69]

Hopefully the woman will see it as well and turn him down

 

[Lube]

And you're letting him?

Lex

Good question, Lex.

That's why I'm literally sick to my stomach (and why I can't sleep--it's 4 am and I've been tossing & turning all night, thinking about this).

I mean, how much can I do, without setting him off?

People here are always warning about gay men having to deal with it on their own timetable. And I agree (I try to advance/compress the timetable, but ultimately it's up to them). I don't want this guy committing suicide because he couldn't accept himself and I pushed him too hard. So I'm trying to balance my desire not to see him fuck up his and his wife's life with his need to accept himself.

What can I do? We don't live nearby, so I can't physically meet him and chat over coffee. I don't know his phone number, and--being the only out gay person in my extended family--I'm sure he'd freak if I asked his parents for his phone number (why do I want to talk to him?). The best I could do without his family being suspicious was that I searched for and found him on Facebook and sent him a message a few months ago, but he'd freak if I tried to "friend" him since I haven't friended anyone else in his family. (Again, the question would be asked, why am I friending him?)

The message I sent him on Facebook was very generic and talked about me learning to accept myself and how I hoped it would help other people in the family--I never specifically mentioned homosexuality, but instead talked about doing what you really want to do in life regarding life, relationships, religion, and jobs (he has a quirky dream job that his family has discouraged). Again, if I mentioned the "gay" word I'm sure he'd have freaked.

I got no reply from him, nor a friend request.

And, you know, I remember what it was like when I was denial (it was only 4 years ago, oddly enough). You believe your own lies. You don't want to see the truth.

I feel that there's only so much I can do.

But if you have suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

 

[Lube]

Sorry to hear that Lube I always see you trying your best to help people accept who they are but in the end the only people that anyone truly listens to are themselves. Like you say only he believes his lies and if he can't face up to the truth then he'll only make his fantasy land a nightmare for him and his 'wife'

Yeah, that's why I'm so depressed. This crap shouldn't happen in this day and age.

His parents are very very liberal, so it's not as if they're making gay jokes at home or anything. I'm not sure why he's going down this path. But gay man are notorious for being the "good little boy" and trying to do the "right" thing.

 

[Lube]

Hopefully the woman will see it as well and turn him down

Unfortunately, she's quite religious and so is her family, and her family is putting pressure on them to get married (I think they might be living together).

 

[NineOfClubs]

Lube, this is a long shot, even I don't believe it, but maybe he is straight.

I used to frequent a business that employed the most FLAMING man. However I eventually learned he was married and the father of several children. There are actually queeny straight guys. He was one. I'm fairly sure of it.

Before everyone jumps on me for being absurd, try to remind yourselves of all the gay men you know who seem, on the surface, to be 100% straight. Even all the self-described "straight-acting" gays on JUB.....

 

[Lube]

^ Thanks, Nine, but I don't believe the queeny-straight-guy thing. Especially ones with children. I call those the "doting father" type--the ones to whom their kids are more important than their wife or marriage. Think Matt Lauer.

I had an ex-bf who's brother was like that. Total flamer. Far gayer than me or my bf. But he (and his flannel-wearing wife) were devout Catholics.

 

[NineOfClubs]

I have to ask.

Outside of mannerisms and such, how do you know?

Did someone tell you about a sexual encounter he had with the guy? Did you catch him in the act? Do you have actual proof?

 

[Lube]

I never had sex with a man--not even a kiss--until I was 43.

Did that mean I was straight? No.

Being in the closet and being in denial are two very, very different things.

 

[NineOfClubs]

Well, in my case it was 37 years old.

But are you basing this whole supposition on your own "Gaydar"? And nothing else?

 

[Lube]

Ack. This is what I don't get here at JUB: Why do gay guys, of all people, think someone has to stand up and shout "I AM GAY" for us to believe that someone is gay?

With all the deceit that gay men have perpetrated over the millennia, why do we demand 100% undisputed proof? And would we believe it, anyway?

People have a million reasons to lie to themselves and to lie to others. Everybody lies. I've lied. You've lied.

Have we never met people that everybody thought was gay? Whispers from friends and family?

Do we really believe these people are straight until they proclaim from the hilltops that they are gay, or we catch them in the act? Ack!

 

[Lube]

Why were there whispers around Lance Bass but not Walter Cronkite?

People aren't just taunted for no reason. There are clues. Real clues. And Lance Bass couldn't suppress them and finally came out.

 

[Lube]

He's got a brother who I'm 80% convinced is gay. I mean, I'm pretty damn sure his brother is gay. But, who knows, I could be wrong. I'm willing to admit my gaydar is not 100%.

But this guy--wow. He's so gay, he makes Liberace look tame.

That's not a bad thing. He's a super nice guy--very funny and great to be around.

But he is undoubtedly, 100% gay. People roll their eyes when they talk about his "girlfriend". It's not just me. It's so sad because he is fooling no one. But in his denial, he's convinced himself that he's straight.

So, so sad.

The Emperor Has No Clothes.

The Elephant in the room.

Pick your cliché.

 

[NineOfClubs]

So?

Ryan Seacrest?

Keanu Reeves?

Governor Crist?

Senator Graham?

 

[Lube]

Why are JUBbers in so much denial about gay men being different from straight men?

There's the inevitable threads on "Why do people think I'm gay because..."

... I drive a certain car?
... I like certain sports?
... I have certain hobbies?
... I like certain music?

Time and time again, a quick Google search shows gay sites devoted to these topics; informal polls showing a preponderance of gays with these things; and even advertising campaign descriptions showing that companies are actively advertising these products at gay men.

Check out the VW thread in hot topics, for example.

Why do we insist these stereotypes are false? Sure, they don't apply to every gay man, but there's obviously a trend. But to be politically correct or to salve our own belief systems, we insist that these are false.

Crazy. Absolutely crazy.

 

[Lube]

So?

Ryan Seacrest?

Keanu Reeves?

Governor Crist?

Senator Graham?

Yes.

And any 8-year-old can spot the gay kid in the playground instantly.

Yet as adults we insist that you can't tell a man is gay by the way he acts.

More craziness.

 

[rareboy]

I mean, how much can I do, without setting him off?

You are thoughful and diplomatic.

I say you sit him down and have a real guy to guy heart to heart and tell him what you are thinking and why you are afraid that he may be about to hurt two people here.

You may lose his friendship.

But you may save him and one young woman from years of emotional scarring and pain.