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I'm so fed up with this struggle

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yuengling

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I'm so fed up with this struggle of at times looking at a girl in my class and being attracted to her then talking to guys at parties and falling for them also. Its eating me up inside. The best conclusion I keep coming to is that I am bisexual but I still feel like in the end there still is any resolution. and its not like I can actually cross that line of being with a guy in my town without forever being labeled as gay.
I've stopped looking at any kind of porn for a month or so now and if I have any dreams males still overwhelm woman 2;1 in the fantasies. Is this considered a legitimate indicator?
I think for now I'll date a girl or two to see how things go. I know this post is more of a release of stress more than anything else but if there's any advice or ideas I'd be welcom to them.
 
Hmmmm... Maybe u can find a guy to secretley go out with you, are u shore ur bi? maybe you should tell a best frind or something, it might help you.
 
I talked to good friend of mine and his girlfriend barely knows me and she inisted to him that I was gay. I told him I was bi. My friend has known me for a few years and apparently always had suspicions but he says he doesn't care.
 
I would be open to the idea of dating a guy secretly but I just have a hard time beleiving anything stays secret for long. The main thing that bothers me about being with a guy is that I just can't imagine being 50 years old and being gay (no offense ) to anyone. At 21 guys my age are hotter than woman but past age 30 or so women are hotter to me when compared to old men. Any idea what that means?
The relationships I have had with girls haven't been disasters but none of them have been real passionate or too substantial either. I was hanging out with a guy and a group of friends last night. This guy is a bit dorky,adventrous and fun, he's not an addonness or anything but I was falling for him in a way.
 
Hey yuengling,

Mate, thanks for posting and sharing your thoughts and feelings with us... and I can tell you straight up that they are pretty normal!

You're trying to make sense of something that right now for you is a puzzle that really cant be solved... yet - simply because you dont have all the pieces. And thats whats confusing you...

As we begin to realize that we like guys and could be gay or bi we often start a struggle that ends up with us over analyzing every thought and emotion that goes through our head... and its really not meant to like that. But its part of the process of self acceptance and like I said mate... very normal.

Emotional ties and bonds with women are easy and natural - even for gay guys. Its amazing simple to fall "in love" with a woman - they way they think, care and nurture... they way they smell and feel. I think most guys here would tell you of having some of the deepest connections of their lives with women.

And for most of us the most primal thoughts are what attracts us to men in the first instance. The sex, the physical, the craving of intimacy. At the beginning of understanding who we are completely its the primal urges that tell us we might be gay... its rarely the case that when we start to realize whats turning us on that we find its the thought of settling down with a guy... its usually a lot more cave man than that.

So at this stage as you grapple with what seems to appeal at an emotional level and separately a physical its hard to understand that you might find both in one package... hence the missing pieces.

But yuengling, your posts show a bright articulate caring and passionate guy. A guy who understands the value of others and himself... a guy that is well on his way to learning that its ok to find happiness. Your posts show a guy whos feeling the frustrations of his expectations taking new shapes and forms. They show a guy who is starting to understand that his happiness might not come the way he or society thought it should not that very long ago.

But more than anything mate, they show a guy who is on a journey. Dont worry about every thought or emotion so much... and enjoy the here and now. Feel amazed every time your heart takes you in a different direction and be confident in yourself to let it happen - you have the right to be happy and enjoy whatever appeals to you right now.

The pieces will fall into place soon enough mate... new experiences will change your perspectives and open doors you didnt even know where there. Take your time and follow your heart no matter where it leads you because there is no wrong answer.
 
If you are 50 years old your taste in men is different then when you were in your 20's. I'm 54 and I see plenty of men my age or older that get me turned on. At your age the thought of someone my age disgusted me also.
 
Hey, good luck with your struggle. I'm in the same position. I want to get married and have kids, but I'm sexually attracted to guys. 90% of the time, I only look at gay porn. I dream about gay sex. If I look at a naked woman, I don't get hard instantly. If I look at a guy fully clothed, I'm instantly hard! I don't know what to do either. Plus, I'm single, still live at home, and completely closeted. Good luck, hun.
 
It's really common to want to know "which box to check" when it comes to your sexuality. And yeah - once people know you've dated with/slept with guys, it's tough to undo the impression that you're homosexual, even if you decide later that you're 100% straight.

Don't rush it. Feel free to date, but don't look for meaning behind anything. If the girl you're with gets you horny, don't wonder what that "means" - just enjoy it. :)

As for the "old" thing...as you get older, your tastes change. You presumably have outgrown your love for strained peas and the Wiggles, right? So it goes for the rest of your life. There's a reason us old guys listen to such awful music, and don't like doing anything fun - to wit, it only looks like that from your vantage point. :)

My partner and I have entered our second decade together. And we're both getting older, balder, hairier (oh irony), and rounder. But see, I love him. I have ten years of history of love and toil and life with him. And so I'd rather have sex with him than the hottest guy on the planet.

Lex
 
I had sex with a guy once when I was in high school about four years ago but we were both extremely drunk. Either he was a good kisser or kissing a guy was just more fun but it was certainly one of the better makeouts I have had in my life. The sex wasn't awful you know you can't hump like a wild man when your with a guy as opposed to a girl. I have had sex with maybe six girls and really enjoyed one or two of them. I left out a huge part but I only til recently did my doctor discover that I have low testosterone and so my erecetions (when I could get them) were really weak, so its pretty hard for me to determine by my dick. I am now undergoing testosterone treatment and my sex drive is starting to feel like a normal man and now I am looking at girls in my class and thinking about screwing them along with some men. The other trouble I am having with girls is I'm much more handsome and cooler (not to be an egomaniac) than alot of my friends and they are naturally better and more interested in them than I am. That's been a big part of me questioning myself. I like gay porn and some straight porn but so much of the straight porn is filled with middle aged woman with fake tits that its hard to get into it. When I think about being with some of the guys in my life or run into the guy I fooled around with I just can't imagine how I'll get the same emotional fufillment from men. My good friend who play's in my band is chubby pale and not that handsome but I'd have sex with him in a heartbeat yet, when I look at this life in the long run it always makes me feel like something would be missing. I would be happy in the short run but I can't imagine homosexual life past 10 years. I know old gay couples and old straight couples and when I look at it from that point of view in the long run being with a woman just makes more sense. My biggest fear is not being gay its not realizing I'm gay and continuing to fool around with girls when none of them are going to please me or fooling around with men for a year then changing my mind . That's my main fear I just don't want to waste my youth or decieve myself.
After the testosterone is in full swing I guess I 'll go sleep with a girl or something. I am not going to be able to have a secret relationship with a guy at best I could have sex with a gay guy but I am not sure that would prove anything would it?
Now in defense of gay porn its alot easier to find young men in their 20's having fun sex on tape than it is finding a straight couple in their 20's having sex. Why is it that so much of straight porn is a hot young girl getting screwed by a fat old guy? I can't watch that shit. Sorry for any older folks, I respect you and your wisdom I just can't imagine being with an older man.
 
If you respect us old farts, please stop insulting us in every post.

The fact that your friend and his girl friend already knew you were attracted to guys (I won't say "knew you were gay", because you say you aren't.) should tell you something.

If you are genuinely attracted romantically and sexually to both genders, that's fine. You're bi and have some choices to make.

But, if your fear/disgust/confusion/hesitation (or whatever) about accepting yourself as gay (if it turns out you are), leads you to string a girl along or, worse yet, marry a woman, in order to protect your image, that would be a very bad thing. No woman deserves that.
 
And one more thing:

You talk about "maybe I'll sleep with a girl" and also how you'd have sex with your bandmate.

People aren't candy bars for you to nibble on.

If you want to hook up with someone, who wants to hook up with you, that's fine.

But remember: people have feelings, and women, in particular, are easily hurt by men who romance them and then move along.
 
I was only using my bandmate as a theoretical example. He's not gay but if he was I would consider sleeping with him but he isn't at all so it won't happen. His girlfriend either heard something about me or something but she kept insisting to him that I was gay. Yes well what I was trying to say is there is this girl in my class that I like maybe I'll date her now that I can actually get an erection and have a normal libido, not that I am just going to use her for sex but maybe if I kiss her maybe my friend will tell me something down stairs. Besides if its a date or two I don't see how this is any different than any other date for anybody else? "Hey I think I like him or her I'll go out on a date or two with them" I didn't say anything about old fellas other than the fact that I just can't picture myself being old and gay. Would you get mad at someone on here if they said they couldn't imagine themselves being with an older woman that it just doesn't make sense in their head? I know some old gay couples that I do work for and when I see them I can't put myself in their shoes.Only til recently have I become flustered when thinking about sex due to my lack of testosterone although before I was still slightly predisposed to men. I dated a girl for a month a while back and up until she started being a jerk I was pretty attracted to her and liked being around her.
 
Most of the sex I have had with women hasn't been that crazy or intense. for now I'll blame it on the low testosterone but its probably a cop out at the least I imagine I'm bi.
I just get tired of battling with myself and was searching for a remedy
 
I just get tired of battling with myself and was searching for a remedy

You're trying to fix something that doesn't need to be fixed. And you're trying to make a choice that doesn't have to be made.

You don't have to choose between vanilla and chocolate.

You don't have to choose between Coke or Pepsi.

Who told you that you have to choose between men and women?

You have been given a gift if you are attracted to both men and women. Stop trying to make it into a negative and enjoy the gift you've been given.

Really, life is far too short for all of this.
 
well I guess your right david bowie slept with mick then went on to marry a model so what do I need to go worrying, I think i can deal with being bi.
 
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