I'm so pissed of at my 2 best friends right now

[Sammael]

My best friends are twins. We're 26 years old and we've been best friends since we were 12 years old. A few weeks ago I came out to them. They took it well, they said everyone's life is their own business and they respect people's choices on how to live their life. I was happy. But they never talked about it. Everything was the same as before I came out. I'm bisexual(mostly gay) and they still talk like I'm heterosexual, as if I didn't come out. Today on msn I told them that if there's anything they're curious or if they have any questions about the fact that I have sex with man, they can ask. Ok I know it sounds weird in English but I'm translating to English so it wasn't actually weird. They said it's everyone's(mine) own business and they're not curious. I was still wondering what they're hiding by repeating the same thing. So I told them that when I went out to meet with a guy in the past, I lied them about where I went. I asked them if I can tell the truth and they said something like "no need". They talked as if they don't want to hear anything about the fact that I'm bisexual, they want to continue their relationship with me as if I'm heterosexual. Probably meaning that if I ever get a boyfriend or something like that, they wouldn't want to know about it. The thing is we've always talked about their and my relationship with certain girls and also about sex with girls, they want to continue that but they don't want to talk about my relationships with man. 2 weeks ago one of them had a fight with his girlfriend, we went to a bar to talk about it, we talked a lot and I tried to comfort him. If I have a fight with my boyfriend, I can't talk to them about it, I'll have to pretend that everything is ok when I'm with them. Is this fair? I know they don't have to talk about anything which they don't want to but I can't believe that they're ignoring an important part of their best friend. Right now I feel like I don't wanna see them again because they're rejecting a big part of who I am.

 

[racer2438]

Re: I'm so pissed of at my 2 best friends right no

As wierd as it may sound (but to me) if I were on there end it may sound as if your are trying to rush and push them into info that at this time they either are not ready for it and or just dont want to know about it.

Those are some of the draw backs of not having alot of bi-gay friends to talk to if and when we have issues.

So I think it my be better to back off a bit and let it calm down.

Nest time you go out and if they ask just say you went out with one of your other buddies and leave it at that. They dont have to know everything you do. Just as they may have not told you alot of there things..

I hope you understand what I am trying to say. There are somethings you just dont tell everyone here and there.

so just let it go for a bit and and dont push the issue as you may risk pushing them further away than you'd like.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: I'm so pissed of at my 2 best friends right no

>>>Everything was the same as before I came out. I'm bisexual(mostly gay) and they still talk like I'm heterosexual.

Um, I don't know if you know this, but this is a good thing. I don't want my friends to treat me any different because I'm gay. I don't expect them to say "hey, let me know if you want to know what a vagina tastes like."

As far as relationships go, my guess is yeah - they probably don't want to hear who's the top and who's the bottom. I'd respect that. But I bet they'll be supportive for more generic, non-bedroom-related advice. If your boyfriend stops returning phone calls or is acting weird, you could probably talk to them about that.

Lex

 

[Chris1984]

Re: I'm so pissed of at my 2 best friends right no

>>>Everything was the same as before I came out. I'm bisexual(mostly gay) and they still talk like I'm heterosexual.

Um, I don't know if you know this, but this is a good thing. I don't want my friends to treat me any different because I'm gay. I don't expect them to say "hey, let me know if you want to know what a vagina tastes like."

As far as relationships go, my guess is yeah - they probably don't want to hear who's the top and who's the bottom. I'd respect that. But I bet they'll be supportive for more generic, non-bedroom-related advice. If your boyfriend stops returning phone calls or is acting weird, you could probably talk to them about that.

Lex

Couldn't have said it better myself

 

[Sammael]

Re: I'm so pissed of at my 2 best friends right no

I know you guys are right but we're way more closer than normal close friends. We share lots of things with each other that we don't tell even just one other person. But now I feel like we're not as close as I thought so I'm gonna heed your advice. And you're right I need more gay/bi friends. Thanks for the replies.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: I'm so pissed of at my 2 best friends right no

This doesn't mean you're not all that close. It just means you've moved into a territory they're uncomfortable talking about. Some of my closest friends aren't comfortable about talking about (gay) sexual matters, whereas some of my more casual friends don't mind in the slightest.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

Re: I'm so pissed of at my 2 best friends right no

You've been friends with someone for 14 years during which you weren't completely honest with them about your sexuality.

So now you are and you expect them to just adapt and accept.

Sorry, that's just not a reasonable expectation.

It will take time. And we both know why it will take a while, efendim.

 

[Sammael]

Re: I'm so pissed of at my 2 best friends right no

You've been friends with someone for 14 years during which you weren't completely honest with them about your sexuality.

So now you are and you expect them to just adapt and accept.

Sorry, that's just not a reasonable expectation.

It will take time. And we both know why it will take a while, efendim.

Have you ever heard of someone telling his friend "hi, I masturbated yesterday, but instead of thinking about fucking a girl, I thought about being fucked up the ass"? I haven't. People generally try to get used to the idea themselves and after that tell their friends. And before you say they need time too; no, coming in terms with your own sexuality is 100 times harder than someone else's.

 

[KaraBulut]

Re: I'm so pissed of at my 2 best friends right no

And before you say they need time too; no, coming in terms with your own sexuality is 100 times harder than someone else's.

I disagree because I think they are both equally difficult.

What underlies the problem with friends is the question, "This was my friend and I didn't know this about him? What else don't I know?".

 

[StlKj]

Re: I'm so pissed of at my 2 best friends right no

You got the best response you can expect right now. Stop trying to force them to be something they're not, and be thankful they are the friends they are. You're trying to bait them with details of past stuff--the true test will be when you do have a relationship, will you be able to rely on them in the same way they do you? If you can't, then you'll know their limitations, but that doesn't mean to toss them away. Lay off of them and let things settle in. As long as they are your friends, they can grow, unless you force them just because you're looking too soon for equality when you should be accepting of their need for time to adapt.

 

[skylar99]

Re: I'm so pissed of at my 2 best friends right no

I know exactly how you feel. I have experienced the same thing with my close friends. However, now that I am on the outside looking into someone else's situation the thought that comes to mind now is to ask them what are their thoughts about your situation. Find out exactly where they stand so that it won't be you putting words in their mouths to fill in for what YOU think is taking place with them. I will have to take my own advice on this one.

It will be better for you to get directly to the point and find out what is going on with them. Really, they may just be afraid of saying something to offend you. I know the friends that I have come out to care about me a lot, however, they may simply not know how to talk to you without "putting their foot in their mouth."

 

[probeteam1]

Re: I'm so pissed of at my 2 best friends right no

Have you ever heard of someone telling his friend "hi, I masturbated yesterday, but instead of thinking about fucking a girl, I thought about being fucked up the ass"? I haven't. People generally try to get used to the idea themselves and after that tell their friends. And before you say they need time too; no, coming in terms with your own sexuality is 100 times harder than someone else's.

Your friends need time, too. Yes, coming to terms with your own sexuality is a lot harder than coming to terms with someone else's. But you've had your whole life to come to terms with yours (or at least the whole period you've been sexually aware). Just how long have you given them? Sounds like under a month.

I'm also not clear what the problem is. Going back to your original post:

They took it well, they said everyone's life is their own business and they respect people's choices on how to live their life. I was happy. But they never talked about it. Everything was the same as before I came out. I'm bisexual(mostly gay) and they still talk like I'm heterosexual, as if I didn't come out. Today on msn I told them that if there's anything they're curious or if they have any questions about the fact that I have sex with man, they can ask. Ok I know it sounds weird in English but I'm translating to English so it wasn't actually weird. They said it's everyone's(mine) own business and they're not curious. I was still wondering what they're hiding by repeating the same thing.

I'm not entirely sure what you expected to change. But even if they don't want to know, it doesn't mean that they're rejecting you. Just keep being you, and see how they respond.

So I told them that when I went out to meet with a guy in the past, I lied them about where I went. I asked them if I can tell the truth and they said something like "no need". They talked as if they don't want to hear anything about the fact that I'm bisexual, they want to continue their relationship with me as if I'm heterosexual.

Or they could be trying to respect your privacy.
Your approach here seems kind of timid - why are you asking their permission to be honest with them about your comings and goings? Why not just start being as honest with them about your dates with men as your dates with women?

Probably meaning that if I ever get a boyfriend or something like that, they wouldn't want to know about it. The thing is we've always talked about their and my relationship with certain girls and also about sex with girls, they want to continue that but they don't want to talk about my relationships with man.

Hey, don't flunk them 'til they've been tested. They might surprise you.

2 weeks ago one of them had a fight with his girlfriend, we went to a bar to talk about it, we talked a lot and I tried to comfort him. If I have a fight with my boyfriend, I can't talk to them about it, I'll have to pretend that everything is ok when I'm with them. Is this fair?

No, it's not fair and you don't have to do it. You have a fight with your boyfriend, you can act like you had a fight with your boyfriend. You don't have to cover up that part of your life any more than they have to show interest in it. But if you use their reactions now as an excuse to more or less wander back in the general direction of the closet, how much of a chance have you given them? Wait 'til you do have a fight with your boyfriend, and then see hoe they behave, rather than guessing how they'd react if it happened. They might surprise you, and themselves.

I know they don't have to talk about anything which they don't want to but I can't believe that they're ignoring an important part of their best friend. Right now I feel like I don't wanna see them again because they're rejecting a big part of who I am.

I think it would be a mistake to start avoiding them. How are you guys going to work through any of this if the solution seems to be to put up a false front, or to avoid one another?

Of course, I'm no expert, and haven't heard your friends' side at all.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Re: I'm so pissed of at my 2 best friends right no

Give it time. I think their reaction is appropriate.