I'm straight no im gay no im...wtf am i?

[Rick18]

So basically....WHAT DO I DO???

I know that this has probably been posted 3 trillion times but im going to do it n e way...

When i am alone i am gay.....or on this website.....but when i am with anyone i am straight...i act straight i look at girls asses as i walk around and i talk like "Damn dude i'd tap that" But i dont get hard thinking of a girl....i get harder than hell watching guys fuck....but i dont want to be gay...i want to be able to have sex and everything and do everything a straight guy does......"So why dont you, ust go fuck girls" I am afraid i wont be able to get hard or something and they will tell everyone that im gay!!!! you all are goin to say like just be your self or admit to yourself who you are.....but who am i physically i admit it im gay, but mentally im straight as an arrow. When i read posts about eating your own cum i am like i am gonna do that....then i cum into my hand then look at it and say fuckin gross and wash it down the drain...... i masturbate to guys then am disguusted with myself....[more bad spelling and overuse of ellipses here]...lol HELP ME please....just tell me what to do cause ive been thinking abou this for 3 years and i cant think of an answer............


p.s. i realize there are typos and what not but i am not in the mood to proofread lol...thanks all

When you're alone, you're being yourself. When you're with other people who think you're straight, you're trying your hardest to keep up the charade. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't find women attractive and make comments. After coming out, I still make comments to my friends like, "That girl's hot," or something. Just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean you feel some sexual urge attached to it. Think of how many girls comment on another girl's looks without society thinking they're lesbians. If a guy compliments another guy on his looks, he's automatically assumed to be gay. Anyone can find either sex attractive (non-sexually), it's just that society likes to dictate that a man's masculinity is in danger if he finds another guy good-looking.

A lot of us, probably even most of us, had the desperate urge to be straight. If there was a pill, we would have taken it in a heartbeat. Once you meet other gay people and work through issues of self-hatred, you'll be content with yourself and it won't matter anymore.

The thing about eating your own cum is another thing that most people go through. After a guy comes, he is no longer horny. What fuels you wanting to eat your own cum is that you're in the heat of the moment and it seems hot at the time, after you come, you're not in the mood anymore. This is why most straight guys just roll over and fall asleep after sex. A lot of gay guys will also feel guilty after they come because they don't want to be with another guy anymore. This eventually starts going away too once you start working through self-hatred issues and learning that it's ok to be gay.

 

[Rick18]

wow see that was the type of thing i needed to hear...that was pretty much the perfect answer thanks alot....the new perspective really made me think....maybe my being straight is just a psychological thing that overtakes me to impress people, but being gay is who really am.....but about the whole being alone is being myself thing....when im alone i think, " i really want to get married and have kids and have a dog and be a rich surgeon who lives in the suburbs of a big city." That is like a great life for me it is what i want when im alone..you know...it is almost like i want a gay sex life and a straight relationship....maybe i need to marry a transvestite!!! lol what about that though????? (not the transvestite thing that was a joke) lol

You can still get married in certain areas, adopt kids, get a dog, and be a rich surgeon... all while being gay. I always wanted to marry a woman too, that was what I used to prove to myself that I was straight despite getting off to gay porn. I didn't want a relationship with a guy, I only wanted sex with a guy. That gradually changed once I learned that I'm never going to change my orientation and I shouldn't have to change it just to make everyone else happy.

 

[Roland00]

Hi

Well you can get married, have kids (adopted, or implanted), be a suregon, and live in the sub-urbs of a great city. Gay doesn't change any of that (well you can only get married in some states or countries but this is changing)

 

[Roland00]

Any more questions? Perhaps asking us how we felt at such an age?

I felt the same way as you from 16-18. I so desperately wanted to straight, that I sorta convinced myself/pretend I was. Except I wasn't straight It was hell during those years. (Except when I was near my high school crush, that was heaven yet at the same time hell )

 

[Rick18]

lol i see what you guys mean i dont know..i just cant ever see myself coing out to my family it would be so wierd ...lol ill just wait till i go off to college haha then have fun there lol see how i feel after i experience more im only 18

College really helped me open up a lot. I didn't think I'd ever come out either until I went to college and nobody really cared about anyone's sexuality anymore.

 

[Roland00]

Take things one day at a time. You don't have to come out to your family now, you don't have to come out to your family ever, its your life (most people choose eventually to come out to there family but you don't have to).

Enjoy your senior year of high school, enjoy college. Have fun. Just as a warning being gay in college is pretty much no big deal, unlike high school Alot of things that seem a big deal in high school aren't so once you are out of them.

So any more questions? We were all your age once

 

[Roland00]

College really helped me open up a lot. I didn't think I'd ever come out either until I went to college and nobody really cared about anyone's sexuality anymore.

Oh we do care, we do care How else are we to find our friday night date I have a large demand for gay men that have good personalities especially if they are good looking.

Lets put it this way, the straight people don't care anymore

 

[mcwk]

I thought college would make it easier to experiment, but it hasn't. If you go off to college the same person you are now, afraid of how people will judge you, chances are you will just fall into the same role of acting straight. I think you should take a look at who you want to be and why.

Life is hard sometimes, isn't it?

 

[Rick18]

I thought college would make it easier to experiment, but it hasn't. If you go off to college the same person you are now, afraid of how people will judge you, chances are you will just fall into the same role of acting straight. I think you should take a look at who you want to be and why.

Life is hard sometimes, isn't it?

Meet some gay people in college and hang out with them, or join the GLBA or other diversity groups on campus and you're bound to run into gay guys. If you hang out with more straight people, of course there's going to be pressure to fit in, that's why you start hanging out with people like you.

 

[spreadeagle]

As far as I can see you have no sexual experience with either men or women and untill you do you can never know where your sexual inclinations truly lie. But I would imagine that if you don't get it up when you think of women then your heterosexual aspirations are problematic. If you aspire to being straight then why are you reinforcing your homosexual inclinations by the positive reinforcement of jacking off to gay imagery?

 

[rareboy]

I'd vote for you being gay as a circus from what you say, but think you have a lot of other self image and self worth problems to address; otherwise you could end up doing a lot of damage to yourself and others over the next few years. Just from what you say about cum eating offers a clue that if you are apprehensive or turned off by your first real sexual experience with either a man or woman, you might let a single experience define your sexual and social identity.

While you are very young and deserve the benefit of experience, I am concerned that your lack of clarity on this issue could lead you to become one of those self hating gay men who let themselves be defined by a homophobic society and think that there are required to submerge gay in favour of straight, by marrying and having a wife and kids that they will either relegate to second place as they pursue a hidden life of sexual experience with trashy guys, or will suppress themselves and their own happiness for a lifetime, never knowing, but always wondering what passion and fulfillment they missed.

You are at the crossroads. Choose wisely.

 

[hermanding]

as you say, alone i'm gay. you ARE gay. it's a compliment. you're also conditioned by the society and all the abhorrence, disgust, and hate channeled toward us. it's not easy to break free of that. you need support from others, of course, but - most important - you'll have to come to terms with yourself and realize a gay guy is just as great as a straight or bi guy and deserves all the same happiness and rights. good luck
ding