im terribly sad

[Teebzorz]

I'm sad, I'm alone, I don't know what to do. Im 23 years old, and I've never had a boyfriend, i've never kissed anybody.. nothing. I hate myself at times, beacuse i know it's my own fault. Im so painfully shy I can't stand it. I choke up and can't speak to strangers, I have trouble picking up hte phone to order a pizza ( i literally can't do it, i get to nervous ) I have a job where i deal with customers all the time and i can't even strike up conversations with them.

I don't know what to do, I'm so afriad im going to be alone forever and it depresses me. I try not to dwell on it, and say it will happen when it happens.. but then I think, what if it never happens, what if I am alone forever?

It hurts me inside deeply to be this alone, I only have a few friends ( they are all great caring friends, I'm out to them, and they love me reguardless, but at times its not enough) I feel as though i always need to be near people. My friends arn't always here ( my roommate goes off to visit her fiance off in the cities every weekend, and im alone (( with my cats at least )) ) and i play World of warcraft and have friends there, but its not fulfillin enough.

Im jut so alone.. i don't know how to meet people, i have no idea what to do. I try to stay happy, but its just so hard to at times.

( ps. Im sorry for spelling errors and grammar, im a little drunk atm )

 

[me12121]

I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel .

 

[Lightie]

hmm.. start doing voluteer work will be a good start =)
Volunteers are usually nice and easy to talk to, practice!
Trust me playing WoW doesnt help at all, i quit that game few months ago... im happier and healthier now =)

Good Luck!

 

[SilverRRCloud]

K, drinks won't help. Ever.

You might need a support group or even professional help.

Look, every dude I have met so far, is somewhat shy. Which is just fine. It really becomes a problem, once it prevents you from living a normal, productive and fulfilled life.

Only you know, how bad it really is. The way, you describe it, I'd go for a support group + professional help ASAP.

SC

 

[looseliam]

I just want to give you a big ol' hug.

I also agree with what SC said.

 

[Soilwork]

welll... I don't agree that what happens happens.

Every good thing that's happened in my life is something that I MADE happen from my relationships to my job to my friends and my life.

So, yeah.. you're going to have to get over it. you're going to have to learn to talk to people and make friends.

It's not a bad idea to maybe talk to a doctor. If you have a social anxiety disorder, you can get help for that... good luck.

 

[Teebzorz]

K, drinks won't help. Ever.

You might need a support group or even professional help.

Look, every dude I have met so far, is somewhat shy. Which is just fine. It really becomes a problem, once it prevents you from living a normal, productive and fulfilled life.

Only you know, how bad it really is. The way, you describe it, I'd go for a support group + professional help ASAP.

SC

i don't drink to keep myself happy, i don't think im that depressed or anything

but i don't know if could join a support group or anything, It's to hard for me to do somthing like that, i know everybody always says * Just do it, it will get easier * and all that but the first step is soo hard for me i can't do it, its like trying to fly or somthing, im terrible with metaphores, but i don't think i could sign myself up for somthing like that.

 

[bluedragon4]

sounds like anxiety. see a dr and get on a good med. you also sound a bit depressed.you may not be seeing things clearly.

 

[taiger65]

do you chat online? i know it's far from a real conversation, but try chatting, maybe in a chatroom, maybe one-on-one. ideally, seeing people from a support group or a common interests group would be great, but maybe this could be a little stepping stone before you make the big jump. i'm ready to listen if you want to chat, although i'm not an awesome counselor.

 

[puka-pride]

can't is just another word for won't

I was just as terribley shy... but honestly I got to a point in my life where it was either I change or hurt myself.. I chose to change... took me 3 years to be as confident as i am and i still can't go up to a stranger who is hot and ask him to dance or anything.. but I can pick up the phone now.. I can make friends easy.. and when i'm alone with a guy i can get laid no problem...

once u realise thatmaking a fool of urself in public isn't a big deal and ur life won't end cus of it u'll begin to loosin up...

 

[confusedboy23]

Yeah, talking to a doctor would be a good idea, or at least, a counselor!

I'm not going to ask you to join a club or something because I'm also very shy when it comes to a big group of strangers. But I reckon a good first step for you to get to know more people is to hang around with your present friends. Get one or two of them to bring along one or two of their friends everytime you go out to the movies or to whatever. You'll get to know more people, over time, and slowly you might just realise that it really isn't that bad interacting with people. You did say that your friends are great caring friends, so you have their support and I'm sure they would be more than happy in helping you to get to know more people so you will feel less alone. ONline chatting one-on-one with starngers could be a good way too.

Don't go around looking for a relationship, they should and WILL come naturally - sometimes, at the most unexpected of times! Oh, I don't believe that you will be alone for the rest of your life BUT it is in your hands, you must WANT a change and you must DO SOMETHING! Good luck.

 

[BoSoxFanVa]

I agree with a couple of the threads regarding seeing a doctor or therapist for help. Sounds as if you are a bit depressed and have some social anxiety angst. Talking to a doctor would be a good start.

Like you, I tend to be on the shy side. I'm not sure how I turned out like this because in my profession, I'm in sales, I have to deal with strangers everyday. In that setting I'm successful, but when it comes to one on one with another guy, I freeze up.

I spent a lot of time waiting to meet that someone special. I did eventually meet two great guys, but I wasted a lot of time in between.

Even to this day, I have to make myself go out and be around people. I've joined a couple of support groups, political groups and I meet guys online in various chat rooms.

Just remember, you are not alone. There are other guys out there just like you looking for the same things.

Good luck and keep us posted on how you're feeling.

 

[Eagle653]

Hey teebzorz, welcome!

Lots of people are painfully shy. Fortunately, there's help for that, but you have to make the first step. The first step is to your doctor for a quick assessment and then to a talk-therapist to figure out what's going on. If it's anxiety or other disorder, there is now effective medications for that. If it's not that, then talk-therapy can get you to unearth what's behind the crippling shyness and give you confidence-building strategies so you don't feel so isolated and alone.

Good luck; I know this is tough. The good news is that you can overcome it, and fairly easily and painlessly.

 

[starlight70]

Go to a support group. Make the courage. And then, once you are there, let the moment deal with you.. someone there will help you to find a louder, less-shy, braver you.

All the best.

 

[JJFlame]

http://www.socialphobia.org/

"How can social anxiety be treated?

Many therapeutic methods have been studied, but cognitive-behavioral therapy is the only modality that has been shown to work effectively. In fact, treatment of social anxiety through cognitive-behavioral methods has the capacity to produce long-lasting, permanent relief from the anxiety-laden world of social anxiety.

Social anxiety responds to relatively short-term therapy, depending on the severity of the condition. I have seen significant progress in just twelve individual sessions, although most people respond better with sixteen to twenty-four meetings. To overcome social anxiety, completion of a behavioral therapy group is also essential (when people feel ready for this and not before).

What socially anxious people do not need is years and years of therapy or counseling. You can't be "counseled" out of social phobia. In fact, socially anxious people who are taught to "analyze" and "ruminate" over their problems usually make their social anxiety and fears much worse, which in turn leads to depression, which just reinforces the fact that "I will never get better". (Shudder...this statement does NOT have to be true.)

THERE IS A BETTER LIFE FOR ALL PEOPLE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY. Without treatment, social anxiety is a torturous and horrible emotional problem; with treatment, its bark is worse than its bite. Add to this that current research is clear that cognitive-behavioral therapy is highly successful in the treatment of social anxiety. In fact, the people who are unsuccessful are the ones who are not persistent in their practice and who won't stick with simple methods and techniques at home. They are the ones who give up.

If a person is motivated to end the years and years of crippling anxiety, then cognitive-behavioral treatment provides the methods, techniques, and strategies that come together to lessen the anxiety and make the world a much more enjoyable place.

Many of us have been through the crippling fears and constant anxiety that social phobia produces -- and have come out healthier and happier on the other side. You can too.

---Thomas A. Richards, Ph.D.
Psychologist"



Hang in there buddy, the world isn't as scary a place as you make it out to be.

 

[Teebzorz]

Well, First off, thanks to everybody for the responces, i feel a bit better now.

I spent part of today looking around for local support groups, but i couldn't find anything, but thats probably cause im a terrible surfer

I think i'll try out some chat rooms for the time being.. i suppose that couldn;t hurt to much, i just have to get up the nerve to actually type out a few lines of chat!

I'll keep you guys updated.

Ps. Thank you to everyone that sent me pm's, i really appreciate it.

 

[taiger65]

Making the first step is the most important, because you're telling yourself that you have a goal and that you're ready to start working for it. You may be shy, but you've got views and opinions, and you deserve to express them. Other people also deserve to hear the great ideas that you have and making discussion with you is gonna be a pleasure for both parties involved.

Chat rooms might help you get a little idea of how to make small talk, but it doesn't really compare to talking to somebody one-on-one in person. In chat rooms, you're still hiding yourself behind a screen name. I'm glad you made the decision to start chatting though, because progress is progress.

Start making goals for yourself. Maybe tonight, you'll chat in a huge chatroom where everyone's just blabbering and nobody's really listening to anyone else. Maybe tomorrow, you'll aim for a smaller chatroom, slowly getting into more personal (without the personal information!) and more intimate settings where you'll get more attention. Maybe the next day, you'll take someone out to dinner! Sorry, I don't wanna rush you, and I do believe that how quickly you decide to take things is completely up to you. Good luck, and tell us how things go.

 

[me12121]

I'm thinking about seeing someone about my problem soon. Maybe in 2 weeks after midterms when my workload will be much less. I usually don't have problems ordering pizza since I can rehearse what to say before doing it (though I still prefer to order online). My problem is that I can't seem to talk to anyone until I get really comfortable enough around them. I can't even say "Hey" to people cause I'm worrying about what they'll think. It's driving me nuts lately, being in university where everyone else is so social and I'm not. But at least I'm comfortable with my business group now. I was able to initiate conversation with them today when I saw a couple of them in the halls today. But I still can't talk to anyone on my floor since I still feel totally uncomfortable around them, and feel like I will all year.

 

[skaterboi]

I'm sad, I'm alone, I don't know what to do. Im 23 years old, and I've never had a boyfriend, i've never kissed anybody.. nothing. I hate myself at times, beacuse i know it's my own fault. Im so painfully shy I can't stand it. I choke up and can't speak to strangers, I have trouble picking up hte phone to order a pizza ( i literally can't do it, i get to nervous ) I have a job where i deal with customers all the time and i can't even strike up conversations with them.

I don't know what to do, I'm so afriad im going to be alone forever and it depresses me. I try not to dwell on it, and say it will happen when it happens.. but then I think, what if it never happens, what if I am alone forever?

It hurts me inside deeply to be this alone, I only have a few friends ( they are all great caring friends, I'm out to them, and they love me reguardless, but at times its not enough) I feel as though i always need to be near people. My friends arn't always here ( my roommate goes off to visit her fiance off in the cities every weekend, and im alone (( with my cats at least )) ) and i play World of warcraft and have friends there, but its not fulfillin enough.

Im jut so alone.. i don't know how to meet people, i have no idea what to do. I try to stay happy, but its just so hard to at times.

( ps. Im sorry for spelling errors and grammar, im a little drunk atm )

Hey, first thing is dump the internet life so to speak, it can be helpful in some respects but the internet doesnt cure shyness it only enhances it.
I'm going to go against others advice and say you don't need to join a support group or anything like that, infact I don't think you need to go and see a doctor either.
I use to be really shy, didn't like going to shopping centres full of people, buying things where I would have to interact with the person behind the counter, talking with strangers on nights out. I can't really say why I wouldnt do these things, probably lack of self confidence.
My advice before you try anything else it to take control of your own emotions, you only become anxious at the unknown so once you can brave it the first time it will get easier and easier to become confortable in situations. Don't be afraid of falling flat on your face, its not the end of the world! If you ever do fall flat on your face in public make a joke of it, I was at the cinema with some friends and just as it went silent my brother farted, everyone started looking about so he stood up and took a bow.
I already think youve got it in you to shrug off this shyness, hell youve come out to your friends something I'm not sure I will be able to do for some time yet. It must have taken you great emotional strength to be able to do this, so if youve got that strength within you to come out with what is stigmarted as one of the most difficult things in a gay guys life I'm sure picking up that phone and asking for a 11" chicken pizza will be a walk in the park.
Looking at your first point, I've only kissed one girl (ugh) never had sex or anything like that, I wouldnt worry you will find someone or someone will find you. But you're going to have to make it known that you're available on the market to be taken. I'm not saying crack out the rainbow flags and high heels but you're going to have to get yourself to the right kinds of places to find a guy (or have a really good gaydar).
Hmm I also have problems speaking to strangers, I've found the best thing you can do is make someone laugh/smile (regardless of if their a lad or a lass) so try to crack a joke about something. Once they start laughing with you it will become a whole lot easier to progress on in conversation with them. If conversation isnt one of your big things youll need to place yourself in an environment where the people you might talk to will have similer interests to you (im into rock music so a rock club would be great could then talk about the music). As for talking on the phone, not a big lover of this myself what I usually do is write down what I'm wanting to say (what I'm going to order, my address and to ask how long its going to take) fast food places always ask the same things, once you've done it a few times and know what their going to ask youll not need to write it down anymore.
The middle paragraph about being alone forever, its your life and you are the only on who can take control of it, everyones got it in them to take life by the horns and make something of it. Youve got the support of your friends and us here on these boards. Youve managed to come out to your closest friends and accept your sexuality thats alot further than I've managed so the confidence to do things is already their, you already have so much control and suppot in your life. Use it to its best potential, if your friends already know you're gay then get them to come with you to a gay club for support? Having your friends around you will help you control yourself and make the most of your life.
For the love of god dump the internet games, they do damage your ability to function in a normal society, I've not played internet games for some time now and I do feel alot better and no longer have the feeling that they control me.
You've already got the confidence inside you, so for the love of god please use it. Humilitys nothing, who gives a fuck what some stranger thinks about you? As soon as you realise this and can come to terms with this your life will become alot better and meeting new people will be very easy!
(I should know I've just left my home and moved to a new city by myself without my family or friends)

//Sorry for the poor spelling, hopefully got my point across though!

 

[taiger65]

After thinking about this, and going reading skaterboi's post, i wanna take back what i said about a super slow pace. the thing that's gotten people to be so bold is that they've all had uncomfortable experiences, been embarassed, and realized that the day after, they were still living. terrible experiences might have been awkward, but that's what it took for them (and me) to realize that it's not the end of the world. so i encourage you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. afterwards, you can reflect on how well it went, or if it didn't go well, realize that your life is still going, and you've got a million other chances to try again.

i used to define myself as an introvert too, and i was also an A+ student. i learned my lesson in a language class. you either had to talk more or your grade had to suffer, so i learned to be a little more talkative. it's the uncomfortable situations that made me break out of my shell.

also listen to the advice of everyone else and see what works for you. movies don't really give you much of a chance to talk, whereas it's uncomfortable when you dine with someone in complete silence. i agree with skaterboi that you don't have to join a support group, but i'm sure they'd help.