I'm terrified...please reassure me

[jockboy01]

So I just saw this. First off, it sounds like you are fine in terms of STDs probably and almost guaranteed fine in terms of HIV. Can't say zero risk but pretty damn close. Herpes... sure, you could have gotten that from this kiss, but most people already have that anyway so not a big deal and you can't really tell it is an STD on the mouth as it just gives what are commonly known as fever blisters.

But I would agree with the comments above in that it seems you are dodging the thing that is really bothering you.... your possible same sex attraction and how that fits into this life that you have built. That is what you need to deal with. How to deal with it is an individual choice... I agree that the coming out forum is a good spot for online advice. Counseling is also good. But just ignoring it is only going to put off the inevitable and make it harder. I'm not saying you're gay so don't take it that way. Just saying there are issues there that you need to figure out.

 

[Soilwork]

I didn't realise until yesterday how unready I am to do anything with a man. I feel disgusted, repulsed with myself, I am wracked with guilt. All because of a two second kiss...

Well, we've discovered our problem, haven't we?

you finally let yourself "be gay" and suddenly it's all too real. Maybe part of you believes the old lie that HIV was created by God to get even with gay people. (not true).

What you need to do is not have your rather irrational fears and learn to accept yourself.

(although maybe it would be a good idea to date a guy and take him to dinner and get to know him before kissing him, but it's your call.)

.PLEASE PLEASE someone reassure me. I don't need a HIV test do I? The ODDS are that remote they are neglible, AREN'T THEY? PLEASE REASSURE ME I WILL BE OK?????

No. You do NOT need an HIV test. you ARE ok.

What you need to do is go out and kiss a few more guys so you can get over your silly fears and self-defeating guilt.

you're gay. No big deal. You need to learn to accept that being gay means kissing guys.

And I've kissed a LOT of guys.

 

[Soilwork]

man, I gotta read the whole thread before answering.

If you're married or living with a girlfriend... and she's unaware of your penchant for men.. keep it in your pants.

I'll tell you right now that you didn't catch anything from him.

I guess it's technically possible to catch a few STDs from kissing... but the chances of that from a close-mouthed two second kiss is pretty much zero.

and it IS zero for HIV.

There's one case on record of a passing of HIV through kissing... and that was a couple in France who both had severe gingivitis.

Anyway.... you know that the REAL thing that you're freaking about is that you cheated on your partner. Not cool.

If you're gay.. you've got some big choices ahead.. stay with her (and her only) or move on and not have your son in your life the same way.

I have a feeling that all this absurdity about kissing a guy for two seconds is really just you coming up with a way of NOT dealing with the REAL problem, right?

 

[hotcbr]

Sorry dude...but I gotta agree with the responses here that have dug deeper than "I kissed a guy, now I think I might catch HIV." I'm not a psychiatrist, but I really believe there are some issues here that you're dealing with...and they don't involve STDs. I agree with the others who have suggested seeking professional psychological help. It doesn't mean you're crazy, you just need help working through some life issues. Best of luck!

 

[mexamor]

I sort of agree here with Jeff. You need to start thinking about who you are and what you want out of life. I've been married for 21 years and faithful to my wife (well ok, I come here) but my personal take on things is that I will leave if I decide to find a guy, otherwise I would feel culero. My wife is a good person and I am totaly out to her. So we work on this one day at a time. Each person is different so you can't really apply what I do to you, it just gives you another perspective.

Although there is no disease harm done, I would be pissed at you for deciet. Not trying to make you feel bad just telling you my perspective, which by the way not many people share.

Sidneya72:
This is my 2 cents worth. I think you need someone to talk to about this, like a therapist. It seems to me that teh real issue is that you love your family, but realise you are gay. You now have to decide what to do with this knowledge.
Repressing it will only hurt you and your family. Anonymous sex won't help (with this problem-I am not knocking anonymous sex for everyone), and worrying about diease won't help either.
I think that you are so afraid of your own sexuality that you have transferred this fear to a fear of stds.
Please get help for you and your kid too-it will make you a better father if you are happy with yourself.

 

[Rmonty206]

Wow this is so familiar to me . I went through this exact situation a few years ago. I have never done anything but mutual masturbation with another guy, but somehow my guilt and misinformation caused a real panic to set in. I called 4 or 5 AIDS hotlines, read books, went on line, anything to reassure me that what I had done hadn't exposed me to HIV. All the professionals told me that in my case IF I had a microscopic break in my skin and IF some of his semen got into it and IF he did in fact have HIV, I still would have a very very remote chance of ever getting it myself. They told me of nurses who recieved needle pricks while drawing blood from AIDS patients who hadnt gotten infected. They told me about people who regularly shared a toothbrush with HIV+ partners and hadn't either. No matter how much they reassured me I was still tormented by the thought that I could have possibly gotten something or worse passed it on to an inocent party. I went through a milion senarios of what might happen if it were true. I woke up sort of sweatty on a warm evenings and was sure I had "night sweats" I was sure every bump or cut I noticed was a lesion. I went to a free AIDS research clinic and got tested and counseled. I was nearly out of my mind during the waiting period, {now they can get the results right away) Happily I was clear of HIV and all the other STD that are even easier to catch as well. I swore I would never get myself into that situation again, but I did. After time had passed and the fear sort of faded into a bad memory. I had another encounter and went through the same thing all over again... Again no HIV.
I decided to get some counseling and found out how to accept that although I don't want to have or ever have had sex with another guy or live with another guy. I do still crave the intimacy from another male as well as the thrill that comes from doing something taboo and how the rush of doing something risky can become addicting. I had the classic growing up situation. A good but sort of distant father, a loving mother that sort of ran the show and had a few anxiety issues she passed along to us. I had an Uncle who messed around with me a few times when I was about 8. Whatever... there I was left trying to figure out where I stood on this whole sex thing. I've decided not to let sexual urges run my life. I am not responsible for figuring out why I am the way I am but just working things out in such a way as to avoid putting myself and others at risk, maintaining my self respect by having control over my urges, sexual or otherwise and by obeying my concience as much as possible. And being honest. And by honest I don't mean being "full disclousure" spilling my guts about my intimate feelings or personal desires or drawing lines in the sand about where I stand with my sexual orientation for the whole world to know. It's nobodys business and becaise I choose to keep it to myself doesn't mean that I am being dishonest. I allow myself to "dabble" in this side of my sexuality with limitations, to eliminate it altogether would be unrealistic. Its quite perplexing at times to be in this situation but it's better to face it and make a plan so the frustration and anxiety are more manageable.
Anyway...I hope my experience with this has helped you feel less anxious and less alone with your fear. Find a professional who will help you understand yourself and you will see how this will alieviate much of the confusion and anxiety you are experiencing.
Hang in there Bro. your gonna' be OK !

 

[Soilwork]

Rookaponz... you still need help, in this layman's opinion.

Having sex if you're into guys isn't "taboo", it's just... well, a natural expression of a person's sexuality.

Learning to control your behaviour hasn't cured your OCD about HIV, it's just added another layer of neurosis to it.

 

[pocoloco78]

Are you serious.... ?
Oh my god, how hard can you make it for yourself ?

Just do what you like, don't do what you dislike... but be responsable.

 

[Rmonty206]

Rookaponz... you still need help, in this layman's opinion.

Having sex if you're into guys isn't "taboo", it's just... well, a natural expression of a person's sexuality.

Learning to control your behaviour hasn't cured your OCD about HIV, it's just added another layer of neurosis to it.

To the majority of people in the world, two men having sex is Taboo wether you think so or not. For me at the time this also was taboo hence the resulting guilt and worry. As I said I have never had or want to have actual sex with another guy but I do enjoy the intamacy that can be had witout having intercourse.
Although you don't know me, you have reached a snap diagnosis and have determined that I have OCD as well as multiple layeres of neurosis' in this matter. Just so you know, I am neither compulsive nor do I obsess about any of these things. Seeking out answers and understanding as to why one thinks and feels the way one does is not obsessive. Being extremely worried about having exposed myself to a disease that at the time was just beginning to be understood, is a natural reaction rather than being neurotic. I shared my experience on here only because I thought it would be helpful for him to hear from someone who had gone through the same thing and come through the experience having gained new insights and clarity for himself. Otherwise I hardly give it a second thought, but thanks for your concern.

 

[nwdavis]

That last reply didn't help me much! lol I'm not laughing though...Call me hysterical, but I'm shaking with tears of fear as I type this....I didn't realise until yesterday how unready I am to do anything with a man. I feel disgusted, repulsed with myself, I am wracked with guilt. All because of a two second kiss....PLEASE PLEASE someone reassure me. I don't need a HIV test do I? The ODDS are that remote they are neglible, AREN'T THEY? PLEASE REASSURE ME I WILL BE OK?????

If you are really that upset about just go get teseted and put your mind at ease. You can get HIV from your girlfriend too you know.