Impact of Aids/HIV on your life

[fuzzy64]

With all the discussion about barebacking, going on around here, I thought I would start a thread about how Aids/HIV have impacted your life. how many friends you have lost, how it has affected your sex life if any, things like that, what were your thoughts at the time of it's arrival? did you change your sexual habits?

When Aids/HIV hit full on, I was just coming out sexually, and it made me so mad. I had missed the sexual revolution of the 70's, and honestly don't know if thats good or bad, but when it was MY time to come out and explore, everyone was so afraid to have sex, most of the outlets (bookstores, bathhouses) were closed down, and I was too nervous to go into the bars. Everybody was afraid to have sex, (thats what it seemed)including me, it was scary to think that the next time you sucked a cock, or fucked somebody that you might get sick from it... Over the next few years things got easier and easier, People started to relax a little, but it still didn't help that people were dying all over because of this sickness.

over the next few years, once I did start going to the bar, I still never let my defenses down when it came to sex, why? because I was scared, didn't want to take chances, the number of cases was rising and rising, and then it happened... people I knew were becoming infected, friends of mine were getting taken down by this disease, a disease that nobody had any idea on how to stop.

Things got worse, this disease not only affected our sex lives, it also had an impact on our everyday lives as well, AIDS was only attacking gay men, so therefore it became the "Gay Disease" something "the fags" started...we were being punished for being gay, our friends were becoming sick, and dying.. Then something happened, a straight man contracted HIV... then another, then a woman, then another...

We learned that now it was not just something gay people had to worry about, it was something EVERYBODY had to worry about it. A day wouldnt go by that AIDS/HIV wasnt mentioned in the media, it was always there, hitting us in the face, letting us know its alive and kicking. now 26 years later, AIDS/HIV are still a big part of the world, but nothing is ever mentioned about it. people are still having annomous unprotected sex, ( I get that from reading the boards) and the big problem with that is the ones that ARE doing it alot, are guys under 30 some even under 25.. people need to realize that although AIDS/HIV aren't ever mentioned, we need to remember that its still very much alive.

Every year at our Pridefest, a big portion of the AIDS quilt is there, laid out for you to read. everytime I read it, still to this day-- it has such a powerful impact on me. Since AIDS/HIV have been around, I have lost approx. 12 friends to it, with several friends living with HIV as well. seeing what they go through on a daily basis, is a big wake-up call.

I hope there is a cure for it one day, and actually I would love to have it happen in my lifetime, so I can celebrate the end of this deadly disease.

 

[HartfordGuy]

There are alot more HIV+ guys out there than you know about. They keep it secret and run amuk on sites like Manhunt.

I know it is tempting to say.."Well, i'll do bareback just this time because i know the guy and he says he's negative". Well it only takes one time to catch it. Oh I'm sure there are times when no bodily fluids are exchanged, but in those cases, when you learn the guy was HIV+, you just dodged a bullet.

"They have new drugs now" people say. Sure, but they have terrible side effects. You like having diarhea every day? That'll do wonders for having anal sex.

"I can have all the unprotected sex after I get infected" they think. WRONG!

Doctors will tell you how you can get reinfected by a different version of the virus, maybe even one that is resistant to the drugs you are taking. Plus there are other super viruses out there. Gonorhea has now mutated to be resistant to penicillen. Wonderful eh?

Yes, these bareback video and photoshoots with young people are not good examples for the younger generation here.

 

[fuzzy64]

it amazes me that over 100 people have read this thread, and only 4 have responded.. does that mean that AIDS/HIV hasn't impacted your life? or is it that it's not that important of a thread to answer?

 

[LarsVenice]

It might be difficult for some people to write about, and the impact on younger people will be very different than that on older people.

I was living in San Francisco in the 1970s until October 1984, and it was very scary. In the beginning, so little was known about it that people thought they would catch it from kissing or perhaps even just touching a person or sharing a water bottle. No one knew what to do about it, but people did not stop having sex because they didn't know that that was the primary way to get it. I always had boyfriends in SF, but most of them lasted only a couple of months or so, and I was just lucky not to get infected. I did lose a lot of friends, but actually most of them died after 1984, when I had moved to Austin. I lost my very best friend in SF, whom I had known since college, a BF from Vancouver, and an ex-BF who was also a very close friend, David. David was in complete denial about having it, but when he would visit me in L.A., I could tell something was wrong. He always had an explanation about his symptoms, including the sores. Although he told me I was his closest friend, I wasn't even informed when he died and only learned about it when I asked our mutual friend in Mexico City about him. I had introduced David to Michelle in Mexico, and he returned many times to visit her. He even took his family to meet her, and they notified her of his death when it happened. Later, I read his obituary in Frontiers, as David was well know in L.A. I used to read TWT (This Week in Texas) in the late 80s and find acquaintances in the obituary column there.

I stopped having sex in the 80s because it seemed like playing Russian Roulette, and I finally got tested in Austin and was so relieved to find out that I was negative. After that, I made sure I was very careful about sex, but not much was known about safe sex even in the early 80s. I finally found a BF in Austin who wanted a monogamous relationship with me, and so we were able to have unprotected sex after the quarantine period and getting tested. He didn't want to move to L.A. with me when I finished university, and so that was the end of that relationship. I haven't had anything close to a BF in L.A., although I did meet a guy on a camping trip that I fell in love with. Unfortunately, he lived in Mission Viejo - about 1-1/2 hours away on the dreaded 405, and I could not stand the pain of wanting to be with him and be separated. I have a good supply of condoms, but haven't had the occasion to use them lately.

 

[Croynan]

The Local Village Idiot Commentary ​

7 comments and 139 views - now that is what i call really dealing with the situation.

amazing how threads dealing with AIDS - in a variety of ways get so little response as far as postings go.

this issue is alive and well and kicking and yet homosexuals don't seem to be talking about it, unless the complain about not having bareback sex - they they get on their individual bandstands and proclaim their rights to do and act as they wish.

a lousy bit of white creamy fluid - and they won't deal with the issue surrounding it. why does that one item, determine the sexual lives of so many in ways that go beyond any degree of reasoning and COMMON SENSE. one would think it was part of the world's gold supply the way it is treated as if it were "with hollow crowns."

and as for some of the posting from some of our younger adults, one wonders if they have ever heard of the phrase AIDS? fuck they have heard of - but past that their minds seems to have gone blank.

The Aids Quilt should be touring this country every four years at a minimum and locked up in some storage units - that quilt more then any other device seems to be the one that best keeps the issue alive. And the homosexual community - what ever the fuck that is - needs to keep that Quilt alive with new patches to remind people of where we have come from since those early days - and where we are now - some approx. 26 years later.

local village idiot no . 988776 checking in.​

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eM. ​

 

[Endlight]

The Local Village Idiot Commentary ​

7 comments and 139 views - now that is what i call really dealing with the situation.

amazing how threads dealing with AIDS - in a variety of ways get so little response as far as postings go.

Perhaps some of us have reasons to remember in silence. I was a volunteer caregiver in a house that took in AIDS victims during the bad times. I met men, loved their courageous fight, followed their hopes when new meds where tried, held their hands when a few died. I have nothing else to say.

 

[Andreus]

i am hiv positive due to a transfusion i needed when i was injured while travelling.

it has a great impact on my life

what i DO think that this thread has the potential to do that people are not considering is make the positive guys out there feel shame

no matter how well intended the thread starter is,someone comes along and says something really shitty

there are about twenty members here that PM'd me to tell me they were Hiv pos when i openly disclosed that info.

a few that did would be very very suprising and alarming to the general membership and i see why they wouldnt be open about it

no one has to disclose their status to anyone unless they are going to exchange body fluids through sex or transfusion

 

[MRMATTX2]

The impact is hard to explain. It's always been there for me, I was never sexually active before it started.

I was very scared to have sex, or even touch anyone - or anything, that was frequented by gay men. Gradually, I started experimenting, meeting guys and using condoms. I was very closeted, had no gay friends whatsoever during the height of the crisis, so I've never lost any friends to it. I do have a few friends who are HIV +, all but one live very normal lives, take the meds and are non-detectable. They have jobs with good companies. One of them was ecstatic recently when his Dr. put him on the new 1 pill per day.

In the last year or so...it seems I meet more and more guys who are OK with barebacking. They have the attitude that if they get it.....I'll just take the pills and live my life. I hate to see this - even though for many it has become a manageable condition, it still wrecks havoc with your body and overall health, and who's to say everyone will respond so well to these drugs.

I truly hope one day this disease will become a memory.

 

[Andreus]

Drew. perhaps i am coming at this from the wrong angle, but why the heck should Poz guys feel shame??? Forgive me if i've mis-understood the point of your post.. but poz guys have done nothing wrong, so why should they feel shame.

Croynan got off to a great start... then he started generalising about the "younger generation...."

Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda.....

I'm not ignorant of the facts, nor am i stupid.

However, the influences on today's youth are stronger, different from the youth of the 80's.

There are many points to discuss here... lets not allow it to dis-intergrate into a thread of the old "wise" ones and the young "foolish" ones... eh?

rhey shouldnt feel shame

but someone will make a comment that will really really hurt

someone said openly in a thread that they didnt respect me anymore because i tested positive

do you know that one guy sent me message after message insisting i explain why i would still have sex with men after testing positive

he honestly believed that the gay sex was the issue and since id tested positive i needed to only have sex with women to be safe

this kind of PM

that kind of comment

is just parr for the course when this topic comes up, and frankly, its hard enough dealing with the whole thing in your head without having someone elses demons insisting on crashing the party

 

[josher]

For some of us who lost almost all of our close friends to AIDS in the eighties this is just too painful to talk about. I will say that it quickly changed my sexual habits. I consider it a miracle that I survived the 70's and early 80's without becoming infected.

 

[Brer Fox]

Though I also do not know anyone who is openly HIV positive, and have not had personal contact with the disease, it has effected me greatly. I have gained great sympathy for its victims, and have become as much an advocate against the prejudice and ignorance about the disease as I can.

Thankfully I have a penchant for personal research, and I have learned just about all I can about transmission, and how to protect myself. With that knowledge I will never put my self at risk with flagrantly dangerous behaviors like barebacking, and I abhor those who put themselves and others in jeopardy for a smidgeon of extra pleasure.

Unfortunately, though, I am highly obsessive at times, and I do tend to have a fatalistic irrational fear about my catching it. I live in Arkansas in an area where there are very few new cases each year (only about 1 per 100,000), but even with this rarity and safe sex for anal I still cannot really be at ease during or after sex. I always obsess about if the condom leaked, or if a little bit of pre-cum got into some tiny crack in my gums and sealed my fate. Like just about everyone I do not use condoms for oral, and I consider it an acceptable risk given the statistics.

I force myself to rationalize: Even though this disease is absolutely crippling, do I really want to let it control me and take away simple pleasures like giving head? On the one hand, I never ever want to have to live with HIV, but on the other I feel that living in its shadow and never fulfilling my sexuality in my youth is far worse, and is in a sense already living in defeat.

This is a quandary I cannot get over. I want this disease to be cured so badly not only because it is tragically conquering humanity by preying on our sexuality, but because I just want, putting it bluntly, to fuck without worry that I might get a death sentence. I just wish I could convince myself to enjoy sex without unnecessary fears ruining the overall experience.

It has also, sadly, led to a bit of self-loathing, and at times delusional ideas that AIDS might really be punishment for being gay, or that I am doomed to get it. These are pathetic and completely unfounded, but I sometimes find myself in a great state of depression in light of all the suffering and the uncertainty that I just almost give up.

So yeah, HIV has effected me considerably. All I have is a prayer that I live my life free of its grip, and that someone comes up with a way to stop it. I am sickened at the general lack of coverage this disease is getting. It is truly unfortunate that this is still seen as a gay disease, as heterosexuals will soon find that AIDS is out of its little box, now. It is really the greatest natural enemy to mankind there is, there is no need for flash pandemics like avian flu, HIV is just snowballing out of control, and the ignorance just simply needs to stop.

 

[Andreus]

people with HIV are not victims

they are patients

its a smal thing, but its an important thing

victim implies a lack of power to affect change

as with any serious disease, if you surrender, you are dead

 

[Croynan]

As i say fella, apologies for coming at it potentially from the wrong angle.

As for your comments:

its hard enough dealing with the whole thing in your head without having someone elses demons insisting on crashing the party

I've had no personal 1st hand experience, however i've got friends who are at that stage right this second, and i agree with you in it's entirity.

Is there something i am missing and or not understanding here , but did you not recently post about an HIV scare(s) you had - i believe you just mentioned this in several postings and or threads yourself.

If i am in error or my comments have proven to be offensive i do apologize and am more then willing to have this posting removed immediately at your request to me or by reporting the posting as it being offensive to yourself.


as for my "generalized"comments of what is happening with our younger members, my comments were/are based upon various news threads we have had posted in this very forum and an extensive number of postings by the young adults on this website themselves - also in this forum.

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eM.​

 

[PreTTy PeTe]

i miss me friends

but heck i got all these cool guys waiting in heaven for me
we going to party hard when i get there
party likes it's 1999


miss them i say