In love? Obsesed? Give your 2 cents (kinda long)

[mxbearboy]

Hi guys!
Haven't been here in a while. But I'm going through some stuff and I tought you could give me some insight. Recently I met a guy on manhunt. He's from the same city as me, but I'm back only for the summer. He contacted me first. I'm a cub, kinda bearish but young, and he's got a swimmers body. That was going to be a first for me, so I said yes. I went to pick him up to his house and we went to his favorite motel.
We fucked and then we started talking. He's 18 and has been in a gang, had a son, been kicked out of his house and came back. He's got an impressive story. I'm older and I haven't had that many experiences. Not that they're good ones, but he's got some stories to tell. I was impressed, a LOT. He liked me, he said I look like Greg Grunberg, his favorite bear. He's a lot into money, doesn't prostitute, but money is important for him. He's willing to go into a carreer that he's not interested as long as there's money involved. Once we talked some more he said he could fall in love with me, but that he didn't want to, usually he only fucks with guys once and then that's it. I said it didn't want to be his boyfriend, but I wanted to see him again. We agreed to be fuck buddies. Once our time was over I leaved him with his other lover.
He said we could meet again in a couple of days.
Once that time came I woke up like a child on christmas morning. I called him, no answer. That was like for the whole weekend. I must have dialed a hundred times, SMSed too, wrote an email. I was going crazy. Finally I got him online. He wasn't mad, just a little annoyed. We didn't meet again until a week after we did it for the first time. First I drove him to a couple of places and then we went again to a motel. I fucked him hard, he liked it. That week I went on a trip and got him a little silver medallion. He liked it. We had a great time. He said it too.
I told him that I was falling for him, he told me not to. He didn't want to involve feelings. I took him home.
He usually doesn't answer his cell phone. I don't know if it's because he screens calls or he just doesn't do it.
He does not get online that much, and I'm always fearful that he'll block me for some reason. (I'm really insecure, I know).
The problem is that I cannot stop thinking about him. I'm always checking if he's online, if he's not online sometimes I think he's blocked me. I even thought about hacking his e-mail. I always want to call him, but usually I have to control myself not to. I know where he lives, but I daren't go over. I have some of his friends numbers, but I daren't call them to check on him. I'm a mess and I'm always afraid I will scare him off.
He says he likes me and that we'll fuck whenever I return. I don't care if we're not a couple, or that he fucks other guys but I have a hard time to get my mind off of him and to not think about when he's going to be online next time or if we'll really meet again. I'm going craaaaazy!
Today he told me online that his ex saw a hickey I gave him and broke the medallion I got for him. I was so mad. I got him that so he'd remember me and now it's gone.
Mmmm, that's all that I can think of now. Please leave a comment, constructive. If u wanna ask something that's fine too. I'll try to answer it my best.
Well, thanks guys. Hope to read some advice soon.

 

[hackingnomberr]

Dude, you're getting in way too deep, you need to pull back unless he's starting to feel something for you too, otherwise it's just gonna suck more when you have to pull out of it.

 

[mxbearboy]

Dude, you're getting in way too deep, you need to pull back unless he's starting to feel something for you too, otherwise it's just gonna suck more when you have to pull out of it.

I know, but I'm going back to college next week. I think I've got too much time on my hands right now and we're too close, geographically. I think some time and some distance will make it better. Could be?

 

[mxbearboy]

hey guys? no one else? come on! I'm really in need of some advice here.

 

[KaraBulut]

You already know the answer on this one.

You're obsessed. You're bordering on stalking. The more this guy tells you not to get involved and the more he pushes you away, the more you get obsessed.

So, what will it take to stop this? Having him pick up the phone? Having sex with you again? Making him love you?

This is more about you needing validation that he's as interested in you as you are interested in him. But you're probably not going to get that (otherwise, you wouldn't be as obsessed as you are, right?).

For you own mental health, delete his number, take him off your contact/friends list and focus your energies elsewhere.

 

[Eagle653]

You already know the answer on this one.

You're obsessed. You're bordering on stalking. The more this guy tells you not to get involved and the more he pushes you away, the more you get obsessed.

So, what will it take to stop this? Having him pick up the phone? Having sex with you again? Making him love you?

This is more about you needing validation that he's as interested in you as you are interested in him. But you're probably not going to get that (otherwise, you wouldn't be as obsessed as you are, right?).

For you own mental health, delete his number, take him off your contact/friends list and focus your energies elsewhere.

I can't add any more to this, except to reinforce the message.

Please re-read KaraBulut's message over and over until you internalize it and act on it.

On your present path, you are on the road to heart ache. You really need to change gears here and remove yourself from him and this turmoil. I know that's not what you want to do, but he's not going to be the partner you want, and he can't give you want you need. You both agreed to be fuck-buddies, and that was fine. But, you went beyond that, and he didn't.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know, from personal experience, how much that hurts. Please take care of yourself.

 

[mxbearboy]

I know, I know. I'm heart aching already.
I guess I just needed to let this out and talk to somebody about it, which I cannot do as I'm not out to many ppl. Thank you guys.

I think I will follow your advice. But there is still that part of me that will always want him. Do you think if I let go for a while, like a month or so, can I still meet him again next time I'm home?
I know I must seem really pathetic. I don't mean to stalk him, but is just that I want to know from him. I think that is what gets me the most: not knowing. And I keep imagining these worst case scenarios in which he wont see me again. I guess I would like to know that for sure. He has told me many times that he still wants to see me when I come back, but my own insecurities and paranoia keep me from believing that. I guess, in the end, if I don't let go it will be like a self-fulfilled prophecy, so I'll force myself to do it now in order to see if I can handle it better later. How about that?

Again, thank you all, I really needed to vent this out. I'm feeling better already!

 

[KaraBulut]

We've seen this before.

When you get busy or you find someone else to occupy your interest, you'll have a different perspective on this.

In time, you'll remember him but this obsession will go away.

But given the circumstances, no- it's not a good idea for you to keep in touch with him.

 

[mxbearboy]

Come on! I'll be a good sport. I promise.

I know that prolly isn't wise to contact him again. I don't know yet if I will or even if he'll truly see me. But I want to at least leave the possibility open.

In time I'll decide what to do. Thanks for all the peace (and piece) of mind you've given me. It's been really helpful.

 

[bayareayoungin]

Ok, stop calling him! You both agred to be fuck buddies, if u wanted more than that u should have made that clear and if he didn't want that, u couldve agreed not to go any further. When people blow up my phone I get REALLY irritated! I hate it! Especially since you're not his boyfriend. And I know it was a nice gesture to buy him a medallion, he didn't deserve it! Save thoughtful gifts for someone who cares about you and isn't fucking u and other people. He's 18 and sounds slutty

 

[mxbearboy]

Ok, stop calling him! You both agred to be fuck buddies, if u wanted more than that u should have made that clear and if he didn't want that, u couldve agreed not to go any further. When people blow up my phone I get REALLY irritated! I hate it! Especially since you're not his boyfriend. And I know it was a nice gesture to buy him a medallion, he didn't deserve it! Save thoughtful gifts for someone who cares about you and isn't fucking u and other people. He's 18 and sounds slutty

I stopped calling already, since last week. It was only that weekend that I called a zillion times because he left me hanging. I called because he said we'd meet again and I was so eager to do it. I don't mind if we're not a couple, in spite of the mixed signals maybe I'm sending. I accept it, I'm obsessed with him. It's just that he made an impact on me few ppl do.

He IS slutty, I like that. He always fucks around with other guys even when he's on a relationship and does not hide it. I don't mind it. I'm not asking for fidelity. I'm asking for a chance to get closer, not as a boyfriend maybe, but I'd like to be a fuck buddy with a little more emphasis on buddy. He wants just the fucking. Also, the first time we met after we had (amazing) sex and started chatting he told me that he could easily fall in love with me, but seems the one that did that was me.

The second time we met I told him that I liked him very much and that I was sorry for going crazy on him. He told me it was fine, that he wasn't mad about it, but it got annoying. I then told him that if he ever wanted to break things off to tell me straight up, that I wouldn't be mad and it'd be easier for me to accept it that way. He said he did wanted to keep seeing me, but just for sex and that I shouldn't fall in love with him. I told him I'd try hard not to since I already liked him so much. I asked if he had a problem with that and he said he didn't.

Yes, I bought him the medallion. He loved it. It made me so happy when he said that. Maybe he doesn't deserve it, but I was still happy to do it. He has been straight with me, as far as I can tell. I'm the one that's going crazy. I don't blame him for anything. I'm the one who's getting all his hopes up for nothing. I get that. I realize I need to let go, but is hard to do it. That's why I trust in going away. So that time and distance will help me cope with this.

While I'm writing this he hasn't got online today. I'm having some thoughts of him blocking me, but I realize that may not be the case and maybe he's just not online now. Anyway, I'm not planning to contact him right now. Maybe I'll see him online tomorrow, the day after, idk, but I'll try my best to keep my distance. I'm leaving at the end of the week for college, I'll be busy and I wont be back for a while. Maybe I'll try to contact him again when I do get back, after all he said he'd like it. But for now I'm trying really hard to get my mind off of him and focus somewhere else. College is the way to go, I believe. Many things could happen. So, lets see what does.

Fuck! Do I sound pathetic or what? Hahahaha! I'll just kick my own ass.

 

[mxbearboy]

Wow, you need to get help, and now. This is seriously unhealthy behavior and stalkeresque. Why do I feel that while you "know where he lives, but daren't go over" you've driven by his house multiple times? Indulging your obsessions, and yes this is an obsession, is plain wrong, period, end of story.

Fuck! When you put it like that I really come off as scary! But I'm not thaaaat crazy. Maybe I've been exagerating a little, I tend to do that. I'm such a drama queen!

The only time I've driven up to his place is when I picked him up and when I dropped him off. Honest!

Once someone told me that the difference between sane and insane is that sane thinks about doing things, insane actually does them. So...if you consider that maybe I'm not so insane after all.

Yes! It is unhealthy and stalkeresque, I realize that now. Man, I'm so embarrassed! But believe me, I never would do such things. I do understand that's not ok. I'm actually a pretty nice guy. I just have my moments of crazyness, don't we all have'em sometimes?

 

[rareboy]

Do you think if I let go for a while, like a month or so, can I still meet him again next time I'm home?

No.

Fuck! Do I sound pathetic or what? Hahahaha! I'll just kick my own ass.

Yes, you really come across as pathetic in this thread. snap out of it.

BTW. The guy sounded like pure trouble. I'm sure he'll end up being some guy's bitch in jail.

 

[AlmondMilk]

Honestly, I was in your shoes not too long ago. I talked to a few people who seemed pretty genuine. It got to the point we exchanged numbers and talked. The point in time when we would finally meet, they bailed. I had their number, email, knew their address, etc. If I wanted to I could just go and ask. I did. I didn't go to their homes though, lol. But I did leave messages asking why they stopped responding, how come they said all these things but bailed like 20 minutes after the last message they sent.

You know what? People change their minds. They're not all mindful that they're dealing with humans. People sometimes just don't want to deal with things at the moment, so they block them out. After being all stalky, then giving him time to himself, then contacting him... it MAY work. You might get a decent convo out of him, but he seems like a game player. He probably gets the satisfaction out of knowing some guy WANT to fuck with him.

Yes, it's hard to stop being obsessed, but it only stops when you want it to. For me, I hooked up because I loved sex. I felt like I was a good lover. Guys didn't complain when I bottomed or topped. I loved the moaning and the sensuality. But honestly, I got to talking to one of the guys after we had sex, and he told me I needed a relationship and not a friend with benefits kind of deal. In a relationship, you CAN get that feeling of love. And I guess my perception of love was altered by the sex.

Yes, sex feels good, but to think that sex is ONLY love...is just not a way to think. I met one more guy. We had sex, and he was looking for a relationship. It was just meant to fail. If a guy needs sex off the bat when we're STARTING to date, to me the relationship is doomed.

So I started dating to this other guy. We've been talking for a couple of months, and we made it understandable that if we did meet and started dating, that if we wouldn't do anything sexual for at least the first 4 times meeting.

AHAHA! I know I feel lame, but I really do want to find that person who can love me and not just that sexual side of me. Maybe you're also looking for a genuine guy who is just fine cuddling in bed with you, chatting outside or whatever.

In any case, good luck with your situation. Remember: only you can stop yourself.

 

[mxbearboy]

You know I understand about the lighting stricking and all that. But to be honest here this is insane. You are heading for a nightmare. Of course he likes you and I am amazed that you can't see why. You give him rides here and there, you buy him gifts. Your a sugar daddy and I am sure he will ride that for whatever he can get.
But your obession with an 18 yr old is dangerous, because he is 18, hasn't started living yet. He may be on the level, but I would be cautious. You knocked down the door after a few hours of talking with a guy.
Your actions buddy, say alot. If I were the guy, YES, you would scare me off and fast.
Stop buying him gifts. If he wants to be with you let him be with you because he likes you, not because you give him gifts on top of everything else.
I think what your doing is not healthy on several levels. I think you may have some insecurity issues that you need to address because it's almost like you paying for this,even though you say it isn't about money.
Just becareful. Back off. Not for his sake, but yours.

Ok, ok. You're definitively right about insecurity issues. I think that's why I'm so in need to have a little more than sex. I hadn't realized about the sugar daddy thing, but I did surprise him with the gift. He didn't expect that. I will not buy him any more gifts, that's for sure. I wanted to replace the medallion that his ex broke but that wouldn't be a good idea.

He is 18, but man! has he led some life. Maybe as rareboy says he'll end up as someone's bitch in jail sometime, idk. He's like a character that came out of a book. That's why he made such an impression on me. Besides, he's the cutest thing when he smiles!

Last night I was goofing around on manhunt again and he was online. I didn't send him anything. But I knew he was there. He was not on messenger though and again I thought he'd blocked me. I kept telling to myself that maybe he did, maybe he didn't. If he did, however, that sends a message. I wouldn't try to contact him again if I never saw him online because then I'd know he does not want to have contact with me. It hurts a lot to realize that but hey, I brought it on myself.

 

[mxbearboy]

Honestly, I was in your shoes not too long ago. I talked to a few people who seemed pretty genuine. It got to the point we exchanged numbers and talked. The point in time when we would finally meet, they bailed. I had their number, email, knew their address, etc. If I wanted to I could just go and ask. I did. I didn't go to their homes though, lol. But I did leave messages asking why they stopped responding, how come they said all these things but bailed like 20 minutes after the last message they sent.

You know what? People change their minds. They're not all mindful that they're dealing with humans. People sometimes just don't want to deal with things at the moment, so they block them out. After being all stalky, then giving him time to himself, then contacting him... it MAY work. You might get a decent convo out of him, but he seems like a game player. He probably gets the satisfaction out of knowing some guy WANT to fuck with him.

Yes, it's hard to stop being obsessed, but it only stops when you want it to. For me, I hooked up because I loved sex. I felt like I was a good lover. Guys didn't complain when I bottomed or topped. I loved the moaning and the sensuality. But honestly, I got to talking to one of the guys after we had sex, and he told me I needed a relationship and not a friend with benefits kind of deal. In a relationship, you CAN get that feeling of love. And I guess my perception of love was altered by the sex.

Yes, sex feels good, but to think that sex is ONLY love...is just not a way to think. I met one more guy. We had sex, and he was looking for a relationship. It was just meant to fail. If a guy needs sex off the bat when we're STARTING to date, to me the relationship is doomed.

So I started dating to this other guy. We've been talking for a couple of months, and we made it understandable that if we did meet and started dating, that if we wouldn't do anything sexual for at least the first 4 times meeting.

AHAHA! I know I feel lame, but I really do want to find that person who can love me and not just that sexual side of me. Maybe you're also looking for a genuine guy who is just fine cuddling in bed with you, chatting outside or whatever.

In any case, good luck with your situation. Remember: only you can stop yourself.

Alex, man, thank you for this. I got you completely. You're right, ppl just sometimes forget they deal with other humans. I know I have done that. I do want to see him again. But first I want to make sure I'll be strong enough to deal with it properly. I do want to stop being obsessed, but I think I don't have enough will power right now to just not care. I'm not contacting him, but just to see him online gives me some sort of security. I would stop cold turkey, but I think I can't do that right now. He is still too fresh on my mind. Time will pass, it'll be ok. I trust it will.

Tricky, tricky sex. I think I did confuse sex with something else or with the possibility of something else. We'll in the end I'm learning something out of this. At least not all is lost.

Again, I really appreciate this. I hope that we all can find what we're looking for.

 

[mxbearboy]

Well, now I know he blocked me on messenger. It hurts really much to realize this. It hurts like hell. But this is the first step to move on. I guess I'll have some kind of grieving process now.
I gotta admit that I'm still thinking about contact him anyways. It sounds stupid, I know, but this guy is like a drug to me right now. But this is now. I'm still confident that with some time I'll see this whole experience in a different light.
I can't think of anything else now. Thank u all for everything.

 

[bayareayoungin]

How do you know he blocked you on instant messenger? Man, who cares. There's plenty of 18 year olds and people your own age that are willing to be your slutty fuck buddy without all these childish games

 

[mxbearboy]

How do you know he blocked you on instant messenger? Man, who cares. There's plenty of 18 year olds and people your own age that are willing to be your slutty fuck buddy without all these childish games

Well, he maybe blocked me on messenger, but he is still on my contact list and is listed as my favorite, that means that when he updates his personal message on messenger I get the new message on the network even if I can't see him online.
I didn't even know that could happen, but it did somehow. The changes that were registered happened within minutes and I couldn't see him online, but I could still see the changes, so I guess that means I'm blocked.

I know, it may seem idiotic to fixate so much on a person when there are so many ppl that would sleep with you. I can't explain it well myself. First, he is hoooooot as hell, man, he gave me a hard on just by looking at him with clothes on and everything, first time I saw him outside his house. Second, he is really cute, when he smiles, when he speaks, when he is impressed with something. Third, I don't really share many of his ideas. Not at all. Many of them I was against. But that didn't matter to me, I'm capable of talking and get along with someone even if I don't agree with that person. But it was really refreshing to talk to him. It was something new and exciting. Fourth, his hole is delicious! He's the first guy I truly enjoyed having anal sex with. We had an excellent sexual chemistry. His cocksucking, man! I can't even begin to describe it. Best sex ever, period.

I didn't even really saw that relationship as a serious one. That's why I didn't have a problem with him sleeping with other ppl. I didn't have a problem seeing him just on holidays or when I'm home. I wasn't planning on being faithful either. But I did wanted more than just going a cheap motel and fuck. Or maybe that, but I wanted it to be more constant maybe. I wanted a summer love fucking buddy. I don't know if I'm explaining myself.

I panicked, my own insecurities made me panick. But desire was so strong that I couldn't deal with it properly. I could feel (maybe I'm wrong) that he at least liked me a lot too. He said it. Could've been lying but didn't feel like that. He liked me because even if we hadn't many ideas in common we liked many of the same things that most of his friends didn't like. He even told me he could fall in love with me, but he didn't want to involve feelings because it made him weak. He said he'd be happy to meet again when I'm home. Even with all the unanswered calls he agreed to meet again and still have sex on future vacations. Maybe he's still up for that, he blocked me on messenger, but not on manhunt. I don't know. Right now I can tell u I am up for it too. But I don't know how these feelings will evolve, specially after this blow. I still gotta process this. It all has happened to fast.

In the mean time I can't do anything else than try to process this, accept it and move on. Next week I'll begin another chapter in my life, student life at least, a new semester and I don't know what that will bring. I'm sure I'll get over this. It'll be hard, but I know I will. He's not the first person to break my heart, I've broken a few of my own too. It still hurts tho.

Well, I just blurted this all out! Thanks for reading all my nonsense. Just getting it all out helps a lot.

 

[rareboy]

Jesus.

Stop being so obsessive when you have sex with someone.

You're scaring the children.