In love with a 'straight' guy-Advice Please

[westindianstud]

Hi guys, I need your advice.

I am in love with a 'straight' guy who has a girlfriend and whom everyone thinks is straight.

We met a year ago when I went for a job interview and he was one of the interviewers. I got the job and it was a couple months before I spoke to him again, but we had such a good time-we laughed and just got on so well. It was like we knew each other before. I never got the gay vibe from him, but sometimes he would look at me with such intensity that I was sure he was interested. Eventually, I asked him if he wanted to get a drink one night after work and he said yes and we went out and had a really good time, although nothing happened. We have gone out many times after with colleagues at the office and we always seem to end up talking to each other and laughing the most when in each other's company.

Anyway, last weekend all of us at the office went to the company's party and we had loads to drink and I, of course ended up spending most of the night with him. He kept bringing me drinks, got me my dinner and even got me dessert. He really made sure that I was taken care of. When I hit the dance floor, I made sure he could see me and I could see him watching me like an eagle. I finally got off the dance floor and went over to him and asked him if he wanted to go outside for some air. He said sure and then, to my complete surprise, he took me by the hand and led me outside. I was in such a state of shock-our hands were interlocked and we headed for a table. We sat down and I had my leg over his and he said nothing. We started to talk and then one of our colleagues came over and asked "Am I interrupting anything?" He looked like he was ready to kill her. That totally changed the mood of the night though and shortly after the party ended and we went our separate ways.

This week I wasn't sure what to do and how to react to what had happened, although it was nothing major (I mean we only held hands and I had my leg over his-not like we had sex or anything). I tried to ingore him this week, but I could feel him looking at me and when I looked at him, he would look away. I have spoken to him today and he was very short with me and just looked like he didn't want to speak to me.

What should I do? Do I dare talk to him about what happened at the party? This is the first guy that I have had such a strong connection with in a couple years. But he often tells me about his girlfriend as well, and I have met her a couple times, and don't want to cause any trouble. What should I do?

 

[justhappy]

I think you are your own worst enemy here .... why in the world did you try to ignore him this week .... and then wonder why he was short with you when you finally decided to talk to him..... dude you have to talk to him and not just us...

 

[westindianstud]

I know I acted like a right idiot this week , but I was unsure as to how to react. I wasn't sure if he would remember as we both had lots to drink that night. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable and I guess in the end, I messed up.

 

[justhappy]

as far as not remembering, can not say I ever drank that much but perhaps it is a case where he did remember and just wasn't sure how you would react the next day but your attempts at ignoring him were misunderstood as you were uncomfortable with what happened...perhaps you should invite him out again and pick a place where there is less of a chance of a coworker or friend showing up and disrupting the mood, that would give you the chance to figure out if the attraction was mutual...

 

[JNewYork]

Well, I would guess there is something up, that he likes you too.

But that coworker who said, "Am I interrupting something?" Remember, she and others will notice the connection you and he have at the office and you will be subject to gossip.

Is that something you don't care about?

Is your job very important to you? I ask because your place of work can become a very, very painful place for you as you get with this guy.

I went though hell on a job when I was younger. Hell.

But if others talking about you, that they "think something is going on between you and him" doesn't bother you, then go for it.

I believe relationships CAN work out at work. But please understand that it's still playing with fire.

If he's also getting busy with other coworkers, it will be one tangled web at your job. Are you SURE that YOU are the ONLY person at your place of employment who this man is interested in?

That woman who came out and asked if she was interrupting may have had her eyes on you and him because there may be something going on between her and him.

There may be something going on with a few people at your job. Not to make you paranoid; I'm just speaking from experience.

I do wish you the best outcome. I say go for it--as long as you have the strength to deal with it not working out.

I'm hoping it will work out.

 

[Rex]

When he was holding hands and whatnot with you he was going with his natural intentions but when the woman said "am I interrupting anything" that was sort of a wakeup call to him. I think he may have some homosexual feelings towards you that were upped when he had a few drinks but he obviously isn't comfortable with it.

I think him ignoring you at work and giving you the cold shoulder is a sign that he's not comfortable with the feelings he has. You didn't do anything wrong so don't beat yourself up for it but what he's going through is what a lot of bi/gay guys go through. They're mad at themselves for their feelings towards another man.

I think in time he'll get over it and things can go back to the way they were but if you're close with him I would try talking about it with him in private. He must have been really drunk to hold hands with you and show affection like that in front of other co workers. Something I'm sure he regrets because he doesn't want to be looked at as gay. He has a reputation to uphold I'm sure.

Again, don't think YOU did something wrong because you really didn't but I wouldn't get my hopes up at having any sort of sexual relationship with this guy. I think you're friendship with him will be saved but that's probably as far as it may go.

 

[crosley2002]

I agree with arabbb - I think you need to give him time...and I WOULDN'T pursue him as a "boyfriend." I'm sure your co-workers have already discussed it (behind your back) and he's really embarrassed about the situation. PLAY IT COOL!!! But be friendly at all times - if he enjoys your friendship, he'll get over the embarrassment and things will get back to normal. Good friends are hard to find - try to do everything you can to salvage the friendship and but most of all give him LOTS of time.

 

[westindianstud]

Really good advice guys-I will think about this carefully before I decide what to do next. Thanks. I just hope I don't fuck it all up.

 

[GimmeADolla85]

Awe. =/ I hope your friendship with him is okay.

I don't even know if this is a good idea, but since I'm someone who must have everything laid out in the open.. are you going to talk to him about it?

Not about your attraction to him, or possibly being in a relationship with him, but are you going to talk about what happened at the party and where the friendship between you two lie?

Cause I definitely hate having one of my friendships end over something so trivial and stupid and not have any closure on the matter.

Keep us posted.

 

[westindianstud]

So, my colleague was off from work for the last couple days, but he was at work today and we spoke for a long time at lunch.
I emailed him earlier in the morning asking him what he was doing for lunch and whether he wanted to stretch his legs outside the office since it is sunny at the moment. He said sure and at 1:00 we headed out of the office.
We had a light lunch and then took a stroll through a park and eventually sat down. After talking about all kinds of stuff, I told him that I really enjoy his company and that I had so much fun at the summer party. I asked him if he remembered me doing my crazy dancing and then us going outside where we were approached by our colleague. He smiled and said that she is a nosey bitch, to which we both laughed. He then said that he always enjoys my company and that I make him laugh so much that he feels stress- free when around me.
He asked me what I was doing this weekend and asked if I wanted to meet up on Saturday for drinks.
Of course I said yes and then smiled and he just smiled back and kept looking at me for a while with these deep searching eyes. I almost reached over and grabbed him, but I exercised restraint and then we exchanged mobile numbers and then walked back to our office, chatting and laughing all the way back. He said that we should do it again sometime and then we parted ways.
What do you guys think? Am I wrong in thinking that he might be interested? This guy has me eating out the palm of his hands. HELP!!!

 

[G-Lexington]

I must have missed something - does he know you're gay?

Lex

 

[jamessmith08]

It sounds like he's interested. When you go out this weekend blunty ask him if he's into you or if he just enjoys your company.

If he just enjoys your company then it can continue as that, mild flirtation, but if he wants something you'll know.

Be quite careful about your wording though, but above all be honest and blunt.

 

[westindianstud]

So we went out today-a damn shitty day as it rained all day in London-boy did this day start badly. We met at around 12:30 and I was so excited, only to meet him with his girlfriend. They were having lunch when I got there and so I immediately became depressed. He told her that we were gonna hang out today and I smiled and played along, biding my time before I would decide to leave-I had no intentions of being a third wheel.

Just when I was ready to kill myself for being such an idiot and being played like that, she told us to have fun and then told me that she was off to Wales for the weekend to visit her sister who isn't too well. Stephen (my colleague/love interest and her boyfriend) then said that he was heading to drop her off at the station and I could come if I wanted or meet up in an hour. I chose to meet up in an hour.

At approx 2pm we met up again and he apologised for taking that long and then asked me what I wanted to do. I said that I was up for anything and he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies-he wanted to see 'The Mummy'. I said yes and we headed to the movies. We bought tickets and then went in the cinema. He said that he wanted to use the bathroom and I said that I did too, so we went in the toilets and he went to a urinal and I went too, but chose a urinal that was 2 away from the one he was at, making sure to be as normal as possible and not freak him out. But I could see him out of the corner of my eye, trying to get a look at my cock. I pretended not too notice and finished my business and then waited for him outside. We then got our seats and the movie begun 5 mins later.

About 15 mins into the movie, he moved his legs so that his leg was touching mine and I swear I could not breathe, let alone do anything. I was wishing for something to happen and was rock hard at this point. But nothing happened for quite a while and then he whispered something that I couldn't hear, so I had to move in closer. I purposely moved my ear closer to his mouth too quickly so that his lips touched my ear. He then told me some crap about the movie that I was not remotely interested in, but then I could feel his breath on my ear and I could feel my dick leaking pre-cum. I was so horny at that point, I woulda fucked him in the cinema if he asked.

He then continued to watch the movie and I was pissed, but then he moved his leg closer to mine and I am sure that my senses have never been as acute as they were today as I could feel every thing. To my complete shock, he slid down in his seat and put his hand on my hand and then our fingers interlocked. I was literally shaking. My body was trembling-it was a feeling I have never experienced before. He told me that he was so attracted to me and he has never felt this way about a guy before. He said that he was drawn to me as a moth to a flame (a bit cliche, but I ain't complaining). He then looked at me and I mean 'looked at me' and then moved in closer and kissed me. His lips were so soft and I made sure to brush my lips against his without any tongue action at all (didn't want to seem too desperate).

We kissed for probably 15 minutes and then continued to watch the rest of the movie hand in hand. After the movie, we exited and then went for some drinks at a pub, but we talked about everything except what happened earlier. But we enjoyed each other's company nonetheless. We then bid farewell as he was meeting his brother at the pub whom I had met before. After his brother got there, he said that he would call me tomorrow and I left for home. I can't wait for tomorrow. What started off as a shitty day turned out quite well.

I have had to jerk off twice since returning home and I am not sure I can sleep tonight. But had to share my happiness.

 

[AngelFromAbove]

I must say that I am slightly conflicted. On one hand, the story is hot and I am happy for you as the stories do not usually turn out to well for the guy who has the crush. On the other hand, he has a girlfriend, so where does that leave her?

Be careful. This incident could potentially come back to haunt you in the future.

 

[jamessmith08]

i'm happy for you and I hope things work out for the two of you.

His gf might be the one that gets hurt, don't be so pessimistic bw

 

[beebza]

Westindian I've been following ur story and checked in today to see how your date went - wow, am really happy for you that they turned out the way they did. There's nothing like the ember of a new crush/love. Maybe it will go somewhere, maybe it won't, but at least there's a start here and you can spend a bit of time getting to know and explore someone new...and have it reciprocated. I'm happy for you, and hope it works out. Of course holding hands is no contract and a kiss aint a promise...he might not ever go down the "sexual" route, but you obviously stir something in him and he trusts you enough to want to explore it. That's special...go slowly with him and make sure he keeps feeling safe with you.


As for the comments about his gf - the universe has a strange way of sorting these things out. If he - eventually - leaves her for westindianstud or any other person, man or woman, then that's how it was meant to be. Even she will agree eventually that its better than being stuck in a marriage with someone who would rather be with someone else...or someone of a different gender. I speak from experience here.

@bw - "I wouldn't fall in love with someone who already has someone else."...man, I wish I could control who I fall in love with, would make life a lot easier. But I can't. No-one can.

Keep us updated westindianstud....

 

[beebza]

Hey Westindian....how about an update? How's it going with your guy? Things work out?