In love with a too str8 guy...

[chace1617]

Well i wanted to tell you this cause i need someone to tell him and give me advise... I know this guy, who typically is my cousin but not by blood, cousin-in-law maybe. I only know him for 2 years and we rarely meet, Christmas sometimes in summer etc. He is like the most popular guy, knows everyone, everyone likes him and as you understand i like him, like a lot... he is very funny and protects everyone and enjoy hanging out with him. The fact is he seems to not enjoying being with me, he is ok when we go out but he definitely prefers his friends to go out with, and we are the same age so i asked him to call me when he goes out with his friends but he never calls me, he's very nice to me on the other hand. The other thing is that he is very very str8, when we are out and notices a hot girl he's like ''oh man look, she's hot, i'd definitely fuck her'' and stuff like that...

i think i am so in love with him, i'm so happy when we are together but also very shy too, i know if i was a woman we would be a very happy couple but know i don't know what to do, i can't just tell him cause no one knows i'm gay and i can't get him drunk and seduce him cause he never asks me out, when we go out my other brothers are with us....

 

[sixthson]

You have a crush on a guy you find very appealing. Stop acting like a 12 year old school girl. Closet guys like you are likely to have miserable lives because you fall for guys you cannot have. Grow up.

 

[racer2438]

Put on your big boy pants and find someone else. Why mix you family in-law into your closet. You know you cant have him so why keep this up. It's only going to make you feel bad cus you cant have him. So find someone else to spend your time with.

 

[Horschallen]

Yea, many of us have gotten caught in situations where we fall for straight guys that are elusive and not available. I have been there and have severed my friendship with them. We need to stick with ourselves, gay men, for friendships, relations, etc. Straight are straight and not available.

 

[MisterMajestic]

I still don't get why some Guys will continue drooling over "straight" guys that don't even want them...

There's so many Single Gay Guys out there...SINGLE Gay guys will remain single because MOST Gay Men don't know what they want...

 

[slnattak]

You have to come out to all gay guys. Find a gay social niche that meshes with your personality, and make yourself known there. (in real life somehow, not just online)

You're not going to find most gay men attractive, but you will hopefully find one that you like and are mutually compatible with.

But you won't do it unless you get yourself out there and make it known to others that "Hey, I'm gay!"

Does this crush you have even know you're gay himself?

It's not as hard as you make it out to be. You just have to show a gay man the same basic respect as you would anybody else, and don't project your own insecurities onto them. I see a lot of gay guys that are just rude to others.

I think what you really find attractive about this man is his confidence and his ability to be liked and popular with others because of that confidence. You wish you had that...that's what is going on here. It's not him that you're into , but his high self-esteem.

 

[chace1617]

thank you for your replies...
The thing is i don't know any gay guys cause i live in small village, and i don't have many opportunities... and i'm only 20 not ready to come out of the closet yet... i know str8 guys are only good for friends but its feeling guys i can't control them, you think i really want to get hurt again by a str8 guy? its just i can't control it...
and i have met a couple of gay guys and it's not my type, i couldn't have sex with someone i don't like, and all of them were angry rude queens. i'm not like that, i'm really like Zac in a way...
the fact is i was always attracted to str8 guys they turn me on, i've never met a gay guy who turned me on... is there something wrong with me?? if i meet a gay guy who is masculine enough and not a rude queen i'm sure i'd like him... i don't know...
and no i don't like my cousin in law because of his popularity, i like his personality, yes maybe i like his confidence, something i don't have, but thats why we fall in love with other people, cause they are the other half of us... otherwise we would fall in love only with ourselves...

 

[Halifaxboy8]

I understand what you're saying. There's not a lot of gay people that I am turned on by either.

Straight boys act and behave like..... well like boys. They tend to be a little on the rough and tough side. Where as gay guys act more like girls. (No offense to gay guys) But some guys are attracted to other gay men and some are not.

So I too tend to be more attracted to straight guys. It's a weird and sad situation, I know. But we just have to deal with it and move on.

I'm the same way. I find the gay community as a whole is populated with self-invovled, drama-loving, petty, fucked up, emotionally stunted, unstable.. Oh god, I was beginning to rant. Anyway, you get my point. I'm not saying ALL of the community is like that, but a lot is, and it breeds it.

I'm lucky in that a lot of my social scene revolves around the military and university. I get to see a lot of gay people but they aren't "fags".

But, back to the OP:

Its not wrong to be attracted to someone. You do have to realise that your attraction is misplaced. He has a lot of the qualities you idealise in a future boyfriend, but for you proximity and lack of other choices is making you fixate on this guy.

The only thing that can come out of this is tortured heartache. This is a one-sided infatuation and you need to try to look at this realistically for what it is.