In love with this guy but sex is driving me crazy? I need serious help here.

[shaunisaac]

Dear all,

I have been in relationship with my BF for 3 years now, we love eachother so much but I really don't understand why there is so much sex in our relationship. I mean my BF is always ready for sex. Even when I take my shirt off for a minute it drives him crazy and he starts having precum. When having sex we usually do for 1-2 hours straight no gap. When I am about to cum he stops me right there because he wants to me perform more in the bed. During this time he often cums for 2 times and on the third time he let me come. I have asked him to slowdown on sex but he becomes really sad. So I asked him one day why he always for sex and he replied that I make him super horny. I don't know what is wrong with him because he is really attractive guy and I am just average, his ex bf was really handsome and my old friend and once I asked him how much sex they used to have and he answered they would only do it once a week and that was the limit, he told me that my BF is not much of a sex person. I really love this guy and he loves me madly, he is very supportive and caring but this sex problem is driving me crazy. I usually find him masturbating at night when I asleep and I become sad because I can't satisfy his need. Once I thought maybe I am not attractive enough to satisfy him but during our sex he becomes so passionate and so aroused that it is beyond believe. What should I do? Today we had a big fight because I was tired last night, we did twice and in the morning while I was taking a shower, he joined me and started putting my penis in his mouth. I got really upset and told him to stop and shoved him out of shower, and now i feel really bad because this is our first major fight in 3 years.

 

[sixthson]

I don't have much time to answer this now, but I would say that this is not your problem, other than being a relationship problem. Your bf sounds like he is sexually addicted. If he is masturbating to porn after you have aready had sex, he is obsessed.
You have been together for 3 years and you love each other, so this is definitely something you need to work out.
Another bothersome thing is his control of you during sex--not letting you cum until he says you can, while he is cumming whenever he wants. When you talk to him, do you feel he hears you? Have you told him what his ex bf said about his low sex drive with him?

 

[shaunisaac]

I don't have much time to answer this now, but I would say that this is not your problem, other than being a relationship problem. Your bf sounds like he is sexually addicted. If he is masturbating to porn after you have aready had sex, he is obsessed.
You have been together for 3 years and you love each other, so this is definitely something you need to work out.
Another bothersome thing is his control of you during sex--not letting you cum until he says you can, while he is cumming whenever he wants. When you talk to him, do you feel he hears you? Have you told him what his ex bf said about his low sex drive with him?

He doesn't let me come because we decided to prolong sex and it was my idea to let him come twice or thrice so that I may not get tired. And he listens to him, he is very caring, he doesn't me do any household chore. I cheated on him not once but thrice, it broke his heart, he cried alot but he forgave me completely. Now I feel guilty because he is always putting best in our relationship and my friends say that you should be lucky to him as a boyfriend because I am just plain average in looks and career wise but he is super attrative and super successful.

 

[checkinthingsout]

How many times a week do you guys have sex? What are your ages? It sounds like he may have a sex addiction, and it might be worth him going to speak with someone about it. Maybe you could tell him how you feel and suggest that to him?

However, I would say it is definitely his problem and not yours.

 

[Seasoned]

Have a look at this site, Sexual Complusives Anonymous:

http://www.sca-recovery.org

 

[sosotun9091]

Dear all,

I have been in relationship with my BF for 3 years now, we love eachother so much but I really don't understand why there is so much sex in our relationship. I mean my BF is always ready for sex. Even when I take my shirt off for a minute it drives him crazy and he starts having precum. When having sex we usually do for 1-2 hours straight no gap. When I am about to cum he stops me right there because he wants to me perform more in the bed. During this time he often cums for 2 times and on the third time he let me come. I have asked him to slowdown on sex but he becomes really sad. So I asked him one day why he always for sex and he replied that I make him super horny. I don't know what is wrong with him because he is really attractive guy and I am just average, his ex bf was really handsome and my old friend and once I asked him how much sex they used to have and he answered they would only do it once a week and that was the limit, he told me that my BF is not much of a sex person. I really love this guy and he loves me madly, he is very supportive and caring but this sex problem is driving me crazy. I usually find him masturbating at night when I asleep and I become sad because I can't satisfy his need. Once I thought maybe I am not attractive enough to satisfy him but during our sex he becomes so passionate and so aroused that it is beyond believe. What should I do? Today we had a big fight because I was tired last night, we did twice and in the morning while I was taking a shower, he joined me and started putting my penis in his mouth. I got really upset and told him to stop and shoved him out of shower, and now i feel really bad because this is our first major fight in 3 years.

I think you guys are blessed. Honestly, it's rare to have so much sexual attraction after 3 years in a relationship. You should enjoy what you have. And if you're tired, let him go have sex with other guys. It will keep your relationship healthy.

 

[mcbrion]

I think you guys are blessed. Honestly, it's rare to have so much sexual attraction after 3 years in a relationship. You should enjoy what you have. And if you're tired, let him go have sex with other guys. It will keep your relationship healthy.

What an absurd pronouncement. Clearly, if this is an accurate account, one guy is a sex addict. And the other guy is going along with this. The dynamic is lopsided, and so is the relationship.

 

[sosotun9091]

What an absurd pronouncement. Clearly, if this is an accurate account, one guy is a sex addict. And the other guy is going along with this. The dynamic is lopsided, and so is the relationship.

If you have had relationships, you should know the sexual attraction dies gradually. And clearly if this guy's boyfriend is immensely attracted to him after 3 years, he should enjoy it.

 

[mcbrion]

If you have had relationships, you should know the sexual attraction dies gradually. And clearly if this guy's boyfriend is immensely attracted to him after 3 years, he should enjoy it.

That is another myth which many people believe. I had a 17 year relationship, and my attraction to my late lover wasn't even close to being gone in 3 years, although it is at 3 or 4 years that the "bloom falls off the rose," in psychology-speak, and people come to the realization that "this is who he/she really is". At that point, disillusionment can set in. Go read up on the cycles of relationships. Many, many relationships fail in the 3rd or 4th year, NOT due to actual sexual disinterest, but because people are no longer wearing rose colored glasses, and they are no longer in denial.And sometimes, aside from sexual interest, there was not much of a foundation for an enduring, balanced, happy relationship. There are other factors that determine desire waxing or waning over time, and quite a few of those are based on what happens outside of the bedroom in those 3 or 4 years. (Health matters are a different story, of course.)

Honestly, it is disturbing that people pass along this myth that sexual desire "automatically fades in two or three years." If you started off a relationship with intense sexuality which is not integrated into the relationship (in other words, all that drew you together was the sex), then yes, it will die down (aka "it was too hot NOT to cool down"). If you built a friendship with the person from the beginning, there is less chance that that will be so, because the Love was not based on desire, but on mutual caring for each other, which in many cases, makes the desire Increase over time, not Decrease.
In any case, I'd go with Seasoned's advice. I wager the OP will find it eye-opening.

 

[mcbrion]

Perhaps this will help with the myth-making fictions of relationships...

From Helen Fisher, Ph.D, Anthropologist...

http://www.match.com/magazine/article/9054/




The Breaking Point for Partners

"Most striking, divorces peaked most often during and around the fourth year of marriage. There were variations, of course. Americans tended to divorce between the second and third year of marriage. Interestingly, this corresponds with the normal duration of intense romantic love, 18 months to 3 years. And in a Harris poll conducted at Chemistry.com, the Internet dating site, 47% of respondents said they would depart an unhappy marriage after two years, unless they had a child. In America, partners bail out when the romance wears off.

Now, the data from the United Nations revealed other patterns. First, some stats for you: 39% of divorces occurred among couples with no dependent children; 26% occurred among those with one child; 19% occurred among couples with two children; and 7% of divorces occurred among couples with three children. In short, humans tend to divorce during and around the 4-year mark; at the height of our reproductive years; and often with a single child.


Hold hands, cuddle, and talk—that’s true intimacy."

It doesn't change for gay men, either, since most of us had heterosexual parents, so we can ignore the childbearing stats. Even in a book on gay relationships (I forget the title), two gay psychologists said the same thing: 3-4 years IF the relationship was primarily based on certain factors, sex being one of the first ones they mentioned.