In need of an ear

[pilate]

hi.. I'm going through a terrible breakup. 5 1/2 years. Is anybody here online willing to talk?

 

[silentalk]

We're all here. You can pour your heart out to us. I'm sure several JUB family members are willing to help.

 

[swerve]

Hi Pilate...

Without knowing any of the specifics...

Is there any way to just STOP the "break-up" -- get a grip on reality -- and re-think things???

I ask this from experience...

 

[Seasoned]

I'm always available for a pm. I'm sorry you're hurting.

 

[aaggii]

Same here! I know this sounds stupid, but force the laughter: make a feel good cd and dance away your feelings, no sad songs AT ALL (I recommend you the album Love supply by Oceana, she has this ¨you left me so fuck you¨ feel to it). Stupid comedies, go out, try to do everything you can to think as less as possible about what you´re going through. I know you don´t feel like doing this stuff, but it helps, believe me!

 

[pilate]

I don't know why I can't let go.. Its very difficult process

 

[Scealle]

So sorry to hear that If you need to talk or anything. Always there to listen

 

[silentalk]

I don't know why I can't let go.. Its very difficult process

Usually no one can let go of a relationship that lasted that long. Heartbreaks are very tough. The toll they take on people can be huge, and sometimes fatal (though I hope we'll have no fatal cases here on JUB). The difference between those who recover and those who don't is a strong desire not to drown, even when hope is lost and the desire seems weak.

What helped me in my case was distracting myself with games. Some distractions are more dangerous than others, like drinking and drugs. Don't go that way. I didn't enjoy the games, but playing them took my mind off things. Friends can be a good distraction, so can a hobby, work, exercise and spiritual activities (yoga, prayer...etc)

Embrace your sadness, let it all out, and keep hope alive. We're all here for you.

 

[Just_Believe18]

I went through a five year relationship myself and despite all the damage that was done, it was still a difficult breakup for me. For two weeks I was in a depression I had never experienced as I am normally an optimistic guy. All I wanted to do was sleep, and I had no appetite to eat anything. My ex had to force me to eat.

No matter how much pain you are going through right now, time heals all things. You will still carry scares, as any relationship is a life experience you always look back to. However, it will get better, and you will move on. In these moments, I am always reminded of Regina Spektor's "On the Radio" song. Take these lyrics to heart:

"This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again"

 

[Rolyo85]

I haven't been in such a long relationship but I'm still not over my ex a year later, though it was the cleanest possible break up. We become physically addicted (literally) to people we are in a long term relationship with, so it's never easy.