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In shock.

OMG I cannot believe the advice I have read in this thread! This board is going to hell in a handbasket!
MORALS, PEOPLE, MORALS!

Be a friend to Dan & tell him. It's the RIGHT thing to do, and deep down you know it.

REAL friends have each other's backs. They don't just sit by and say nothing!
 
ahotjock71 said:
OMG I cannot believe the advice I have read in this thread! This board is going to hell in a handbasket!
MORALS, PEOPLE, MORALS!

Be a friend to Dan & tell him. It's the RIGHT thing to do, and deep down you know it.

REAL friends have each other's backs. They don't just sit by and say nothing!
Click to expand...

Again, jock, how great it would be if in the real world friends could tell someone something like that, they'd believe it, confront their lover, and it would all work out.

But what would you do if you had loved someone for seven years and trusted them completely, and then your friend Adam told you he saw your lover making out with someone at a party? Not having sex, but making out. No proof, but just saw him at a party where other people were, but no one else will confirm?

Now, not to down Adam at all, but you as his friend know that he has on occasion gotten a little too drunk at parties himself, and he has been known to have sex with many of his gay friends (as Adam himself relates on another thread). Are you likely to believe him? When you confront your lover and he denies it, who will you believe? The friend, who the lover will most likely immediately try to discredit, or the one who you have invested seven years of your life with, and who you have now publicly heralded as practically a saint who would never cheat on you? In essence, if you believe Adam over your lover, then your recent proclamation of fidelity in public makes you look stupid and naive.

Adam didn't say he caught him having sex. Could Adam perhaps better serve as a friend to Dan by just keeping out a watchful eye in similar situations to see if it happens again? Maybe by blasting Kyle if he ever sees him doing it again--or perhaps pulling a few others into the room so that there are more witnesses?

Or maybe Adam might leave well enough alone, since he doesn't know if Kyle has actually had sex with someone behind Dan's back, and then just be there for Dan as a friend to lean on if Kyle ever does go the distance and destroy the relationship. :(
 
^ My main problem with these arguments are that everyone sems to be clouding the water with too many "what if's." How can you cloud judgement in such a way? It's clear what has been done, and what must be done to prevent further situations from arising.

Kyle aparently was never Adam's friend, or he wouldn't have threatened him like he did. So it doesn't matter if Kyle gets mad at Adam telling. There is a "seemingly" innocent party here, and that's Dan. What about his feelings? Sure, there may be some back story Adam does not know, but on the other hand there may not be. Friendship, and truth should come before all else. I feel Adam has a RESPONSIBILITY as a friend to Dan to tell him. If Dan doesn't believe it, or has issues with it, it is then for Dan & Adam to work out. But Adam would then be absolved of personal responsibility in the situation, he told Dan what he saw transpire, and did what was right. If Dan chooses not to believe it, it's not Adam's fault. If Adam and Dan are that good of friends, Dan may be miffed or confused at first, but in the end he will respect Adam ALOT more for caring about him in the long run.


As for the guy above who's partner cheated on him & his friend knew about it, and he found out later his friend knew & he loves him more for it....I'm sorry, but that's just plain retarded!

First, if your partner cheated, and you found out, and you stayed with him, you have ZERO self-respect. Let them get away with it the first time, don't be shocked when it happens again. If your partner TRULY loved & respected you, he would have kept his dick in his pants. A relationship is about personal responsibility!

Second, if your friend knew and didn't tell you, that is SHADY! I would watch my back around such a "friend," as there is NO telling what else this "friend" may know behind your back, or may be PARTICIPATING in behind your back.

I trust people who run their mouths alot more than I do the silent ones. It's the silent ones who are deadly.
 
Hey everyone,

I kind of feel the need to chime in here. Everyone has made good points, even the minority "tell him" crew.

To me, the decision boils down to what kind of person and friend one would want to be. And also, how would I want to be treated should something like this happen to me?

Bright side, you know what kind of person this Kyle is and can now maneuver appropriately around him.

Bottom line, to me a true friend tells the truth if it is in the best interest of the friend. Throw out all the what ifs and you still have a devastating blow to a friend. I really don't know what to advise other than do what you feel is best.

The inner workings of their relationship is none of your business, but a public display of affection is just that, public. Surely you weren't the only one with eyes at that party.

As for sticking it out with someone who cheats, you seem a little quick to judge ahotjock71! It is always more complicated than that. Just think about it.
 
I would tell for the same reason I told my friend when his gf was cheating on him, STDS. Cheaters don't care about thier partner's feelings or health but I sure do. If it means I'm butting in where I don't belong then so be it
 
Him kissing that guy at the party was probably a one time thing, not to mention, a long time ago. If this guy is a cheater, his boyfriend is going to find out eventually. People shouldn't get involved in other peoples relationships.
 
I've decided never to say anything.

I'm really stressed out with things going on in my own life right now, so I'm not about to deal with any unneeded stress that doesn't concern me. I don't know if it's the right thing to do or not, but for now I'm not saying a thing b/c I simply can't deal with it.

Thanks for all the replies.
 
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