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Increasingly lonely lately

S

slowshow

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Hey guys, so just to give you guys a quick summary, I'm nearly 21 and living in Sydney, and I've never had any sexual experiences nor have I ever had a relationship.

The issue is that I just don't have the right friends to meet new people. I have no close gay friends and the only ones I do don't really give me any time or chances to really get to know them and so I've just grown increasingly lonely and it's starting to become unbearable to the point where all I can think about is how alone I am.

I wish it was easy for me to just go on grindr and dating sites but I have pretty bad self esteem issues and I'm pretty shy so it's tough on me to put myself out there. To me, those sort of sites just feels too forceful for me. I'm just wondering if maybe there are forums where I can talk to people around my area, make friends and slowly get to know them.
 
There are great members here from "Down Under" , i am sure you will get some really good ideas thrown your way .
Also , if you want to make friends (and enemies) JUB is perfect . Good luck..........(*8*)
 
Hey I know exactly what you mean. My friend and I were stuck in a rut. I found it really hard to make gay friends. Where do you start? Do people go to clubs alone? Grindr where 99% of the users just want a piece of ass or cock? It's hard isn't it.

I was lucky enough to have met a friend through a friend and we made more friends - genuine, nice easy going, non-superficial kids (20-22 year olds) just wanting to have a good time. The four of us became sort of our own quad click. We go out to dinner, half the time we hit the clubs at Oxford St, to events, check out guys, hang at each other's places sometimes, 'normal stuff'.

I think you should get out there and continue doing stuff you like or hobbies. Meet new people and be open but not too open and surely you'll find other gay guys too. There are meet ups like 20/20 or something along that name but I can't remember exactly - I attended the meeting but I felt that group was like alcoholic anonymous and the people there, though nice and all just had a bit too much emotional baggage - and I was after friends who were a bit more comfortable with themselves. That's not to say my friends and I don't share stories of our past etc etc.

Anyhow long story short if you're one of those people who want to have a good time, nice, easy going, non-superficial, people hit me up. My friends and I are from Sydney too.
 
Glad you reached out via JUB. You have already received some great suggestions.

I wish something like JUB had been around when I was your age. There are some great guys here from Down Under... and this thread may result in some coming forward to say hello. What's so nice about this site is that you can find areas of common interest beyond our love of sex and porn. You need to broaden your circle of fiends.

Another good way to meet friends is through your interests and hobbies. Maybe there's a gay men's book club in your area. If not, you could start one. Movies, sports, gardening, travel... all seem to have social groups for participants. Start with a foundation of common interest... make friends, and then see if there might be some physical attraction or chemistry with some of the guys. Good luck!
 
You must never give up trying. There is a lot of interesting people around. Work on getting over your shyness, you are young and can accomplish many things. Get out and start your new life.
 
You've cracked open a door just by posting. I hope that you'll be able to one day look back and see how that had been the beginning of a big change. Good luck to you!
 
water90 said:
Hey I know exactly what you mean. My friend and I were stuck in a rut. I found it really hard to make gay friends. Where do you start? Do people go to clubs alone? Grindr where 99% of the users just want a piece of ass or cock? It's hard isn't it.

I was lucky enough to have met a friend through a friend and we made more friends - genuine, nice easy going, non-superficial kids (20-22 year olds) just wanting to have a good time. The four of us became sort of our own quad click. We go out to dinner, half the time we hit the clubs at Oxford St, to events, check out guys, hang at each other's places sometimes, 'normal stuff'.

I think you should get out there and continue doing stuff you like or hobbies. Meet new people and be open but not too open and surely you'll find other gay guys too. There are meet ups like 20/20 or something along that name but I can't remember exactly - I attended the meeting but I felt that group was like alcoholic anonymous and the people there, though nice and all just had a bit too much emotional baggage - and I was after friends who were a bit more comfortable with themselves. That's not to say my friends and I don't share stories of our past etc etc.

Anyhow long story short if you're one of those people who want to have a good time, nice, easy going, non-superficial, people hit me up. My friends and I are from Sydney too.
Click to expand...

yes that's exactly it! The few gay friends I have aren't really good friends at all and it really sucks. It feels like clubbing and grindr are just there for hook ups. I'm just not about that right now, but I think maybe I'm just really timid because I've still yet to have any sexual experiences. One of my gay friends suggested for us to go to some sort of ACON group thing for sexual awareness and similar things but I dunno how that's gonna work out or if my friend is even keen (he's the type who only talks to people when he's bored)

who knows though, at this point I'm just trying to take life slowly and just trying to stay positive that things will work out eventually. Maybe not in a week or a month or a year, but eventually it has to, right?

journo25 said:
Glad you reached out via JUB. You have already received some great suggestions.

I wish something like JUB had been around when I was your age. There are some great guys here from Down Under... and this thread may result in some coming forward to say hello. What's so nice about this site is that you can find areas of common interest beyond our love of sex and porn. You need to broaden your circle of fiends.

Another good way to meet friends is through your interests and hobbies. Maybe there's a gay men's book club in your area. If not, you could start one. Movies, sports, gardening, travel... all seem to have social groups for participants. Start with a foundation of common interest... make friends, and then see if there might be some physical attraction or chemistry with some of the guys. Good luck!
Click to expand...

yeah I've roamed around the social parts of this site a bit and to be honest, it seems kinda intense haha. Like, the meet up with people from your area forum, people seem to just want to hook up idk. :(

Maklaar13 said:
You must never give up trying. There is a lot of interesting people around. Work on getting over your shyness, you are young and can accomplish many things. Get out and start your new life.
Click to expand...

Seasoned said:
You've cracked open a door just by posting. I hope that you'll be able to one day look back and see how that had been the beginning of a big change. Good luck to you!
Click to expand...

medic1 said:
There are great members here from "Down Under" , i am sure you will get some really good ideas thrown your way .
Also , if you want to make friends (and enemies) JUB is perfect . Good luck..........(*8*)
Click to expand...

thank you (*8*)
 
Best way is live and work in the big cities. You're young and trying to find yourself; you'll get there. No harm going on grindr as long as you protect yourself. Any guy who tells you they're not in it for the sex is lying. The nice thing about gay guys is they're efficient. The typical first date ends up in sex. If you find a connection, you go on a second date, if not, you move on. You're not straight so get over the fact that you'll probably find your first love with a 50% chance on a hookup site (grindr, craigslist, a4a, etc.) than out in the open. There's nothing wrong with that. The majority of my friends found their bfs from hooking up at a gay bar or online. Welcome to the 21st century.
 
it's not about relationships for me at this stage. All I really want are friends and I just want to feel like I belong some place in this world.
 
Don't worry so much about being alone. If it's about relationships, they happen when you stop looking.

Don't let being gay be the thing that defines your entire being. Sure it's a big part but not everything. Find something you are good at, or something that makes you happy and do it. Whether it's a career, a hobby, a group of friends, a support group, or even just having conversations with strangers.

Sure i'm gay, but I'm also talkative, a musician, and i like helping people. All of those things are a part of who i am but they don't define me.

Try to do something. I help lead an LGBT group at my university. I feel that if i can help provide a good resource to help sort someone who's going through a struggle its worth it.

Things like that make you feel like you belong. Do stuff that's worth doing.
 
yeah I should actually pursue my interests more and be mroe independent I suppose haha. there's no shame trying new sports/hobbies at 20 is there?
 
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