inexperienced guy needs advice

[racer2438]

1st off I would stop talking of past relationships.. That's why they call them the past, you can't change it- it's done. It's kinda like comparing the ex's good/bad and that just does not sound like a good way to start a new friendship/date thing........

All you can do is look forward to what is ahead of you in life, and you do have control over some of them....


You just need to be who you are.... just be you . Honest, tell him your fairly new to this and you'd like to go slow and smooth. Some guy's really get into the more virgin-ish twinks/guys and it's a big turn on. keep it real, have your limits if you need and make sure he knows also, You can give stuttle hints about it and he is sure to know..., be comfortable in your self,

and since your not out, there's no rush-- your ready when you are ready and no one can change that.

 

[bankside]

But he's already found a halfway decent guy. It's not a hookup, we know that already (they didn't have sex the first time).

So my thinking is, it's just a matter of consummating what's already developing.

A 24 year old should be able to handle that. At this point, it's just sex. It's nothing to be feared.

I fear for guys who wait 5, 10 years for sex, thinking it'll be this perfect, transformative event. Memorable, yes. But worth waiting half a decade for?

Yes, it was worth the wait. I still wake up every morning next to the first guy I shared an orgasm with. I don't believe sex for fun is immoral. I don't believe I had some kind of duty to "protect" my virginity or anything like that. But it was nice to pick someone worth waking up to for the next 12 years instead of someone much more forgettable.

What do you mean you have your limits??

It's perfectly normal to be nervous about your first time, but you really seem...well, limiting.

Why not just see what happens? Just tell him you want to take it slow. He must know that, anyway, since you didn't have sex the first time.

Relax. It's only sex.

LOL. I've never had "just sex."

Briguy, remember the courage you have to open up to new experiences. I believe you when you say you're open to whatever happens, but you want to know there's more depth to it, more potential. Potential is different from guarantees though. You don't have to wait until you hear wedding bells to get physically close to this guy as long as you have the opportunity to grow alongside each other outside the bedroom too. Telling him up front that you're not looking for a hook-up is important. So far, so good.

Who could he be, if he's not who he says he is? There are guys who just want a hook-up, but most of them will take off when you say that's not what you're looking for. They don't want to waste their time or yours. There are a few guys who are only looking for a hook-up, and who don't care if you want that or not. Or maybe they even see it as a challenge to convince you that they're willing to go for a relationship so they can get laid before you figure it out.

But those guys are few in number. And you can give yourself a chance to figure it out. You can give the guy a chance to come to a common understanding. You can even let yourself be a little bit skeptical, as long as you don't actually become cynical. At some point, if you see enough there to build something together in life, there comes a time when you can relax a bit. Enjoy his horniness. Enjoy yours. And know that you can still build your relationship on a lot of other good things too.

 

[HunterM]

Hunter, you crack me up, man! I love the sense of humor in your posts.

...after years of intense therapies and shock treatments, I see they're paying off.
Thanks buddy!

 

[Lube]

So you think the guy who met him in person and who didn't pressure him for sex on the first date hasn't figured this out already?

Just wanted to give you guys an update--

I spoke with him last night about him coming, and basically told him what was suggested. He said that he figured and has no problem with taking it slow and that there is no pressure. Big relief!

Thanks again for the advice guys. He flies in on Saturday, I can't wait to see him.

Great! Just as I suspected.

LOL. I've never had "just sex."

My "it's just sex" comment seems to be quite popular for being taken out of context.

It was given in the context of a first-timer being afraid of sex with someone with whom he is currently developing a relationship. in that case, it's just the next, natural step. Nothing to be afraid of. The relationship doesn't have to be perfect in order to consummate it. You'll wait forever for that.


Glad things are working. From your very first post, it seems like your buddy is a decent guy.

 

[kguy3387]

You lucky ducky you! Have fun!

 

[Briguy005]

Hey guys,

Finally have a moment so I figured I'd update for those that asked.

We ended spending a lot of time together (more than we planned) and it was perfect. It couldn't have been a better trip. I was a little nervous beforehand. We talked constantly since we first met but I didn't know if it was going to be awkward at all in person. Thankfully it wasn't, we never ran out of anything to talk about. Also I felt really comfortable around him - from minute one. That's something I haven't really experienced before.

As I said, I talked to him before about wanting to take it slow and he was cool about it. He put the ball in my court. (And no, I didn't keep him waiting for those wondering)

Being able to sit next to him and hold his hand and sneak as many kisses as possible was awesome. We're 2500 miles apart, so we made sure to get our fill. The fact that he was eventually going to have to leave was in the back of my mind the entire time though, and we kept saying how we wished the circumstances were different. Still thankful for the time we got to spend together, it was the best Christmas present I could have asked for.

He's making another trip out for a long weekend in Feb. and I am heading out to see him for my spring break in March, so luckily we won't go too long without seeing each other. We didn't have any "talk" about our status, which I am kind of glad about, but I guess we are going to have to talk about it eventually. I do really like him and he's told me the same, so hopefully we can find a way to make it work!

 

[bankside]

Woohoo! I'm glad your time together went well

 

[HunterM]

Congrats! See...you do know what you're doing

 

[Lube]

Congrats! Seems it's going great!

 

[Briguy005]

Thanks guys

 

[Briguy005]

Wow, going back and reading this 7 years later is a real trip LOL

 

[KaraBulut]

Wow, going back and reading this 7 years later is a real trip LOL

Well, don't leave us hanging after all years later... what has happened in your life since then?

 

[Briguy005]

Sorry I don't check this out too often. If you're interested - here goes. Kind of a sad plot twist at the end, so be prepared. So I wrote this when I was in my first year of law school. Randomly started talking to this guy on Grindr one night while home for Thanksgiving break and we ended up meeting up for coffee and shared a kiss at the end. I was hooked. He was 39 and I was 23...what could go wrong? He was in the Navy and lived in San Diego, but was visiting his parents who live near mine. After our first visit together (described above), he came out to visit me again and I went out to see him in CA a couple times. It was one of those situations where I was definitely more into him then he was, and after my last visit out there he kind showed all the signs of waning interest. I don't think I handled it too well but I was young and in love (I thought LOL). Didn't want to handle the rejection so I blocked his number. With the advent of iMessage, he was able to get through to me months later with an "I miss talking to you" text. Whats a guy to do? My friend and I were going out to San Diego the week after so I met up with him we hooked up a few times. I was back in it, but he wasn't after that and his interest quickly waned again. Flash to a few freak-out texts and me blocking him again. He ends up with another (younger) guy and, begrudgingly, I move on with my life. A few (disastrous) relationships later and I'm now with a great guy. Last New Years, I'm visiting with the boyfriends family and I get a text from this guys number on my new number, guess he found it online somehow. He asks how I am "great", I said, "visiting my bf's family, how are you?" He preceded to tell me that he was not good, his boyfriend, the same younger guy, contracted HIV and passed away the previous month. While he was deployed, he must of cheated and contracted the virus and died from complications. Obviously, I felt very badly and was affected by it. Got me wondering how things could have been different had he "chosen me" but I quickly stopped myself from thinking that way. Can't say it does any good.