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insecure ex-boyfriend

imskool

imskool

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my exbf broke up with me about a month ago because he thought i was too goodlooking for him and was insecure about his own looks. he thought people were always looking at me and was afraid i would leave him for a better looking guy.
we still keep in touch and we're pretty close, even though things are a bit awkward between us.
i keep telling him that i think hes a good looking guy and that i really care for him.
i want us to get back together because i love being with him, but he insists that i deserve someone more attractive, no matter how many times i tell him i think he's hot and his looks arent ALL i care about.

what can I do to get him back. i know he needs to work on his own self-image issues but i like him ALOT and i want to help. i almost find this situation rediculous cuz, we have great times together. how could he end it and forget about it just because of stupid shit like this? :(

thx
 
^^^ i dont think he'd be open to it but good idea. i'll consider it
 
He's a saboteur. He broke up with you because he thought you'd someday break up with him. That's like throwing a valuable vase on the ground because you're scared you might drop it.

How do you get him back? You don't. He's pretty much told you that, in no uncertain terms. Unless he can overcome his insecurities, he's not going to be willing to take you back. You can encourage him to get some help with this, but until he feels like he's actually worthy of a good relationship, I doubt he'll actually be happy in one.

Lex
 
I hate to say it, but it seems that your ex has some very serious issues. Issues that will take a considerable amount of counseling to address. Until the issues have been resolved, he will never be able to have the type of relationship that would make both of you happy. Continue being his friend and try to encourage him to get some counseling. He's not boyfriend material right now.
 
Are you sure that's why he actually broke up with you? He could just be feeding you an excuse.
 
Why would you want this guy back - he's clearly an idiot. If you think you're not good looking and that your boyfriend is a babe, the smart thing to do is to enjoy it while it lasts. Only an idiot would cut short his time with a stud if he thought he could never get another guy that hot again.

All that aside, the dude has issues and I agree with Lex's vase metaphor. You need to say to him, "look, bf, you're being stupid. You're so afraid to lose me that you're losing me anyway. If you really care about me, then you need to trust me and trust that I wouldn't hurt you. And if you are that scared for no reason that you might lose me, then maybe you should talk to a professional about that."

But of course, you have to realize that if you get back into a situation like that, it's going to be difficult. This guy sounds high-maintenance. You also have to know that if you fight your way back into this relationship, you can NEVER stab this guy in the back or betray him or you'll be doing more damage than ever, and then you'll just be pure evil. Be careful with this guy - he sounds really (ridiculously even) fragile. And a bit self-destructive and self-defeatist.
 
You don't want to be in a relationship with someone who has little or no self-esteem.

There's two problems: The first, as you've discovered, is that they are perpetually jealous and insecure that you're cheating or they will lose you to someone else. The second is that they are incredibly needy and very much in the "Without you, I'm nothing" frame-of-mind.

If you want to be with this guy, there needs to be ground rules that require him to get counseling to work on his issues. If he's not willing to make a commitment to working on his self-esteem, there's no point in wasting your time on a relationship that will be a perpetual nightmare.
 
wow. harsh but true.
as much as i want us to get together, he's the one with the issues and he's the one who has to get better. not much i can do about it, i guess.
thanks for the advice guys. ^_^
 
then again some people will just always sabotage themselves.

if he really thought all of this in his mind, let him go because until he works out his issues with himself it's just going to keep recurring.
 
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