Insulted? Embarrassed? livid? how should I feel?

[gsdx]

Unfortunately, that is a sign of the times. I remember how upset I used to get when someone I was talking to on the phone had Call Waiting and 'put me on hold'. I can't even imagine what it must be like these days.

How should you feel? Precisely the way you do.

 

[TriBi]

My initial response would have been "Hey, it's 1am - you just woke me up!"

Turn over, go back to sleep - no problem...

 

[Lightsage]

In that situation, yeah, you should be pissed. I know to all hell I would.

Sure I've been around people that are texting other friends but they make it a point to pay attention to me as well.

Then after begging you to go over there he fucking couches you? Hell fuckin' no. Son of a bitch better hope that cellphone is under warranty.

I mean sure his friend got dumped... But you were there first, he wanted you there, and he totally disses you.

Oh! And when he apologizes and you confirm that he was being an ass while also ragging on yourself about being "boring," he has the gall to say you insulted him?!?! Uh-uh, hell no, any person with half a brain knows that company come FIRST. ALWAYS. Unless it's a real medical emergency or worse.

He fucking begged you to go over there after you told him you were damn tired and terrified of doing so. Be insulted, be livid, but stay reasonable.

Just my two cents.

 

[Lightsage]

But now that I've re-read HIS boorish texts to me in our heated exchange I realize now I shouldn't feel embarrased because HE was the uncouth boor with no sense of ettiquite.

"what was I supposed to do? entertain you at 3am?" he texts me in my response to how uncouth texting is on a date.

uhhhh YEAH! you're the one who begged me to come over and keep you company!

Kick the bastard in the balls!

Maybe it's just a pet peeve of mine but... just... Ugh!

Jackass...

Ahem... Lots of cussing in there...

 

[kevbo]

What a jackass.

And the fact that he has the unmitigated gall to try and turn it back on you warrants never talking to him again.

Just pretend he smokes

 

[Titanic]

You have every right to be annoyed, if some guy did this to me I'd have to hold myself back from ripping his head off! (figuratively, I guess). I'd certainly drop all contact with him afterwards though - what he's done definitely isn't the mark of a friend, or even someone I'd talk to out of empathy.

 

[Titanic]

I'm just trying to guage your relationship to him in my head. Is he a friend, or was that a first date?

If you'd been friends for a long time then I'd maybe let him off the hook with a brief rant, but if that meeting had any sort of romantic involvement, or if it was the first time you'd met - boy, heaven help that guy through the thousands of angry rejections he'll get in life!

 

[NedNickerson]

I've dropped several friends over similar situations, when they'd call and ask me to come visit them in town - which for me, would be about a 30-minute drive - and when I arrived, they'd be talking to some other friend on their cell phone from the minute I walked in, till the minute I left, while all I was could do was sit there on the couch like an idiot, mad at myself for falling for it again. I finally got mad at one guy and stood up said, loudly enough for whoever he was talking to hear, "Tell whoever you're talking to, to either hang up or for him to get his ass over here, so he can hold your hand while you talk to someone else on the phone. I'm getting the hell outta here!" and I did.

 

[Jayden]

I dont understand why you sat there and let him keep texting. I would have got up thanked him for the invite and left. He is a rude asshole.

 

[kevbo]

FINE! I'll make an exception to that rule for you.
;p

!!!

I wish you would have let me known a year ago!

 

[Lightsage]

Mhmm. Drop the jackass after making sure you get your helmet back.

And yeah, I would have left after five minutes of that crap.

 

[Elwood]

My god how can you even think it was you??? What a moron. Hope you get your helment back.

 

[braex27]

Everything you felt was justified. Extremely insulting, and inconsiderate of him. His friend in need, fine. If it was really important, apologise to you, drive you home, promise to make up for it and then attend to his issues.

Should NOT have left you there while he texted to console his pal. Unacceptable.

 

[Swellegant]

Oh, to be young again! I haven't seen the front end of 5 a.m. in over a decade. But aside from the skin and the metabolism, I don't think I could handle being young again, or even surrounded by young people. They're so baffling.

Anyway, the scenario you described sounds like a half-dozen scenarios I experienced in my early 20s. You go over to someone's place, on a bike or on foot or on the bus or some other inconvenient mode of transport, and once you get there he goes immediately to sleep, or starts talking on the phone ( we didn't have texting back then), or wants to watch some incomprehensible movie instead of having sex or even just talking to you, or gets into a fight with his roommate and completely forgets you're there. And then you have to go trudging back home in the wee hours because you just can't stay in a place where you're being treated like a houseplant.

I never took it too personally, though. The thing is, a lot of people are too self-involved to see that other people in the room are having feelings different from their own; they feel an impulse or concern and just automatically assume that you share it. They're not bad, they're just dumb, missing an essential part of the human education.

In your position, I wouldn't have gone over in the first place, even if he was promising mind-blowing sex instead of a movie and a snuggle...biking at night is dangerous. Sleep deprivation is even more dangerous.

But once there, I would have been gracious about leaving ("Look, I can see you've got something important on your mind, I'll get out of your way and we can do this some other time, OK?") and I would have left the minute the movie was over. By leaving in a huff, after sitting there so docilely for four hours, you put him on the defensive... and like most people on the defensive, he tried to find a way to make it your fault instead of his.

But having put him on the defensive, the next step is to guilt-trip him ("I'm sorry I got so huffy, but you really hurt my feelings when you ignored me all night; I know your friend needed you, but it hurt anyway")...see, he knows he's in the wrong, but he probably doesn't have a defense mechanism for admissions of pain, and it will make him learn something from what he did.

Anyway, just chalk it up to "experience" and don't let it bother you.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

I really hate to say this but it is a sign of the times, especially among the young. People lack the social skills and emotional intelligence that used to be considered standard. The cell phone and texting thing in particular is damn irritating to me. He's defintely a jackass and not worth wasting anymore time on. One of these days his is going to offend someone not as polite as you and I would love to be a fly on the wall for that cuss-out!

 

[bounder]

Thirteen miles on a bike to get ignored? You got played, plain and simple. You're probably not going to get much in the way of redemption. Try not to beat yourself up too much over it and move on. I don't see much point in focusing so much attention on a guy you met once. Life's too short.

 

[gaz1978]

I hate textathons. Why send 25 texts back and forth when a 2 minute call does the job better???

The guy should have had one big phone conversation, then said "right, I have a friend over, I'll speak to you tomorrow" and then hung up.

 

[fetaby]

Well I got some sleep so I'm much better now.

re: being there for his friend. I call bullshit. even if his friend broke up, that's still no reason to ignore the person you begged to come over. It wasn't an emergency.


I woke up to five texts from him

I'm not angry anymore but I'm still embarrased about myself for a multiplicity of things from the irrational to the logical. And the level of it is encroaching on what can only be described as mortification. That I sat there and took it even after clearly demonstrating to him that I was not enjoying myself and 'suggesting' he engage me. By the fact that my first appearence was such less than spectacular that he spent probably more time watching my backside riding away than he did my face my entire time there. The fact I didn't just get up after the first twenty minutes and graciously excuse myself like any sane person would have done.... just embarrassed

Yup, it is embarrassing and your probably more pissed at yourself than him for it. But consider this. Why did you stay so long when the situation wasn't moving toward the place you wanted it to go? Do you really like him? Or did you just need him to like you?
One thing I've noticed about communication through a screen, text or computer, it's unfiltered and has no context. Everything you ever knew about social interaction is thrown out the window. If that is your primary contact with this guy, you relate on a intimate level but haven't built up that interpersonal relationship to match the base of knowledge. When you do meet, you carry that knowledge, but it's often stilted and unbalanced. What you know about him is but a portion of him. The people he knows in real time and face to face don't have this. So you do have some insight where as they don't. It was weird the way he treated you, but he probably didn't even realize it at the time. He probable isn't the most socially graceful of the bunch to begin with, and was conflicted on how he should act.

If you stay true to yourself this can be avoided, what do you want from this guy anyway?

And what the hell do I know about it anyway?

 

[Fire]

Hope you get your helmet back :[

 

[Sunshine]

Wow, what a douche.

I would be pissy. Wasted all that good sleeping time....