Interacting with other men…

[notyoursnotmines]

Hello, everyone!

Lately I've been thinking about my life and there are some things that I'd like to change if at all possible and I would like you guys' help.

For as long as I can remember, I've never really had any close friends who are guys and as I have flowered into the gay man that I am today, I've noticed not only that I would like to change that, but also that the 'relationships' that I have with other men aren't possibly the healthiest.

I've been trying in earnest to make friends with other men, but somewhere along the way it turns sexual, very quickly. In part my fault, I'm aware of this. But on their behalf I think that they're mistaking my 'friendliness' (maybe I'm doing that wrong) for interest in them beyond friendship.

And even then, I can't even really see men now beyond a means to fulfill my sexual needs.

So my question is: how do I interact with other men without making things sexual? I want to be able to have close relationships with guys that don't involve sex. I don't believe that there's anything wrong with having sex, don't get me wrong, but I just want to have interactions that don't include that because without the sex, there's nothing else there but a vague friendship…

Sorry that this is all over the place. I don't even know how to articulate this thought that I'm having. If you guys have any questions, I'll answer them more than happily. I'm open to all comments, criticisms (constructive or not), and suggestions.

Thanks,

G

 

[mirlox]

Are you trying to get friends in a gay bar? Because that would explain all relationships evolving into sexual matters, lol

Well, the best way to meet people is to articulate your life; Go out with your girl friends and their social groups, get to meet their friends! Hopefully they don't only have gay men friends and you will get to meet some guys.

 

[Seasoned]

Follow your interests to join clubs or organizations.

 

[notyoursnotmines]

Welcome

Where in Northern California do you live?

SF Bay Area. You live around here?

Are you trying to get friends in a gay bar? Because that would explain all relationships evolving into sexual matters, lol

Well, the best way to meet people is to articulate your life; Go out with your girl friends and their social groups, get to meet their friends! Hopefully they don't only have gay men friends and you will get to meet some guys.

I've come to the conclusion that nothing good can come from bars/clubs. hahaha. I've been trying like in classes (still in college) and work and other places where my interests come into play, but those have been going sour… One guy from class who has a boyfriends tried to proposition me the other day. I always try to make it as clear as possible that I'm just looking for friendship but I don't know what's going on. Am I being too nice or just meeting the wrong people?

(And thanks for the prompt response, everyone!)

- - - Updated - - -

Welcome

Where in Northern California do you live?

SF Bay Area. You live around here?

Are you trying to get friends in a gay bar? Because that would explain all relationships evolving into sexual matters, lol

Well, the best way to meet people is to articulate your life; Go out with your girl friends and their social groups, get to meet their friends! Hopefully they don't only have gay men friends and you will get to meet some guys.

I've come to the conclusion that nothing good can come from bars/clubs. hahaha. I've been trying like in classes (still in college) and work and other places where my interests come into play, but those have been going sour… One guy from class who has a boyfriends tried to proposition me the other day. I always try to make it as clear as possible that I'm just looking for friendship but I don't know what's going on. Am I being too nice or just meeting the wrong people?

(And thanks for the prompt response, everyone!)

 

[aaggii]

Why don´t you try and make friends with men you´re not sexually attracted to? Or straight folks, since you know the limits with them.

 

[HunterM]

OK, we get it. You get hit on ALL THE TIME. You lucky bastard!

Why don´t you try and make friends with men you´re not sexually attracted to?

^What he is saying...meet and make friends with ugly people. That is your new mission in life.

 

[hylas]

Be friends with straight guys, they're really not so hard to find. Your female friends' (long-term) boyfriends, co-workers, colleagues at uni...

 

[aaggii]

^What he is saying...meet and make friends with ugly people. That is your new mission in life.

If you´re too stupid to understand something so simple, please stop commenting my responses here.

 

[HunterM]

^ Chill dude. Have a sense of humor.

 

[notyoursnotmines]

Be friends with straight guys, they're really not so hard to find. Your female friends' (long-term) boyfriends, co-workers, colleagues at uni...

Solid advice. I'm gonna give this a try.

If you´re too stupid to understand something so simple, please stop commenting my responses here.

Can we bring the anger down to a one 'cause I'm not here for that.

OK, we get it. You get hit on ALL THE TIME. You lucky bastard!



^What he is saying...meet and make friends with ugly people. That is your new mission in life.

I've had sex with even people to whom I'm not attracted. :/ Soooo....

^ Chill dude. Have a sense of humor.

Let's all just be happy and civil, please

 

[aaggii]

Can we bring the anger down to a one 'cause I'm not here for that.

I´ve never met someone as calm as myself. I see how my response could have been perceived as angry, but that´s not the case. However, I apologize for continuing the deviation the course of this topic.

 

[checkinthingsout]

If you are in college, join a Rec league--baseball, basketball, soccer, rugby, any sport. You will meet some guys. The majority of them wont be gay. hang out after the games and grab a beer/food...initiate this! talk about your life and be a good listener, exchange numbers. Throw a pregame and invite some of your single female friends(hopefully attractive) and your new male friends from the team, and some gay friends too. College is probably the easiest place to make friends...you shouldn't be having this much trouble if you just interact with people and connect and keep up communication.