Internet boyfriend

[Jeimuzu]

How am I supopsed to know that's not love?

Well, you're in exactly the same position that I was in July/August. I thought I was in love, but in a totally unrealistic position to know, and when I met up... it was fun enough, but it wasn't love.

Until then, it's just romance... at a distance.

How far is he away from you? Mine was around 150 miles, and when you can't drive that's too far, especially when I live with my parents and was struggling to find an excuse to go see him... eventually found a really good gig over there and said I was just staying a few extra days, with a friend. Which is true, they just don't know what I did with that friend while I was there.

Admittedly, I didn't feel physically sick when he wasn't online, but I was rather miserable, and ignoring most other people.

The dreaded 'L' word is one that everybody overuses in romance. Don't worry too much about it. I doubt I'll be in love for years, personally.

I'm glad I met up with him, since it's added a bit of confidence, and frankly he's a sweet person, but I think I've moved on. I'm in the market for a short distance boyfriend btw, so if anyone who's in my area is interested...

 

[Jeimuzu]

So what if it isn't love? How would that affect the relationship? I doubt I could just "take it back."

Either way, I'd still like to be in a relationship with him, he's a great guy, and it doesn't have good prospects finding a bf closer to home.

I don't blame you. I'm not saying stop. Have fun, it didn't do me any harm... although, of course, he could be an online predator - I was rather careful when I did it, having met him through a very odd source, and not one where you'd look for sex...

I know you'll be saying "Don't be stupid..." But it's still very possible. Just be careful, k? I was rather lucky that I came out of it ok, because a person with... malicious intent could well have taken advantage. Luckily, he was just the same as me, but a couple of years older.

What I'm saying is that it could well deteriorate. Happened to me... We don't talk anymore. *shrugs* I'm not saying you won't, but I'm just saying that your devotion *will* drop.

I don't think I have prospects at home either. *shrugs* I don't like it, but it's one of those things that tends to work themselves out eventually.

Don't even try to take back the feelings though. Go along with them, and enjoy yourself. If you lose interest, you lose interest. If you don't, then go with it. By sheer fluke, he could be your ideal life partner. The odds aren't lowered by distance, only your judgement is, because you have less to go on.

 

[jockboy01]

The advice here is good. I was there once (I almost forgot about it until reading your story). I didn't know how to find an in-person m4m relationship so I (like most young people I would guess) started at the internet. I still remember his name... Skip. Nice guy, we got along great, had great cybersex. He told me he'd be my bf even if it was only online. It was great. We never met, he one day just stopped signing on and closed his email account and never told me anything. It was all very confusing to me at the time (and it was pre-JUB days so there was nobody to talk to). But I learned a valuable lesson that continues to prove useful.... never go in with any expectations when you meet somebody online. It's bound to end in dissappointment if you do.

Anyway, I'd take a step back; keep him as a friend; and go find some cute gay guys in your area to actually date... it's much more fun in real life anyway even if you don't see that now.

 

[Jeimuzu]

Have fun, just don't expect to be moving in with him in six months time

Ruffboi actually made a very good point, that your mind constructs an image. Mine certainly did, anyways... And it was nothing like the guy, despite webcam. There was only enough similarity to the body that meant I could pick him out of the people who were hanging around the bus station waiting, and the personality... well, it was similar, but not quite the same.

 

[sixthson]

This is a joke, right?

 

[Jeimuzu]

Well, since I was saying 150 miles is too far, I think half the globe... Yeah...

 

[Gardenboy95]

When I was first introduce to the internet, I had a service that had several gay chat rooms. These guys would send an IM, even when I really were not participating in the chat. One like me, and I like him, and my emotions did get carried away. We sent e mails, electronic carrds etc, pictures and cybersex. and I could not beleive the effect it on me. It was short lived. But I learn not to allow my emotions get that envolved. I stuck to lust. Now with new service I am not expose to the public all that much. I think you will find others that will be just as interesting to fill your night hours.

 

[bayern20]

You are getting WAY too carried away over nothing.

Swap pics, get to know about each other (months and months)..eventually talk on the phone. THEN, and only then, get a little excited.

Right now, both of you are just imagining things that are not there (at least you anyways)

I dont think its a great idea in general, but if you have that, at least you have some basis.

 

[confusedboy23]

Nothing much to add but I'll just echo the advice already given here - you need to step back and tell yourself this IS NOT love! I'm sorry......

 

[RicanDAB]

Mikoangelo,

Man, this thread blew me away when I read in your first post "He's my boyfriend, and I love him ... We met over the internet a week or so ago, and we've been chatting a couple of times." I have been dating this one guy for about 2 months now - seeing each other about 2x a week in person - emailing every day - and we live 25 miles apart. Although things are going really well between us in all areas and I feel that we are developing feelings for each other slowly, I still don't feel compelled to call him my "boyfriend" yet [even though I am not dating anyone else] and I still don't know yet whether I "love" him [although I can see it getting there sometime and I do care for him very much].

I've done the long distance thing a few times and it's just not good. Too many variables to deal with and in the long run they fail - only a miniscule of them survive - and I don't know of any personally. I need to look into my man's eyes live and feel his touch and hear his voice (with an accent to boot! ... but I digress) and embrace him ... and etc etc. That's something the internet will never replace in a relationship!

My point here is that after one has dated and experienced relationships for a while, one learns that the words "boyfriend" and "love" should be very carefully used! Using them too early on is disastrous ... and I speak from experience!

Be careful not to get hurt Miko ... my best to you ....

 

[RicanDAB]

Hey Miko,

It was nice to read your post, and I am glad you guys have resolved this white elephant. It is clearly a mature way to have handled this and I believe you both are doing the right thing. Long distance is hard, very hard. Recognizing this and respecting the space that you both have will help. Only time will tell what transpires between the two of you ... and if it meant to be long-term, life and your plans will guide accordingly. Perhaps yours will be one of the miniscules that survive?

Again, good luck!