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Intersex/Good girl problems

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I was born 46XX. Despite my female appearance and internal (yet infertile) female organs, I have a small penis. Everyone thinks intersex people do not exist so when I tell them such they go batshit. I told my mother about this and the symptoms I went all through my entire life and she too went batshit saying I was lying.

And my family is pressuring me with dating, even trying to hook me up with strangers my age I never met. A lot of my cousins are married with kids and I guess they think I'm never getting married or what not. Honestly I chase guys away with my old fashioned dating preferences, that I think chivalry isn't dead and I believe sex is only for the wedding night. I guess I'm a bit boring, huh? I mean I can cook, clean, fix stuff, do laundry, pay bills, and I'm honest, communicative, quiet, patient, respective, and faithful in my relationships.
 
I can't put my actual medical information on here. I'm not THAT stupid. Nice try.
 
^ No, to prove that you are 46XX to your mother. She might take the word of a doctor, where she has trouble believing yours.
 
Here the thing...my doctor here is also my OB/GYN (since my doctor takes my insurance) and when I told them about my symptoms during my pelvic exam, they wouldn't even DIRECTLY answer and brushed it off as "Uh huh, okay." They wouldn't even actually look at my penis but they were just looking into my vagina during my pap smear and said sarcastically, "Oh it's a NORMAL LOOKING clit!" So yeah these doctors do NOT think intersex people exist. (Btw there's an article on a intersex site about these situations)
 
Two things come to mind that could give you some relief, a doctor who exhibits three qualities, knowledge, empathy and support, and an intersection support group even if it's online. It seems to me that you need more than knowledge and self-support even though that's essential. It's critical that you have medical and social affirmation of your reality. Once that's in play you can educate loved ones, but do realize that they may not be able to give you what you need. Best wishes!
 
Here the thing...my doctor here is also my OB/GYN (since my doctor takes my insurance) and when I told them about my symptoms during my pelvic exam, they wouldn't even DIRECTLY answer and brushed it off as "Uh huh, okay." They wouldn't even actually look at my penis but they were just looking into my vagina during my pap smear and said sarcastically, "Oh it's a NORMAL LOOKING clit!" So yeah these doctors do NOT think intersex people exist. (Btw there's an article on a intersex site about these situations)

I'd go with your doctors' advice. If you must, get a second opinion. You're most likely within normal clitoral size range. You also have virgin listed, so I have to ask, how many clits have you actually seen that aren't in porn?

Not incidentally, no one knows their chromosomes if they haven't been typed. You said you couldn't get your gyn to take your size question seriously and your mother ignores everything so how did you get referred for karyotyping with generic insurance? I ask because you're making not a much sense from what I'm familiar with and there's many reasons for infertility. I'm also curious when and how you managed that label because the reproductive aspect is such a pain in the ass most docs wait until late teens to politely suggest infertility issues. My unlucky ass got that at 'eleven or so. Which usually means either a lot of physical issues or physical pain. But again, your adults are insisting you're average to the point of sarcasm? Ime, they should be looking slightly guilty or panicky. Possibly resigned and usually confused/lost if they suck at dealing with medical issues of any kind. Sarcasm isn't generally on the table.

Look in our bodies/ourselves, I think they've updated the images for that.
 
^Because they saw my penis but they were making fun of me with the sarcasm while they were doing my pap smear. I live in a mixed political state where my county is ultra conservative and I highly doubt they were taught about intersex people in med school. I was really humiliated.
 
Ogood, I was getting worried there for a minute. Your medical vocabulary needs updating. 1st; you need to look around online. Your profile lists virgin. How many, ballpark figure now, how many clits outside of porn have you seen that you can say yours is too large? I mention it because a clit and a penis are the same organ. They actually are identical, roughly speaking, minus the often (though not always) larger hoods. The biggest difference is size. And there's a wide range of size that's considered normal. Without being rude, how large are you that you feel there's an issue? There's perfectly feminine, larger clits online if you google 'clitoral study'. I seem to remember someone actually did an art installation of the things to highlight common differences.

There's a couple of forums online that'll occasionally have discussions about genital discrepancy n'issues but nothing that centers it. And by all means, go up the chain of hospital command and explain you found the doctors behavior rude and unprofessional in a formal written complaint.

Now, your mother, by your description, doesn't seem to think anything is wrong and the doctor was sarcastic. People get sarcastic when they feel they're being put upon by an issue that doesn't exist. So, first thing, you should look up clitoris since you say you're a virgin, that way you find out what women look like outside of porn. So far we've no assertion that you know what normality looks like and mainstream porn often does a number on self esteem. Assuming you've at least seen porn, cuz otherwise you'd have nothing to compare your own bits to to decide they're too large. After all is said and done (and your virgin eyes have found pictures of real people), if that you don't look similar, then your parents could use a swift kick.

I think Harke said something about paperwork you can give your mother. If anything hospitals at least include a general, half-assed apology to go with the 'fuck your paperwork, we destroyed every last shred including those piddly hemangioma surgeries, you're lucky we said you were born here' slip o'paper.
 
The "virgin" thing is for how many posts on this site.

I'm not a virgin but I'm celibate. I was drugged and raped when I was 20 years old. I've only had two relationships my entire life and I'm demisexual-straight.

I've known my symptoms since I was a child up to now and I found baby pics of me in my baby tub with my genitals ambiguous. I know how my body works and what I see down there and yes I see a penis with a vagina. If you don't believe me then that's YOUR problem. I've been through enough with anti-LBGT people in my area including where I live and my mother not believing that I was born with what I was given. So WHAT if I never saw another woman's privates in real life? That's because I'm STRAIGHT.
 
You missed the point entirely.

You're straight. You've seen maybe, what, yourself and a couple of your friends, tops. You also seemed offended at seeing clits (really? The straight porn includes at least one - grow up, your future self with thank you.

Therefore you're unlikely to know the damned wide variation of what people look like. Thats why I mentioned porn viewing habits, if any.

You can go on and on about what you know, but the information you seem to be drawing from is kinda....washyat best, particularly including others non-reactions to you. And baby pictures. You know that female genitalia has a wide changing pattern throughout life, right? It's not supposed to look the same as your infant self or your 2yr old self ot your tween just-keep-aging-up. A bit of sarcasm at what the doctor considered a stupid question is what you've presented us with.

I said lodge a formal, written complaint if it bothers you that much. It's not as if you're the only one docs've been behaviorally lacking with, in my experience the profession encourages a kind of needed arrogance. Which is neither here nor there.

That was why I asked how large you were. Mind, a slightly larger size doesn't make ambiguous genitalia either. I can honestly say I've never, ever had someone go 'looks normal to me", sarcasticly during a questioning of the doctor or otherwise. Healthy, yes. But they're usually generally very careful to use normal in a particular way when dealing ambiguity, used as a description of averages.

So I'll repeat myself, now that you're aware you ain't supposed to look like a child and that the genitalia has a wide range anyway (I'd ask how many diapers you've changed but I suspect the point would still be lost.

Why do you think you're ambiguous? You say ambiguity but that describes nothing. I can tell you exactly how I'm ambiguous, so long as internal medicine stays out of the arena. (I was never that great at internal medicine. Always preferred studying skeletal and musculature for art). Anyway, Generally clit size is around a quarter of an inch to roughly two, although sometimes you'll find larger with no other ambiguities. Since a clit and a penis is roughly the same damned organ I'm doubtful you can recognize ambiguity. That means, aside from hood variation, that they look pretty damned similar.

Again. That's not counting the hood. A lot of women have large, even very large, hoods, which can make it look several inches long. Which makes it look like your clits sticking out (to be even clearer, some clits do stick out, that's also normal. Both labia have a range from 'non existent' to 'Damn!''. The hood (which is not the clitoris, just attached) more often than not makes your clit look much larger and causes such panic among you lot. Someone needs to start informing women they won't look the same ten, twenty years ago then they do now, school health classes suck.

In that vein, I'd encourage you to pull back the hood, Ms Seriously Offended at Seeing Clits (again, grow up) and measure with a cloth sewing tape from the base to the tip of the glans, (not the hood) and then slap it into google and watch how many people come up with your dimensions.

Or you can measure with a q-tip. You'll probably need a q-tip and a marker anyway if the issue is a large hood. Most of the larger hoods have smaller clits, shearly through statistics, I think, and I read somewhere that the q-tip should probably be damp otherwise you'll probably jab yourself. Past that I can't advise on measuring, as I have no hood and can't see for shit so someone else did.

I can damn near promise Google is your friend on this one, though. Go look at lots of women besides yourself and see how normal you are. There really is a wide, wide variation.

Unless you're at least two inches (current medicallese check mark - minus hood length. One goes up to three, which I thought a bit off (I'd say 2 1/2 tops) but depends on where their study was and the population in question, really). Also, if you do look up various papers on ambiguity and abnormality, I'd Ignore the 1.5 inch cutoff line in one of them, it's asinine in its shortness)

But, call me untrusting if you'd like, but some kinda actual acknowledgement by someone not online that you've nasty internal issues or had hormones or surgery or Jesus christ, anything but 'I dunno what humanity looks like 'down there', I'm straight! and I refuse to go looking so I think I'm odd' doesn't sit well with me. Get your reproductive health paperwork to bring your mother. You said you're infertile. Use that.

Someone on the internet going 'okay-then' is not actual acknowledgement of an issue. I'm pretty sure you already know this so I'm unclear why you have nothing but 'my doctor was sarcastic and my mother is obtuse' while expecting someone to pull a solution out of their ass for your believability to give to parents and medical professionals. So file a complaint form against the doctor. And I'm assuming your mother took the pictures so it isn't like she was unaware of your childhood form.

All that said, a large size doesn't mean intersex or even automatic ambiguity. I highly suggest signing up for therapy to work through self esteem and body issues though. And that rape history you mentioned isn't doing your brain any favors, make sure they're aware of that at intake as well, it matters.
 
You need to grow the fuck up, asshole. I'm not going to argue with someone who's denying what my entire life's intersex symptoms and throws it back in my face like the rest of them. You've NEVER seen my genitals and through the humiliation and bullying like I have so stop judging me and telling me my 2 in penis is a clit because it's not a clit! And before you judge me further...not only am I intersex but I'M GENDERFLUID. I wear dresses during my girl days and hide my breasts and pack during my boys days. Even though my clothes are unisex and I go by female pronouns, I accepted my intersex knowing I would be like this for the rest of my life. So keep bashing my intersex does not exist because there's many of us that been bashed by people like you. I'm not backing down.

Oh by the way...I only watch anime porn and read WWE porn. Sorry.
 
Go see a therapist. And seriously, look at images online. There's plenty of women (who aren't bodybuilders) with two inches. Cliche, but length ain't everything and it isn't that unusual.
 
You watch anime. I am so very not surprised. Any reason why you think the hairless, flat often pixel led out crotch in animation is a usual occurance of human variation?

If you were two inches the doctor would've said you were fine, though possibly on the large side. Because large doesn't automatically mean ambiguous. Jesus wept. Tho after that anime revelation and, apparently, the lack of any other human viewing whatsoever I'm under no illusions you have much to measure.

So what was your original question? How do I prove ambiguity to parents, who've already seen me naked, and doctors, who have also already seen me naked and still disagree?

For you, paperwork or nothing. Best of luck and please go to a therapist.
 
I'm surprised that someone would come here to a no-flame zone and get this kind of reception and denial of an intersex identity, especially when the person claims to base their identity, in part, on established medical differences.
 
I'm surprised that someone would come here to a no-flame zone and get this kind of reception and denial of an intersex identity, especially when the person claims to base their identity, in part, on established medical differences.

Yeah seems like she came here seeking acceptance and understanding and all she got was more of the same. What a shame. I on the other hand have no knowledge or experience with this condition but am interested and would like to know more. I certainly don't feel the need to criticize her and claim I know more about her body than she does. I am sorry you got such an insensitive welcome.
 
I don't think Lucky was trying to be dismissive or judgmental.
 
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