Is being shallow all that bad?

[evil_danger]

Being shallow is all part of being human, but so long as you understand that you cant (for the most part) judge people on their looks then you'll be fine.

There has to be a level of physical attraction with a partner, but going for looks shouldn't be your main drive. The 'average joe' isn't always average on the inside.

 

[silversmith1213]

You're gay. You'll fit right in with the so-called "shallow" people. In our community most of the time looks come first and it's not different for you. So you may as well not feel bad. Will you end up alone? Well, if you think you're better looking than you actually are and expect to have whatever guy attracts you most in your arms whenever you wish then yes you are very, very likely to end up a lonely gay man who might get a few frivolous fucks here and there. But if you're not an "average joe" yourself and find someone who is on par with your looks then I suppose you may get lucky and find yourself in a life long gay relationship.

The best I can tell you is that if you're shallow about a guy's looks then only expect shallow relationships to come your way. Those hotties we all want rarely show any interest in average joes and when they do it's only until they find someone they feel is as attractive as they are. Then they'll leave you out in the cold. It's like a competition of shallowness and the hotter guy will always win. So just make sure you are actually as attractive as you think you are before you try being too shallow.

Sorry but I really feel the need to argue with this post. Saying that he "fits in with the crowd" and "not to feel bad about it" are completely the wrong type of advice to be giving in my opinion. He's already proven that he is looking for something deeper than physical appearance in a man and should not be calling himself shallow at all. Horny and full of hormones does not equal shallow. Everyone is/was at sometime in their lives. Besides, I also find it very presumptuous to say that if he is average and wants a hunkier man than himself that he will end up lonely. First of all, we don't know what he looks like and shouldn't be judging anyway. Second, stereotyping all good looking men as shallow jerks is not only a depressing thought, but also pretty bitter. Good looking men are just as capable of emotion and love as your less than average joe. Who's to say that torrentluver isn't exactly the kind of guy some dude with the body of a greek god is looking for?

This is just my opinion and I don't want you to take it personally, but I find your post to be a bit depressing

Well I have another question. Im not sure if this has relevance either but here goes. So we have already established Im shallow when it comes to finding guys that have hot boddies. But the thing is I am always hanging out with the "jock" crowd, and whenever I go to new places I always become friends with the hotter clique. So if I am able to be hangin out with crowds like that, wouldnt it make sense that I should be good lookin enough to get someone from that sorta crowd?
(by the way, I also know that I am a bit conceited at times, what a great mix of personality huh?)

Ok, your turn haha. First of all, quit calling yourself shallow. Keep at it and I'll call Circe to teach you a lesson.

As far as who you hang out with, that doesn't tell us what you look like. You could look like a caveman or like the hottest piece of meat on the beach and we wouldn't know. We don't know your friends and the kind of people they hang out with, nor if they even care about physical appearance as part of being "accepted". I for one have friends who are very very fine, as well as plenty who are... er... not. This said, I'm sure you're a great looking guy and I'm not saying this to deny your thoughts on your own appearance, just that we haven't met you in person and we simply can't say. I think it's perfectly normal to have some idea of where your own physical appearance stands, and we shouldn't argue with that.

 

[Sunshine]

Evil_Danger said it best I think. Here's my advice.... stop acting like a fucking diva.

 

[Sevos-CT]

If we weren't shallow on at least some level, we wouldn't be gay. Physical properties matter. They just don't have to be all that matters.

 

[socalistud3]

i am a little shallow and yes i would have to say its a bad thing to have...although one thing i have noticed i that you don't want to be with the "average joe" well guess what...not everyones average joe is the same...i know there is this guy Presten that i was head over heels for and i thought he was the hottest thing to walk the earth since Ceaser..all my friends didn't agree..so you just need to find your type of guy that isn't so "average"

 

[chimere]

If we weren't shallow on at least some level, we wouldn't be gay. Physical properties matter. They just don't have to be all that matters.

This man speaks the truth.

Degree matters, too. There's nothing wrong with saying "I prefer fit guys", but to expect that all your dates have washboard abs otherwise you won't date them is shallow. And will probably keep you single. It's about learning to compromise, seeing the best things in a person, and not being a typical judgmental faggot.

And sure you can be shallow and only prefer beautiful people if you're some kind of male model, but if you think somehow that you can justify your shallowness without looking at the mirror, you're misguided and living in some non-existant fantasy.

 

[drhladnjak]

not everyones average joe is the same

This is one of the most important pieces of text posted on this entire thread. Attractiveness is not governed by a universal scale. Everybody has their own ideas of what's attractive, including the guys you're lusting after.

 

[tallguy297]

If we weren't shallow on at least some level, we wouldn't be gay. Physical properties matter. They just don't have to be all that matters.

Dont be too quick to judge yourself guys. Being shallow is far from the sole domain of the gay man. And its no more a prerequisite to being gay than it is straight. We are all capable of being shallow... and to a certain degree thats no bad thing.

Excessive shallowness however is a recipe for loneliness and heartache... it will simply send you on a life long search for the unattainable.

Torrent, as I read through your thread, especially the part about hanging out with the other better than average guys, I cant help notice that you miss the most important part. The CRITICAL part of that equation. The only real reason that you get to hang out with those guys.

They like you.

Looks are fleeting... they are simply the wrapping. You wouldn't eat a chocolate bar that had liver in it no matter how good the wrapper looked would you? In the same way you wouldn't consider making a guy with a hot body and looks your boyfriend if he was an arsehole.

By all means mate look to your hearts content, yearn for the guy that fits all your needs. But remember that like your friends who value and respect you for who you are AS WELL as how you look, dont rule out meeting the love of your life because you didnt look twice. Dig a little deeper and see the layers that really make a person... I'm sure that you'll surprise yourself as to who you fall for because I'm not sure you are shallow at all.

 

[Circe Infuria]

Ok, your turn haha. First of all, quit calling yourself shallow. Keep at it and I'll call Circe to teach you a lesson.

You rang?

Don't worry, boys...there's plenty of pain to go around.

*ahem*

I now return you to your regularly scheduled JUBbing. Carry on.

 

[ZonerTC]

Its fine, as long as you aren't mean about it. When you become mean, or treat people who you don't find attractive (who approach you) in a rude way... then we'll have a problem.

Be shallow But be nice about it.