Is being too honest not healthy?

[yourally]

I've always been a very honest person, not that I can't lie, but I guess I've been through enough to not want to keep people guessing.

Like in my other thread, I told the guy that I wanted to get to know him because he made me feel comfortable and welcome. Is stuff like that creepy? Should I keep it to myself? Everybody older than me loves me and my honesty, but people my age find it strange. Like I tell my boss I was late to work, because I overslept and missed the boss, etc. I tell chicks I don't know that they're pretty and smile at them,etc.

Like I told a female friend that I was a virgin and she couldn't believe a guy would say that about himself? Why should I lie? I guess what I want to ask is maybe that's why I've only made one friend in college and I'm going to graduate next year and have nobody to hangout with.

Thoughts? I couldn't see myself in a relationship because I'd be open about my feelings, what bothers me, etc and people always seem to hold back.

I know I sound like a total geek looking for praise, but I'm not. People find my honesty shocking and it amuses them/pushes them away. I don't want to go back to being the silent kid anymore. I have so much to freaking offer.

 

[yourally]

More examples of what I'm getting at is, I was into this guy last semester and got his number. I texted him maybe once a week and he would respond right away, but then I wouldn't hear from him. Like:
"Hey, wanna hang out later?"
"Okay"
"How about 6pm?"
-No answer.

He did this a lot, so I straight out asked him if I was bothering him and if he didn't want to hang out.

Plain and simple. Right? Why wonder?

 

[hotatlboi]

Honestly is good, but it has to come in stages. Someone you just met might not be as comfortable being as completely frank as you about everything. As you get to know the person better, hopefully they open up more. If things ever get serious, that's when honesty really counts the most.

I do happen to like honesty a lot. I'm sure there are other guys that do to. Some people are just going to be more guarded at first though.

 

[rareboy]

There's a difference between being honest and just not having any filters.

One is refreshing, the other screams dysfunctional.

 

[thisisinteresting]

I think blunt honesty is a beautiful thing. A lot of people in Washington seem to be very nonconfrontational, passive-aggressive, and can't deal with issues in general. I find people who are comfortable being honest to be awesome. Don't change. If people can't handle the truth, then forget about 'em. The truth is where it's at.

 

[orryyon]

I find TOTAL honesty refreshing also but as mentioned before it can be deemed as somewhat questionable in a new relationship of any kind. Although you may think so , its not necissary to tell ALL of your business. A little mystery is intriguing, complete open books are not such much as long as no one is getting hurt. In terms of the guy you necessary maybe he wasn't ready to take it to that level yet. This could also be a good thing because at least you know where he stands . Or perhaps he is just busy who knows . There are plenty of fish in the sea so don't get hung up on just one. Good luck!

 

[Corny]

Only when dealing with Americans

 

[Audio Tech]

I'm the same way. I say exactly what's on my mind. It didn't make me popular at work. People sneak around, smile at you, and drive the knife into your back at the same time. I do not understand why we have to be this way. If something bothers me, I just say it.

Probably also why I'm still alone. I'm honest, not popular.

But I want people to like ME, not some persona I pretend to be.

 

[TX-Beau]

Human nature, most of the time it's not what you're saying, it's how you're saying it.

There's a lot more to communication than just words. I'm pretty blunt, but there are several different kinds of ways of being blunt.

That said, I do prefer to operate as openly as possible, but I also know that some people are going to find that intimidating, or less than polite (especially in the south) and that's going to color their reactions.

If I come across - even unintentionally as confrontational, which is a problem I have, people react to that, and don't really listen to what I'm saying. So I have to be careful that I'm not communicating one thing with what I'm saying, and something else with how it's coming out.

But just from what you're saying, and in the other thread, I suspect that what's going on is that you're communicating your possible attraction on some level and that's what the problem is. Guys and girls react very differently to a guy being possibly interested in them.

 

[AngelFromAbove]

I'm the same way. I say exactly what's on my mind. It didn't make me popular at work. People sneak around, smile at you, and drive the knife into your back at the same time. I do not understand why we have to be this way. If something bothers me, I just say it.

Probably also why I'm still alone. I'm honest, not popular.

But I want people to like ME, not some persona I pretend to be.

Fake somebody vs. Real Nobody. If you believe that cliche, that is.

 

[TX-Beau]

Fake somebody vs. Real Nobody. If you believe that cliche, that is.

Depends on what you mean by fake. Some people are just shallow an materialistic, that's just who they are, it's not fake.

Some guys lie, or try to be some kind of testosterone stereotype. That's pretty much who they are. Though you'd hope they'll grow out of it.

People from where I grew up have a cultural thing about being polite - whether or not you like the person, that's not fake either.

People are pretty much just people, they come in all kinds of personalities. I think, that for me, I'm really only going to focus my time on people who aren't going to freak out about my personality. That's who my friends are, and while I try not to intentionally insult people, I'm pretty much not going to worry overmuch about the rest.

 

[yourally]

Thanks so much for all of the advice. I have 3 exams next week, so I have to study. I'll make this quick...basically,I think people in my age group are used to playing games and the whole "thrill of the chase",but when I come along being transparent, it's different-and people don't like different.

I was looking over my text messages and facebook and realized people always come to me about problems,because I won't BS them or tell them what they want to hear, but yet won't be harsh douchebag about it either.

So if anyone doesn't like me, they can shove it-the few people that like me, are enough. Rather have a few real friends, then be fake and popular. And I'm not popular, but people like me, I'm apparently funny and friendly, but too blunt for the taste. Meh. Thanks again

 

[Centexfarmer]

Thanks so much for all of the advice. I have 3 exams next week, so I have to study. I'll make this quick...basically,I think people in my age group are used to playing games and the whole "thrill of the chase",but when I come along being transparent, it's different-and people don't like different.

I was looking over my text messages and facebook and realized people always come to me about problems,because I won't BS them or tell them what they want to hear, but yet won't be harsh douchebag about it either.

So if anyone doesn't like me, they can shove it-the few people that like me, are enough. Rather have a few real friends, then be fake and popular. And I'm not popular, but people like me, I'm apparently funny and friendly, but too blunt for the taste. Meh. Thanks again

Your posts here in this thread resonate with me.

I've developed the reputation, amongst my friends, over the years that if you don't want to know the truth then don't ask me.

But when I'm feeling a little insecure I ask them, and I get what I call "the shit."

"You shouldn't have said this..."

"You shouldn't have done that..."

"I think that your problem is..."

I usually find myself blindsided to hell, because if they were my friends either they would have been as upfront with me as I've always been with them, or as more often than naught they turned out to never really be my friends in the first place.

allyigator, from this moment forward in your life you're going to have to take control of this situation, and define the "boundaries and parameters" of your relationships with these "friends."

This is just who you are.

Some of the best advice that I ever got was this, "Think 10X, and then speak once."

While you're thinking, weigh out the impact of what you really want to say with how it will be perceived in the present.

If what you really want to say has the potential to create more "drama" than you're willing deal with in the present, then say nothing.

If you want to force the issue, and set the boundaries and parameters for yourself in any given situation, then speak your mind.

Be yourself.

It won't take you long to figure out who your "fair-weather" friends are and who you should be spending your time with, between those who really just want to hear what they want to hear, and therefore making it all about them.

If I'm reading correctly what you've shared, you sound like a very unpretentious person.

In my experience being gay and unpretentious is an oxymoron.

So rather than being "silent" as you put it, develop the skills of knowing when to speak, and when to just listen.

Listening will tell you more about that person, than any opinion that you might "develop" about them based upon whatever immediate observation that you feel your being "open/transparent" needs to share at the moment.

When I feel "rejected" by someone that I really like, or would really like to be or remain friends with, because I was just being myself, and they shun me for that, they're not my friend.

And better to find out now then several years down the road when I find myself really invested in our relationship together.

 

[Audio Tech]

So if anyone doesn't like me, they can shove it-the few people that like me, are enough. Rather have a few real friends, then be fake and popular. And I'm not popular, but people like me, I'm apparently funny and friendly, but too blunt for the taste. Meh. Thanks again

Ya know what? I have TWO REAL true friends. TRUE friends are gold, and very rare.
Be yourself, and value those that love you for that.