Is he flirting with me...?

[whatmynamesays]

Dear JUB community,
I call on you once more for help for I feel like I'm more at a loss than any other time.
But first let me wish all of you a happy new year!
But now let's get to the subject. For the past month I've occasioanally been meeting a guy that I've started to like tremendously. Problem is I don't know if he's gay. My instinct tell me he is and that he's flirting with me and trying to figure out if I'm gay too. The first time we met we kept a lot of eye contact and would smile a lot to one another before he approached me and commented on how much he liked my jacket. We talked a little more but that was it for that night. Next time we met he was a little shier so I acted flirtier. He was djing at a small bar and we went there with my best friend I told him how much I liked his clothes that day too commented on how good the music he was playing was etc. He seemed to be enjoying the interaction we laughed a lot and had a great time. Along comes last Sunday then. We were at some other bar hangin' out and chatting. We were both enjoying the conversation but then we drifted apart. Next thing I know I see him with a girl and my best friend tells me she's seen them together before. The matter is that although he would kiss his girlfriend he would then just come and dance with me or chat with me. He kept talking to me and telling me he didn't like seeing me being alone (At some point most of my friends had left and I was sitting alone by the bar) . He would rub my arm too or sometimes lean on my shoulder. The biggest hint came a little before he left. He walked up to me and hugged me and told me he felt so lucky for having met me.
So yeah that's it. Sounds like a pretty big mess and I can't figure it out. What do you guys think? How would you react? I've tried to come across as very acceptive and gracious of all our conversations whether they're just attempts at striking a friendship or flirting.
So yeah i just don't know. What bothers me the most (Beside the existence of his girlfriend but that just means he could be bisexual or that he hasn't figured his sexuality out yet) is the fact tha most of the time we hang out together we get a little too drunk or sometimes we are high on drugs too and maybe he over-acts. Although he has never seemed to have regretted anything he's said to me. Every time we meet he seems geniously excited to be seeing me again. But that once more could be just my imagination.
What do you guys think?

 

[TX-Beau]

No one in here has any clue if he's flirting with you, nope not one tiny, itty bitty, minuscule clue.

If he doesn't know you are gay where do you think this is going to go? You want to know if he's gay AND interested you might start with making sure he knows YOU are gay AND interested, all the rest is pointless speculation from people who have no idea about any of it.

 

[KaraBulut]

"No, you show me your cards first"

Once he knows you are gay, then you have the right to ask if he's flirting with you. Until then, you're just waiting until one of you shows their cards.

 

[Seasoned]

Come out to him unless the cat and mouse game is what you like about this relationship.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi whatmynamesays ,

I tend to think that your friend is very well aware that you don't have a girlfriend, that you seem to have not much interests in girls (etc., including former girlfriends). So I tend to think that this guy might well already be aware that you are a gay guy. Anyway, do like others have suggested and make clear / obvious to him that you are a gay guy. You can tell this to him, you can also start stroking his leg (or something like that) during one of your next meetings and tell at the same moment that he is very sweet guy (aka something like that).

So there is your best friend and there are other friends with whom you are visiting these places. Are you totally closeted which implies that you hide to all of them that you are gay? Or, alternatively, is your best friend and are several of your other friends aware that you are a gay guy and have you told them that it is not forbidden for them to tell to others that you are gay? I tend to think that such a situation implies that you more or less take it for granted that lots of people around you, so including this sweet guy, are aware that you are gay. It is of course always polite to tell the sweet guy that you assume that he is aware that you are gay (etc.).

 

[offthewall14420]

What if a supposedly straight/bi friend txts 'You can do it put your back into it!'.... Ice Cube... which my first response would usually have been 'You can do it put your ass into it!'. Then cites it as 'motivational speech in the form of song lyrics'. Mentioning trips to gay bars, talks about walking around nude, ect. He knows I'm gay and he's had LTR w/ women only.

Is that flirting or closet queen?

 

[TX-Beau]

What if a supposedly straight/bi friend txts 'You can do it put your back into it!'.... Ice Cube... which my first response would usually have been 'You can do it put your ass into it!'. Then cites it as 'motivational speech in the form of song lyrics'. Mentioning trips to gay bars, talks about walking around nude, ect. He knows I'm gay and he's had LTR w/ women only.

Is that flirting or closet queen?

Back in college one of my friends was stripping his way through school (who knew this actually happened), he liked attention, he liked those gay dollars, he was also an exhibitionist, and he liked to grind all over me at parties. Of course I was completely offended - yeah right, the fucker was hot. He even kissed me once, but he never ever ever gave it up, not once, no matter how drunk we got.