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is he gay?

L

lakid594

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So I have a friend that i've known since around 7th grade (we're seniors now). We've been more like acquaintances until the beginning of this school year when we started hanging out more & got closer.

Over the past 4 months, I've realized that I'm starting to like him as more than a friend and its been killing me because I have no clue about where to even start. He doesn't know I'm gay, and I'm totally unsure of his sexuality.

He has had one girlfriend in all of high school (and has only claimed to like the girl in situations where it was all guys talking about girls they like), but it was really short lived (like 2 weeks), always really awkward between them, and afterwards the girl involved said that there wasn't any chemistry at all.

basically, he's a really nice person, there isn't much evidence to suggest he is gay, straight, or bi (or i have a terrible gaydar) and i could really use some help. any suggestions about how to go about finding this out? i've thought about telling him im gay to see his reaction but i haven't had the courage to do that so far.
 
Since this guy has not made any indication to you about his sexuality, he apparently likes you as just a friend in a platonic way. Continue to be his platonic friend and enjoy hanging out with him.
 
Only he knows if he's gay. Well, and maybe his hairdresser.

If this is something you wish to pursue, I would come out to him. Keep your feeling to yourself for a bit.
 
Do you have any idea how he feels about gays in general? It maybe worth bringing it up without coming out - talking about a gay celebrity, or something.

Speaking from personal experience, be careful. This isn't worth losing your friendship over.
 
Assuming that you're 18 and you're about to graduate, the situation will probably be resolved in a couple of weeks after graduation.

You can come out to him if you're ready but don't expect him to open up to you unless you're willing to open up to him.
 
I wouldn't assume he's gay based on his past relationship. If you trust him and you feel comfortable, tell him your gay. This is tell if he is your real friend or not.
 
God, this is such a tricky thing, I reckon. Speaking from personal experience, at this age, if he is not out and he is gay, even if you ask him directly if he is gay, he is most likely to say no he isn't.

And then if you try and start a conversation about being gay or gay people, and he is not out and he is gay, he could still be negative or non-plussed regarding the subject, despite the fact he is gay. Because he may be scared that you may tell your mutual friends about his thoughts.

And then if you tell him you are gay, his initial reaction might be a kneejerk negative one, even if he is secretly gay himself. On the other hand, he may be perfectly ok with it, even if he is straight. Sometimes the most negative reactions come from guys who are secretly gay ... something along the lines of 'he doth protest too much'.

In short, from my perspective, I wouldn't know what to do for the best either Lakid.
 
An incident that happened to me which I'll never forget, when I was just a little bit older than you :

I was at work, where nobody knew I was gay. Me and a male co-worker, who was ok looking and who I wouldn't have said no to, waiting in the lobby for the elevator.

My co-worker says ... 'Hey justaguy, I think (insert 3rd male co-workers name) might fancy you. You should ask him out on a date.' Then he looks at me and laughs.

I laugh in response. And make a comment about gay people which I'm not proud of, which I said because I thought I was playing along with the joke and thought it was what co-worker wanted to hear, which I realise now is never a good thing to do, but was the reality of that space in time.

A little while later I found that the guy I was with in the lobby was actually gay. It became obvious that he was putting his gaydar to good use and checking out my reactions ... testing me out via this conversation, to see if I might be gay. ](*,)

It's such a tricky thing, I reckon. Sometimes I think it's best just to be upfront from the start. It depends on whether you are prepared for the slight possibility you may lose your friendship. It's so hard to tell from this distance, not knowing the personality of your friend.
 
You have known him since childhood, I am sure he has made some personal observations about you, may be when the mood is right you can open up a bit more to him and see where it goes....
 
It's best to be self disclosing rather than resorting to trickery to learn of someone else's orientation. When my kids were young one of my rules was, "talk about your own self."
 
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