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Is he interested or not?

M

mcbg22

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There is this guy from Grindr I used to talk to years ago and we kinda lost touch for a while. Last week, he messaged me out of the blue and said I was 'cute as a button'. Turns out he had moved to Holland for a while but he's now back in town. We started talking again and I asked him out for coffee. He agreed but said right now he wasn't looking for dates, just friends because he wants to focus on his job search (trying to find a teaching job).

We met up last night and we had a good time but he asked me a few things that make me wonder if he just wants to be friends or more: he asked if I ever wanted to have children, if I was a top or bottom, what my type of guy was, etc. Overall he was very nice. When I told him I was going to Tokyo soon, he said he had lived there and spent like 15 minutes drawing me a very detailed map of what I should see on a piece of paper.

At the end, I told him I was taking the bus home and he insisted on driving me instead. He gave me a hug and wished me a good trip (I'm going to Asia for a month in 2 weeks). Didn't say anything about seeing me again but he said he would send me his email so I could write him during my trip.

I am obviously over analyzing but I'm curious to hear what you guys think. Is he just interested in me as a friend or maybe more?
 
I don't know why people say they're not looking to date, just friends, and THEN proceed to ask you if you're a top or a bottom and what type of guy YOU'RE looking for, even though they said they're not looking.

He sounds like he doesn't know what he wants, so do you really want to dive into something with him if it's just gonna wind up as a fuck? All the other stuff sounds nice, but he's already off to a lofty start.
 
MoufOfKhaos said:
I don't know why people say they're not looking to date, just friends, and THEN proceed to ask you if you're a top or a bottom and what type of guy YOU'RE looking for, even though they said they're not looking.

He sounds like he doesn't know what he wants, so do you really want to dive into something with him if it's just gonna wind up as a fuck? All the other stuff sounds nice, but he's already off to a lofty start.
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Yeah, it's pretty weird. I wouldn't ask someone all those questions if I just wanted to be friends. He also told me he wasn't into hook ups so I dunno if he wants just sex. Anyway, I'll be out of the country all of September so maybe he'll have figured out what he wants by the time I come back lol.
 
Maybe. If he sends the email, go from there. If he doesn't, don't worry about it - take the map and explore Tokyo. And bring me back a couple robot dogs that transform into battle mechs. Because I suggested it first. :lol:
 
MoufOfKhaos said:
Maybe. If he sends the email, go from there. If he doesn't, don't worry about it - take the map and explore Tokyo. And bring me back a couple robot dogs that transform into battle mechs. Because I suggested it first. :lol:
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Haha noted! He sent me his email last night actually. He mentioned he was going to this drag show that I'm also going to tonight so maybe I'll run into him.
 
What's the harm in cutting to the chase in your next email, asking him what he is looking for and saying that you find him appealing but hard to figure out.
 
Just ask him openly if he is looking for friends only or fwb. Don't read too much into his questions...perhaps he was nervous and asked admittedly odd questions. Instead of spending too much energy analyzing it just ask him straight out. Take the flattery that he finds you cute and have a light-hearted friendship. You never know what may become of it. My first partner and I knew one another superficially for 4 years before we spent 15 years together. Good luck and keep us posted!
 
topspin66 said:
Just ask him openly if he is looking for friends only or fwb. Don't read too much into his questions...perhaps he was nervous and asked admittedly odd questions. Instead of spending too much energy analyzing it just ask him straight out. Take the flattery that he finds you cute and have a light-hearted friendship. You never know what may become of it. My first partner and I knew one another superficially for 4 years before we spent 15 years together. Good luck and keep us posted!
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Thanks. I've asked him if he wanted to meet up again this week and he said. I'll see what happens then. I wish he was interested though because he's like perfect to me lol.
 
I think people say shit like that to protect themselves in case the meeting doesn't lead to anything, or in case they are interested in someone else and want back ups in case it doesn't work out. I guess the question to ask yourself is: is he worth the dance, but I think you already answered that. What's the harm in being strung along for a little while? Just be careful not to let it become an indefinite "horse and carrot" situation.
 
I saw him again last night. We hung out for a couple hours at a club and we went out after for coffee. I'm pretty sure I'm friend zoned with him but there are still some things he says and does that make me question things. Anyway, I'll consider him a friend for now since we do get along well and I could use having more gay friends. We'll see what happens when I get back from my trip to Asia in October.
 
You know, it's never a good idea to tell yourself a guy doesn't mean what he's telling you about himself. Sure it's possible that you're just that fantabulous that you could get him to change his mind, but if a guy tells you he doesn't want to date you, run with that until he tells you otherwise.

You don't have to rule him out, you can still hang out with him, while getting guilt free hummers from other hot guys you seduced with coffee.
 
There is this feeble-minded notion among young people that somehow career/education and dating don't mix, and you should postpone the latter until the former is all good and set. That's bullshit. A good relationship strengthens and empowers your studies or work, doesn't detract from them. I am assuming you're both fairly young, so my guess would be that he is all over the place as to current goals. Let him make the next move. Keep in touch and be open to changes in his behavior, but let him make them, don't imagine them.
 
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