The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Is he...Or I Stupid??

  • Thread starter Thread starter TheAdster04
  • Start date Start date
T

TheAdster04

Guest
Hey guys...I love coming to this site and reading all of the posts. I thought I'd come here with a question of my own and see if anyone could help me. I am in a relationship, it will be a year in 2 weeks. My problem is this...there's a guy at work that I've liked for almost 3 years. We worked in the same department for a long time, but he transfered back in Feb. to another department, but just down the hall from me. He is married with a son, but I get such a huge vibe from him. My sister is gay, too and she gets the vibe, too. He looks at me when I am walking away from him, he stands so close that our arms touch, if I am handing him something, he lets him hand touch mine (EVERYTIME!)...I started going to the same gym as him and when I told him, he said, did you take a shower there? I said yes and he said, that's what I do. Hit me as odd, but I let it go...until a few weeks later, he asked me again. I don't know if I am just wrapped up in liking him that I want him to be into me, or what?? He is totally cool with gay guys, his cousin is and his friend from school is. He has offered to take me home before, though nothing happened. He wanted to look through my phone to look at my pictures...asked if it took good pictures and looked at them all...I just get a vibe. When we ran into each other at the gym, I was walking out of the adult locker room, he was walking in...he threw his bag down really fast and took his shirt and pants off before picking out a locker. He had to see me looking at him. I am shocked I didn't get hard. I enjoy our friendship, even though we don't hang out or anything outside of work, he's a cool person and I want to know, but don't want to lose a friend. I have wanted to ask him to hang out, but too scared he'd think I was hitting on him. He doesn't know I have a boyfriend. I would never cheat on my boyfriend, I've been there and know how that feels and I would never break a marriage up. I feel bad for liking him as much as I do. Anyways, if anyone has any comments on what I should do or whatever, I'd appreicate them!! Thanks!!*|*
 
Here, I think, is your problem.

He doesn't know I have a boyfriend.

He may be bisexual, or curious, and that makes you a convenient person for him to flirt with and test some boundaries with. He may even be waiting for you to make a serious play for him. But he's missing two vital pieces of information - you've got a boyfriend, and you don't want to cheat.

So you need to ask yourself - do you want the flirting to stop? Many guy would rather have the attention continue, but to me, that's kinda lame. You're sort of stringing him along on some incorrect information. I think it'd be best if you let him know. You don't have to confront him directly. Just mention it. "Oh, my boyfriend and I saw that movie- we thought it was great." Mention him a couple times so he gets the idea.

Lex
 
Why even think about it if he's married with a kid? You should just stop there and drop the whole thought.
 
If he's actively flirting with guys, isn't the home already scheduled for demolition???
 
Is he worth ruining two relationships, one of which involves a child, and your reputation?

No. Nobody is.
 
My general thought is that you're not responsible for someone else's morality. If a guy with a girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, wife, whatever happens to hit on you, it's not up to you to say "You shouldn't be doing this". Yes, there's a chance you'll end up being "the guy on the side", and I'm wary of somebody who feels that way about a commitment - if he does it once, he'll probably do it again. But if you don't have any qualms about it, it's not up to you to wave the red flag for him.

Lex
 
If his morality has no qualms with sleeping with a married guy - while having a steady boyfriend - then I'm not about to say no.

Lex
 
There is nothing wrong in having a crush on someone---as long as you recognize it for what it is for---he may have one on you, but that does not mean he is going to cheat either--believe me I had many crushes while I was married and never did cheat even after we decided to divorce and were just living together.

Does this guy know that you are gay? He may be using you as a way of working through his own questions about his sexuality.
 
G-Lexington said:
If his morality has no qualms with sleeping with a married guy - while having a steady boyfriend - then I'm not about to say no.

Lex
Click to expand...

That's called commiting adultry and would make him immoral, along with the married guy.

It would also re-enforce the stereotype that gay men are nothing but sluts that would have sex with anyone that has a penis that I hear all the time.

It's just like when a black person acts like a "nigger" and everyone around them goes, well, they are black after all. When one of us behaves badly, it reflects on all of us.
 
>>>That's called commiting adultry and would make him immoral, along with the married guy.

Yeah, if he was a good Christian. But he most likely isn't.

I personally wouldn't have anything to do with this guy. I actually DO believe in commitment and sanctity of marriage, and I think seeing someone on the sly sets yourself up for a lot of problems. But that's me. And only me. Other people don't have any problem with it. And I'm not going to force my morality on them, the same way I don't want them to force their morality on me.

And whatever else is going on, it's certainly not up to this guy to try to break a stereotype, any more than effeminate guys should "butch it up" because "they're making us look bad". Maybe this guy actually fits the stereotype, maybe he doesn't. But that shouldn't come into play one way or the other.

Lex
 
I'm not talking about butching it up, I'm talking about not acting like the sluts all the straights make us out to be.

And if you believe in the sanctity of a commited relationship, you should be one of the first ones on here, with your 20,000+ posts, to tell him to tell the guy to back the fuck off because you're both in a relationship.
 
>>>I'm not talking about butching it up, I'm talking about not acting like the sluts all the straights make us out to be.

Sorry, it's precisely the same. Some people look down at the femmy guys because "you're the reason straight guys hate us". You, apparently, look down at the slutty guys beacues "you're the reason the straight guys hate us". But reread that first post. If anyone's coming on strong, it's Mr Married With Kid, not the original poster.

And I do believe in the sanctity of a commited relationship. MY commited relationship. I know where I stand, and where my partner stands, on these issues. And that's all that matters in this instance. There are plenty of others here who don't feel that way. There are plenty of JUBbers who are totally happy and secure in completely open relationships - they go out, have sex with other guys when they feel like it, and everybody's happy. Could I do that? I don't think so. But I'm not going to tell them they can't. That's their call, not mine.

Lex
 
Saying that you would not do something that is classically immoral (and cheating on your spouse with someone that also has a spouse is quintisentially immoral), but is okay for others, is the definition of an amoral person.
 
Well, if you want to slap that label on me, that's fine. I don't consider it true. I actually do have morals - not just for me, but for everybody. If someone wants to cheat on their partner, I conisder that they're call. But if they want to cheat on their partner, and bareback, I do NOT consider that they're call. Maybe your line is at a different spot. So be it.

...and as we seem to have wandered a bit afar afield from the original post, perhaps we should take this to another thread.

Lex
 
Does this guy know that you are gay? He may be using you as a way of working through his own questions about his sexuality.

Yes, he knows I am gay. He was really cool with it when I told him. I really wasn't thinking anyone would answer this post...I am shocked y'all did...
 
...and as we seem to have wandered a bit afar afield from the original post, perhaps we should take this to another thread.
Click to expand...

Ah yeah fellas... my thoughts exactly... ;) Lets get back to the op's question hey... offtopic:


Well TheAdster04,

Your own moral compass is answering your questions for you... your post shows how much you value and respect others... especially your bf... and the sanctity of a realtionship. Your past expereinces are your guide here and you're a brave enough and smart enough guy to have learned those lessons.

You cant help liking someone... its human nature to be attracted to people, and being in a relationship doesn't mean that the things that always appealed to you just suddenly stop. Lifes not like that. Its those feelings and emotions that build friendships and confidants.

Where things change lies in your decision to progress those feelings... simply because you perceive an opportunity to exist... and your post tells me thats not how you feel here... a great sign of your integrity and belief in yourself and your values. The ability to logically think out an opportunity for "fun" and see the possible consequences is a trait thats admirable and valuable. Its a trait that will not prevent a lot of hurt for all who might be involved.

You do need to put an end to his games though TheAdster04. He needs to know that you are in a relationship, that you are commited and that while harmless flirting might seem like fun, theres no future in it for either of you. As much as hes playing games, honesty is always the best policy... it wall save misunderstandings from his part and some long awkward explantaions to your bf should he ever misunderstand whats going on.

Stick to your values mate. They are what set you apart. They are something to feel proud of and are something that lets others see you for the guy you are. They are part of what makes you the great guy you are... and just arent worth compromising.
 
^ Reread the above post.
 
Agreed. Why even question his 'motives' in the first place if he's married and you've got a boyfriend. With these facts in place, his 'flirtation' is what it is, and you have to take it as such - but nothing more.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top