Is he that into me?

[TexMade90]

Needing some advice on my current situation with this guy, for starters I'm 22 and he's 29. We met through Grindr (of all places) last month and hit it off pretty well, we used to text all day, he would call at night and on occassions be on the phone til 5 in the morning

We've gone on 2 meetings, or dates possibly, and while good on my part it seems as though he has lost interest...no good morning texts, no late night phone calls, if I text him I get a response but the texts aren't about anything in particular....

Normally I would just put this in the pile of guys who have a habit of disappearing for whatever reason but he's different in the sense that there was a mutual agreement of taking things slow, no sex, no nude pic trading and he was very genuine. We have so much in common it's crazy and he would always seem so interested in anything I had to say. A friend has told me to not communicate with him and see if he writes or calls me but I want opinions from you all...is he interested? Am I just over thinking?

 

[subsonic]

I will let this gif speak for itself

To be honest with you dude, I would just throw him in the pile you mentioned. I've meet my fair share of guys who has showed interest in me and then suddenly withdrew themselves and disappeared from the surface of the Earth with no postcard my way. It's not worth wasting your precious time on. The least people can do is be honest with you and if they can't even do that, then you should move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea my friend.

 

[Rolyo85]

If he doesn't show interest, he doesn't have it. Just because he was interested doesn't mean he'd stay that way. Just because you have stuff in common, doesn't mean there will be chemistry. Move on.

 

[HunterM]

Just be aware, he's not the only one. There are other guys like him out there...unfortunately. You will probably meet them (like I have)...unfortunately. You have to learn to manage your own emotions and move on.

 

[Rolyo85]

Or, alternatively, it WAS your fault, and you did something that pushed him away. I'm not saying this to be a douche, but because self-reflection is always important. What happened is an indication of something. Now, it might be indication entirely of something in/about him, but it can just as easily be an indication of something about you. Maybe you were needy. Maybe you became too emotional. Maybe you set too many rules. Maybe you gave mixed signals. Maybe you did nothing wrong. But assuming you are not to blame either way is just as wrong as assuming it's entirely your fault.

Bottom line - think whether you did there. It's likely that you've lost this one, but if the next one does the same shit, maybe you gotta change something in your approach.

If you feel like discussing this in more detail, feel free to PM me.

 

[Seasoned]

My guess is that neither of you fucked this up. He's moved on and you ought to do the same. Take your friend's advice. If the guy misses you, he'll contact you.

I understand your disappointment given the initial hopefulness, but take care of yourself by letting go. I followed my own advice once and the guy did call back several months later and next month we'll be celebrating our 29th anniversary.

 

[Spiff]

I will let this gif speak for itself

But the message in your gif is not always true. Guys can be like girls when it comes to playing hard to get. Guys especially often do not want to portray themselves as being overly eager. Especially if they are not openly gay; they don't want to seem "too gay." So they just sit back and let the other guy do the talking, trying to decide if he's the right type. It's often part of the game playing with things like Grindr, Craigslist, chat rooms, etc.

 

[TexMade90]

I truly appreciate all the advice given
And I agree with Rolyo, I have evaluated the situation plenty and I just don't know what happened and I'm trying to be O.K. with that. I guess I shouldn't have made him the only guy I was chatting with and kept my options open.
Oh and Loki that is a good rule that I will now use

 

[bananagoof]

I also like Loki's rule, but I'd like to make one suggestion - ask him the dreaded question: "Anything wrong?" Yes, I know it sounds like a weak/needy thing to do, but it gives you the chance to find out if there was something you did to hurt him/push him away without realizing it. Most people, when offended, won't bring it up and will just put distance between you. If you take a moment to ask him, you might be able to resolve something that you didn't even realize was an issue.

Of course, if he says nothing's wrong but doesn't seem to keep it touch after that, then yeah...move on.

 

[subsonic]

But the message in your gif is not always true. Guys can be like girls when it comes to playing hard to get. Guys especially often do not want to portray themselves as being overly eager. Especially if they are not openly gay; they don't want to seem "too gay." So they just sit back and let the other guy do the talking, trying to decide if he's the right type. It's often part of the game playing with things like Grindr, Craigslist, chat rooms, etc.

I agree with you in general. Of course guys can play hard to get as well and especially gay guys. Several of my friends have told me that I am just that, because I am hesitant about texting a guy if I don't know how he feels. But if you contact a guy and he gives weak replies or replies that are delayed by days, then it's not about playing hard to get, but simply just being too weak to speak up and say "I'm not interested". There's a big difference between playing hard to get, and not giving a shit. Personally, I don't want to waste my time on game playing and guys how aren't interested.