Is it all just fucking?

[galesbi]

I'm married and happy about it. I told my wife "Sweetie, I like dick." She said "Cool". What I am not happy about is guys.

Lets step back. With girls I like to get naked and go slow and enjoy each others nakedness. I like to get all twisted up in the sheets while we kiss and feel all over each other. I love to kiss and cuddle.

With guys, big surprise, my sexual preference in activities doesn't change. I'd like to kiss and cuddle and enjoy being naked while we feel all over each others naked bodies and twist ourselves up in the sheets. Here is where I'm at with that

Well, when I first started to explore sex with men, I didn't really find any of that. Eventually I just said fuck it, and sucked some dick, and had my dick sucked. I find it completely unsatisfying...well, not completely, but you get the point. I wanted more than just a flop it out, get it off, zip it up, and see ya later. Unfortunately the more I seem to look, the more commonplace that seems.

Help me out guys. Point me in the right direction. Fuck, I would actually rather a close intimate friendship with a guy at the expense of sex than detached orgasms. Of course ideally, I would love a close intimate friendship with a guy who loved kissing and cuddling and understood my dedication to my wife, but I'm willing to take it a step a time

Are there passionate guys out there, and how do I start to meet them. And sorry for any naivete, but keep in mind that its been less than a year that I admitted to myself and my wife that a beautiful man wasn't just a random fantasy.

 

[conrad]

i CAN VERY DEFINITELY RELATE TOO YOUR THINKING. IMHO, YOU ARE ONTHE WAY TO DISCOVERING WHAT MANY MEN NEVER DO LEARN: THAT MALES CAN BE LOVING AND LOVABLE CREATURES AND THAT SEX FOR TWO MEN WHO HAVE DISCOVERED THAT CAN BE FANTASTIC TOO.

IT WAS MY GOOD FORTUNE TO DISCOVER ALL THAT AT AGE FIFTEEN; MY PARTNER WAS THE NEW GUY IN TOWN AND OUR RELATIONSHIP LASTIED THROUGH OUR LAST TWO YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL. THE SEX HAS ENDED BETWEEN US BUT THE LOVE WHICH PROMPTED IT REMAINS STRONG.

WE ALL MAKE THE NECESSARY ACCOMMODATIONS TO OUR PERSISTENT "URGES" AND OUR RELATIONSHIP SITUATIONS. AND, NO, IT ISN'T ALL JUST FUCKING. THE SEPARATION OF LOVE AND SEX IS A RECIPE FOR TROUBLE, IMHO.

ONE DOES NOT "GET OVER THE ATTRACTION TO AND FOR MEN" BUT AS MATURE ADULTS WE GET TO UNDERSTAND THAT LIFE IS CHOICES. i HAVE BEEN A HAPPY, FAITHFUL, HUSBAND FOR MORE THAN HALF A CENTURY AND i HAVE NEVER FELT THAT MY CONIINUING LOVE (NON-SEXUAL) FOR MY FORMER PARTNERS (MALE AND FEMALE) AND FOR OTHER SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE PERSONS I COUNT AS MY DEAR FRIENDS THREATENS MY MARRIAGE IN ANY WAY.

 

[HornyHenry]

I've noticed that some older men seem to like more affection and foreplay and even afterplay while most younger guys seem to want to get busy and plant the meat in their partner or get it into them to start the lovemaking.
I myself have had a few partners both older than myself(around my age now and older) and my age back then(20's) when I was tomcatting around who enjoyed a good hugging, caressing and french kissing session before I entered them and made love to them. Some also liked to hug&cuddle, or even discuss the pleasure we enjoyed, after I withdrew.I welcomed most of it because some of the men were sexy and nice to me but with a few dudes I wanted only to get my rocks off in them to add them to my conquests and then leave.

 

[Seasoned]

A cuddly guy on the side may be difficult to find. Emotional attachment on either of your parts could complicate your life in ways that you wouldn't want. The fantasy involves your type of guy with exactly your needs and wants. I suppose it can happen, but so could a Fatal Attraction senario. Being married does limit other possibilities. I don't envy the life of a married bisexual.

Telling your wife that you like dick wasn't accurate since that alone doesn't satisfy you. You also mention what you like doing with women as opposed to what you like doing with your wife. Are you involved with other women?

I hope things will eventually be less sexually less frustrating for you. I hope you'll be able to find gay and bi friends to be able to talk with directly. I'm happy to welcome you to JUB.

 

[rareboy]

^ This.

You want more than dick.

 

[galesbi]

A cuddly guy on the side may be difficult to find. Emotional attachment on either of your parts could complicate your life in ways that you wouldn't want. The fantasy involves your type of guy with exactly your needs and wants. I suppose it can happen, but so could a Fatal Attraction senario. Being married does limit other possibilities. I don't envy the life of a married bisexual.

Telling your wife that you like dick wasn't accurate since that alone doesn't satisfy you. You also mention what you like doing with women as opposed to what you like doing with your wife. Are you involved with other women?

I hope things will eventually be less sexually less frustrating for you. I hope you'll be able to find gay and bi friends to be able to talk with directly. I'm happy to welcome you to JUB.

No, I'm not involved with other women. I meant that as a sort of complete sexual history. I like doing all that with my wife...and more. I just meant that I have always liked doing that with women. To say I told her I like dick is to really take the cliff notes version and condense that. It was a long involved conversation. She obviously knows that I am attracted to women, but I had never told her that I have always had fantasies about men as well.

Thanks for welcoming me, and I really hope that your right and I can meet some other men to talk to directly.

 

[wooffy]

Why does he have to go outside the marriage to get his needs for love, caressing, cuddling and kissing filled? That question underlies this whole topic, in my opinion.

Who says he isn't also getting that in the marriage? Is there some limit or quota on physical affection?

Someone remind me to start a thread on polyamoury once I recover from MLO... end of November should do.

 

[jasoncrew03]

I don't envy the life of a married bisexual.

That's why I don't have relationships.... just relations ;P

 

[wooffy]

My point is that she can fill that need for him, so why does he have to go outside the marriage for that?

Was that in reply to me? My point is that, even if one person can "fill" the need for physical intimacy, is there any reason to rule out more intimacy?

If I read the OP correctly, he desires sex with men as well as with his wife, and he likes sex to include intimate acts like kissing and cuddling etc. Good, provided the wife is ok with that there is no reason whatsoever not to do so. There is no artificial quota that limits a human being to intimacy with only one person. It doesn't mean he or she isn't fulfilled, there is not limit on such things.

 

[shahmask]

Hey man, sorry to hear your frustration and can understand it. I do enjoy cuddling and kissing and such. But, it takes time to find what you're looking for. Literally, at this point, I have decided to not expect (or pursue) more than sex with gay dudes. which is fine by me since that is where my sexual pleasure comes from. If it unfolds naturally, that would be fine. My close friendships are girls and straight guys. I haven't had a good gay male friend since like 02 in college when he turned from an awesome dude in high school to a total drama queen in college. Hmmm, sorry to make this sound so drab.

I just personally can't find a guy that i feel isnt overly clingy, or that doesn't want to smoke green (or other crazy shit), or is financially stable, or isn't self hating, or always wants to drink himself drunk, or doesn't want to always be at a club or bar, or that knows how to have an intelligent conversation, or that doesn't always need to look himself over a mirror, or that has a good work ethic, or isn't a bitch to service sector employees, or etc...that is just a nice, normal, independent person. So it's just sex.

I guess i just gotta go after bi guys to have a friend and sex bud. lol

on another thought, perhaps i would like my first sex experience with a girl to be an mmf encounter. aww yeah!

 

[galesbi]

On the other hand, the cuddling and lovemaking part, that is something the wife can supply. So it raises a serious question if the husband is going outside the marriage for that. Why isn't that need supplied for him by his wife? Is there something wrong with the marriage? If I were his wife, these questions would be racing through my mind. Why does he have to go outside the marriage to get his needs for love, caressing, cuddling and kissing filled? That question underlies this whole topic, in my opinion.

My wife and I have plenty of hugging and kissing and cuddling and incredible intimacy (to the point where I can tell her anything), none of that is missing from my relationship. That doesn't change the fact that I crave men. And, just because I enjoy all that with my wife does not mean I can enjoy empty sex with a man. Its kind of disgusting to me.

 

[clicker]

I could imagine that a very understanding wife would be able to accept the fact that her husband wanted to suck a dick once in a while and would allow him to, as long as she didn't know about each encounter. That would be far less threatening to his wife than the thought of him fooling around with another woman would be. I think there are some women who are open-minded enough to understand and even accept their husband's bisexual nature, at least in regards to his craving for cock, which is obviously something they cannot supply him. On the other hand, the cuddling and lovemaking part, that is something the wife can supply. So it raises a serious question if the husband is going outside the marriage for that. Why isn't that need supplied for him by his wife? Is there something wrong with the marriage? If I were his wife, these questions would be racing through my mind. Why does he have to go outside the marriage to get his needs for love, caressing, cuddling and kissing filled? That question underlies this whole topic, in my opinion.

Because his need for same sex affection are not satisfied by his wife Male (sexual) bonding is unique.

 

[blackbeltninja]

^I think the OP is basically saying that quick intimacy-free hook-ups with guys aren't his thing. He wants a full immersive sexual experience each time, not a quick and emotionless hand-job behind the bike sheds, but something a lot more like what he has when he makes love with his wife.

Is that what you mean, OP?

-d-

 

[mbamike]

With guys, big surprise, my sexual preference in activities doesn't change. I'd like to kiss and cuddle and enjoy being naked while we feel all over each others naked bodies and twist ourselves up in the sheets.

Don't get discouraged, we are out there. I don't like quick cum dumps either. I enjoy the kissing and cuddling too. Laying naked next to another guy and just talking is wonderful. All this just makes the sex even better.

So, keep looking. It is not all just fucking. Some of us enjoy the more intimate part of lovemaking too!

 

[galesbi]

^I think the OP is basically saying that quick intimacy-free hook-ups with guys aren't his thing. He wants a full immersive sexual experience each time, not a quick and emotionless hand-job behind the bike sheds, but something a lot more like what he has when he makes love with his wife.

Is that what you mean, OP?

-d-

That's exactly what I mean ninja. Meeting a guy, even in a nice hotel nevermind behind the bike shed lol, is not my thing. With a guy or a girl. Its just not comfortable or fun. I'm mid thirties and the vast majority of my sexual experience is with women. Since my teens I have had 3 one night stands, all drunk, and all initiated by the girl, 2 of them I was asleep when it started. It just really isn't my thing.

And thanks mbamike.

 

[wooffy]

Well, before I bow out (because I'm not bi so I am really unqualified to post in this thread) I would just offer the opinion that a man with such strong needs for both sexes should probably remain single, and not jump into the commitment to one person that a marriage implies. But whatever works; everyone's different.

Why are there only two option, (1) single, OR (2) married and monogamous? Why impose an artificial duality unless that is what all partners really want? Other than societal brain-washing, I don't understand why people keep saying shit like that! Argh.

Multiple relationships, open relationships, non-monogamy, limited arrangements, group marriages, couples and V's and triads and quads and....

I sincerely wish people would stop making themselves miserable by trying to fit into boxes, when there are so many option open in life and love.

 

[MisterMajestic]

Well, when I first started to explore sex with men, I didn't really find any of that. Eventually I just said fuck it, and sucked some dick, and had my dick sucked. I find it completely unsatisfying...well, not completely, but you get the point. I wanted more than just a flop it out, get it off, zip it up, and see ya later. Unfortunately the more I seem to look, the more commonplace that seems.

Now you CLEARLY understand why you should NEVER-EVER leave your wife..This is where Common-Sense plays a major role in your Life...Gay Life will NOT make you happy...Everything you desire with a Gay Man will ONLY be temporary..Do you understand that?

One of these days you're gonna Find that Guy that will give you what you want..But will you be willing to GIVE him what he wants? He might want you To Fuck him without protection and he might want his Light-bill paid...

Now that you're OUT to your wife and you're searching 10-Times harder for Dudes than ever before; It's gonna be interesting to see how much self-control you have...It's gonna be interesting to see what you sacrifice to get what you want from Gay Men...

 

[Bxtoni]

Man, I've been there. If you are messing around with straight and bi dudes this is about what you should expect. I know that guys like to draw that line in the sand because we aren't full blown into guys (and I'm the same way so please take this in the way that it is intended) but men who identify as gay seem to really have one over on us when it comes to sex with a man because they are trying to make LOVE with each other, while we are focusing on trying NOT to enjoy it TOO much. Don't kiss, don't hug, don't caress. WTF? So only girls and gays get to feel what it's really like to be with a man? What a jip! We just get the occasional guilt-riddled ham-fisted beat-off session? Seems lame. That's probably why so many guys only have a few experiences and then they stop. More make-out sessions, less no reciprocation blowjobs.

 

[sktguy]

Now you CLEARLY understand why you should NEVER-EVER leave your wife..This is where Common-Sense plays a major role in your Life...Gay Life will NOT make you happy...Everything you desire with a Gay Man will ONLY be temporary..Do you understand that?

One of these days you're gonna Find that Guy that will give you what you want..But will you be willing to GIVE him what he wants? He might want you To Fuck him without protection and he might want his Light-bill paid...

Now that you're OUT to your wife and you're searching 10-Times harder for Dudes than ever before; It's gonna be interesting to see how much self-control you have...It's gonna be interesting to see what you sacrifice to get what you want from Gay Men...

To the OP..please ignore every word this pessimistic loser has written. It really makes my skin crawl to read all this negativity and trust me they are false. Keep looking and even though it may be hard or take time but there are people out there who are what you're looking for. The fact that a couple other people here agree with you proves that.

 

[sktguy]

Man, I've been there. If you are messing around with straight and bi dudes this is about what you should expect. I know that guys like to draw that line in the sand because we aren't full blown into guys (and I'm the same way so please take this in the way that it is intended) but men who identify as gay seem to really have one over on us when it comes to sex with a man because they are trying to make LOVE with each other, while we are focusing on trying NOT to enjoy it TOO much. Don't kiss, don't hug, don't caress. WTF? So only girls and gays get to feel what it's really like to be with a man? What a jip! We just get the occasional guilt-riddled ham-fisted beat-off session? Seems lame. That's probably why so many guys only have a few experiences and then they stop. More make-out sessions, less no reciprocation blowjobs.

Dude, I could give you an experience that is so far from a quilt ridden ham fisted beat off session it would blow your mind. I can go either ways. A totally anonymous sex thing is fun when I'm in the mood but I also love a getting down, rolling in the sheets, kissing, rubbing against each other and sweating time with a guy.