Is it anything to worry about?

[SAcub88]

Long story sort: my boyfriend has a "dating site" profile that I know about and we have talked about it and he only has it to keep in touch with friends of there - That's fine. Today however I looked at his profile and he had changed his statuses and his "about me" and this is what it reads:

"About Me"

Hi guys. Creative and fun guy here looking for interesting people to hang with. Work as a photographer and graphic artist so looking for inspiration and all round awesome people. Want to know more about me? Ask and I shalt tell. Oh, and I have a specific fetish, so if you are into that or willing to explore it, you get bonus points.

"Statuses"

Age: 32
Position: Versatile
Build: Muscular
Ethnicity: White
Hair: Shaved
Eyes: Hazel
Cock: Cut
Availability: Ask Me
Place: Ask Me
HIV Status: Negative
Intos
Friends

Now if he were on there for just friends then why would he put up his "Position", "Cock", change his "Availability" to "Ask Me" instead of "Not Looking", "HIV Status" and then have what he said in his "About Me".

We had a talk when I found a XTube profile that had images and videos on it and he took them down.

I trust him with all my heart but this just doesn't seem right to me...

What should I do?

 

[Rolyo85]

You don't trust him with all your heart, or your worries (and this topic) would not exist.

Now, I am a bad example, because even though the guy I am with and I deeply care about each other, we're not officially in a relationship (long story), and he's actually given me leave to slut around if I want to (which I don't). HOWEVER, I can say that my relationship status on Grindr is "Single". Not because I see myself as single, but because there are a lot of people who will just ignore you unless they initially think you're available, and some of them are actually decent guys who would become friend material once you actually start chatting.

Now, I'm not saying your bf is doing the same thing - I mean, he might just as well be a lying cheating little bitch - but it's one angle to look at. I think you should ask him about it in a joking manner. Not as a worried bf, because that reeks of jealousy and will make him defensive and closed up, but as a joke ("So, looking for fetish buddies, eh?"). If you can make it believable, he will feel safe and comfortable enough to actually tell you the truth, should everything be ok. If it is NOT, he will get nervous and evasive.

Of course, he might just get nervous and evasive even if there's nothing to hide, so basically I wasn't any help at all ^_^

 

[Ganoderma]

Long story sort: my boyfriend has a "dating site" profile that I know about and we have talked about it and he only has it to keep in touch with friends of there - That's fine. Today however I looked at his profile and he had changed his statuses and his "about me" and this is what it reads

hi SAcub88,

I don't understand why your boyfriend does not indicate in his status that he is partnered, especially because you told us that (1) you had discussed this topic with him, and (2) he has told you that this profile is just to keep in contact with friends.

Such a deal seems quite normal for me. So then all his online friends are aware that he is partnered (with you), and this also seems normal for me for people who don't need to hide anything from each other.

So somehow I don't feel very comfortable with this situation. I prefer guys who are honest and open about their relationship with their partner.

And I can therefore imagine very well that you worry about this situation. Well, discuss this with him, and as soon as possible. He is your partner / boyfriend, and partners / boyfriends of his age must be able to discuss this kind of things.

Take care & best wishes

 

[dhchitown1984]

SAcub88: Recently had this experience with my boyfriend. He's newer to being out, and he was joking about getting a Grindr profile. Reluctantly, he asked what it was "really" all about and I said I had one in the past, yadda yadda yadda.

The next morning, he downloaded the app and showed me his profile - a torso pic, no real details, and I said it was funny, and to let me know how many guys he found less than 200 feet away... kind of putting it out there that I just wanted to be kept in the loop, and not to be surprised if I mentioned anything about it later.

Later that afternoon, a coworker of ours (who didn't know we were dating), said "OMG! You'll never guess who I found on Grindr!" and he turned his phone around and there was my boyfriends face picture, and I was cropped out.

I sat him down and explained why I didn't like it, and asked why he put a face picture up when he showed me a different one. He saw it made me uncomfortable because of the "general purpose" of the app, and he offered to delete it. I told him to keep for a week or two, get the "experience" since he wanted it, but then it would probably be in the best interest of the relationship to get rid of it because of the fact that for the most part - no one is looking for networking on Grindr.

If the relationship is valuable to him, he'll understand your point of view. It may be completely harmless, and if it is, he won't get defensive.

 

[Rolyo85]

I hate this type of thinking with a fiery passion. I have had grindr ever since vying my iPhone. I have been in two relationships since and I haven't spent a day not being online. I use it with no agenda. I love chatting, meeting new people, and some times flirting. I've never asked permission from a bf to keep it on. I've never tried to cheat through it either, and imapparently good at making that clear, because I've never had a problem because of it. I'm sorry, but there is no inherent "cheating" involved in having a profile in these places, especially grindr. And deleting it is not in interest of the relationship, it's in the interest of insecurity.

 

[KaraBulut]

Two issues-

1. The profile
2. How you feel about it

You should discuss both with him. Don't nag. Just state the facts- you saw the profile, you're not feeling secure about your boyfriend having a profile on the site. The two of you can talk about it but in the end, it is his decision about whether to remove it.

 

[Seasoned]

There's a funny thing that happens in primary relationships sometimes, misplaced trust and misplaced distrust. In the end, trust says more about you than your partner.

If it ever comes to the place where you seem to be obsessing about what your partner is doing its time to evaluate yourself. You're either not ready for a relationship or you need to find ways to bolster your own self-confidence and self-esteem.

 

[Rolyo85]

That. Some times distrust is warranted, but often people assume certain things are always a cause for it. Profiles on gay sites are not a cause in and of themselves.

 

[TX-Beau]

Well if you're fine discussing this with him, why are you talking to us? We don't know him, we aren't dating him, there's nothing we can tell you about why he did this or that.

So what you're really in here for is one of two things - either you want us to tell you he's cheating, or you want us to tell you he's not, because you aren't fine with discussing this with him, and you are afraid of what he's going to say. Which is more about you than him.