IS it bad to lead on a guy you love...

[KyleWells]

Okay prepare for a twisted situation.


First, I'm an actual bisexual. I've been chastised on this website before due to some assholes saying "You're gay, there's no bisexuality." So be a little tolerant when reading this.


I've been dating this guy for around 6 months. We're pretty much perfect for each other, we don't have many fights and i could honestly say we love eachother.
But, I can honestly say I would never get married to him. Not because I don't love him, I do, but because I want to be married to a girl.

Girls and guys sexually arouse me, And I've had relationships with both, and equally enjoyed both of them. I dated a girl for almost a full year but we broke up because there was this wall of mistrust in the middle of us.


ANYWAYS, I know it sounds horrible, but I want to be married to a girl. I want a wife and my own kids. This isn't a "I want to live a lie," because I know that I like girls as well, and If I played the field with females I could get a lot more dates.

So it's partially for me, but also partially for my parents. My parents are way supportive of me and they love me, and I would never want to hurt them by saying I want to be with a guy for the rest of my life. While my parents are supportive, they are extremely homophobic. 2 years ago I overheard my mom talking to a friend who's son came out, and she said "Well, if any of my children were homosexuals I would be heart broken."






So as much as I love my boyfriend as of now, I know I could only have fun with him for a few more years before I decide its time to settle down and find a wife. I feel horrible because I don't want to stop dating him RIGHT now, but i'll drop him later, which is a disgusting mindset i know.
I just feel like I'm leading him on, even though i really do love him. I don't want to waste 4 years of his life and then say "it was fun but I'm going to go get married and have kids."
But I don't want to lose him right now.
Should I break it off now, or what.
im really fucking torn

 

[Elwood]

Does he know of your intentions?? If not then I think you should tell him and let him decide what he wants to do with it. If your honest about your intentions then whatever. If you keep your intentions to yourself and string him along as a play thing well then your are a douchebag.

I do not want to get into the whole bi/gay thingy but I think you definitely have some thinking to do. Just because you see yourself with the perfect wife and 2.5 kids and the white picket fence does not mean it is going to happen. And it definitely does not mean you will be happy once you achieve that.

 

[figjam]

Okay prepare for a twisted situation.


First, I'm an actual bisexual. I've been chastised on this website before due to some assholes saying "You're gay, there's no bisexuality." So be a little tolerant when reading this.


I've been dating this guy for around 6 months. We're pretty much perfect for each other, we don't have many fights and i could honestly say we love eachother.
But, I can honestly say I would never get married to him. Not because I don't love him, I do, but because I want to be married to a girl.

Girls and guys sexually arouse me, And I've had relationships with both, and equally enjoyed both of them. I dated a girl for almost a full year but we broke up because there was this wall of mistrust in the middle of us.


ANYWAYS, I know it sounds horrible, but I want to be married to a girl. I want a wife and my own kids. This isn't a "I want to live a lie," because I know that I like girls as well, and If I played the field with females I could get a lot more dates.

So it's partially for me, but also partially for my parents. My parents are way supportive of me and they love me, and I would never want to hurt them by saying I want to be with a guy for the rest of my life. While my parents are supportive, they are extremely homophobic. 2 years ago I overheard my mom talking to a friend who's son came out, and she said "Well, if any of my children were homosexuals I would be heart broken."






So as much as I love my boyfriend as of now, I know I could only have fun with him for a few more years before I decide its time to settle down and find a wife. I feel horrible because I don't want to stop dating him RIGHT now, but i'll drop him later, which is a disgusting mindset i know.
I just feel like I'm leading him on, even though i really do love him. I don't want to waste 4 years of his life and then say "it was fun but I'm going to go get married and have kids."
But I don't want to lose him right now.
Should I break it off now, or what.
im really fucking torn

I have had my fair share of "you can't be bi - only gays are allowed" arguments on many a online forum. I must say though - be honest with the guy. Tell him what you prefer and do not hold him on a string. I know what you are going through, believe me. People only get hurt in the process.

 

[Lukeee]

^Agreed.

Talk to him about how you feel. If you both love each other there is no harm in still enjoying your relationship. Maybe after a few years together you will have grown up a bit and be ready to have what you want, not what others expect you to have.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

Very true. I prefer gay guys to bi guys. Tell him the truth, that's your best bet. If he is okay with that then live in the now. If not, then your different aspirations will most likely cause a break up.

 

[G-Lexington]

Honestly, if you're happy with the situation right now as it stands, I'd say stick with it. And I don't think you need to tell him that you eventually want to marry a woman. I eventually wanted to go back to school and become a teacher. Things change.

Lex

 

[figjam]

Most bi-boys will dump or emotionally abuse a gay boy in the end, because of their need to conform to society's picture of boy+girl = normal.

Not true at all.

 

[Wtrain]

Honestly, if you're happy with the situation right now as it stands, I'd say stick with it. And I don't think you need to tell him that you eventually want to marry a woman. I eventually wanted to go back to school and become a teacher. Things change.

Lex

That's so shady.... why waste his boyfriends time? Life is to short to be strung along for nothing.

 

[figjam]

Agreed with what beardaddy said. The mentality of the OP and the belief that 'guys are just for sex, girls are for marrying' sickens me about bi men. If you want to conform to what your parents and society tell you is normal, then stop taking cock up your ass and get a girlfriend instead.

Wierd confused bi guys

There we go with the "bi guy" knocking.

Nobody said "'guys are just for sex, girls are for marrying". It is about personnal choice.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>That's so shady.... why waste his boyfriends time? Life is to short to be strung along for nothing.

Why? Because he hopes to marry a woman someday? Even if that's five, ten, twenty years down the line? Most relationships - gay or straight - don't last that long. And if this one does, if they realy ARE perfect for one another, OP may just change his mind during the fifth or tenth year about finding a woman to settle down with. He may decide he has everything he wants and needs right there.

>>>Pathetic bi men using gays for just sex.

Should I start tagging all the "he says he's straight but I want to suck his cock" threads? Or is it only offensive when we're the ones getting "used"?

Lex

 

[M4P]

I think honesty is key no matter what the relationship is

Before coming out I dated a woman who had her heart set on having kids. I let her know this was something I definitely didn't want kids. Like it or not when we date we're looking at the long term

You both deserve to be happy

 

[figjam]

Most will... That's life

Yea yea - like most gay guys are "catholic priests who molests boys" - that is what stereotypes are for... *sigh*

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Come on, Lex! You are usually more common sensible than this.

And you're usually more open-minded than this.

If you're a dating a guy, and you're not entirely sure if he's "the one", should you tell him that? "You know, I don't know if you're the right one for me - I may find someone better, at which point, I'll be dropping you and hooking up with him." Or do you just proceed along and see how things go? I think the latter. Sure, if it's time to buy a house together, or intertwine your finances, then it might be time to evaluate that. But other than that, I don't see anything wrong with playing it by ear.

Lex

 

[LoveIsNow]

I highly disapprove of your limiting your options to only marrying a woman to please your parents or anyone else. You haven't even found a girl yet and you're deciding this. If your boyfriend is perfect for you and you really love him, you very may well eventually fall deeply enough in love with him that you won't want to be with anyone else.

The easier path doesn't always lead to the best outcome, and sometimes the best things take more struggle to attain.

And if he's really that important to you, maybe if you discussed the pressures you feel to please your parents with him, it would help you to get a different perspective. A second opinion is always useful.

 

[G-Lexington]

I'd say it's still in the dating stages, although he is starting to bandy about the L-word. Sorry - I think if he's in love, and he's happy with the way things are going, then he should stay the course.

Lex

 

[M4P]

ATTENTION

This thread has been moved to Coming Out & Relationships with the permission of the OP

Please keep in mind the thread is now located in a NO FLAME ZONE

Thanks

 

[KyleWells]

Most bi-boys will dump or emotionally abuse a gay boy in the end, because of their need to conform to society's picture of boy+girl = normal.

Sure, but this isn't ALL for my need to conform to society, I could give a fuck honestly. If I was 100% gay, I would NOT marry a woman.

I just could not see myself living the rest of my life with a man. I love my boyfriend, but I'd prefer to spend my life with a woman. I just find women to be much more comforting than a man. It may sound weird, but when I'm with a woman then i feel as if I have someone to protect and i have this drive to make her the happiest women on earth. When I'm with a man, it's like having A BEST FRIEND that you love romantically on a level and like to have sex with.

 

[KyleWells]

Agreed with what beardaddy said. The mentality of the OP and the belief that 'guys are just for sex, girls are for marrying' sickens me about bi men. If you want to conform to what your parents and society tell you is normal, then stop taking cock up your ass and get a girlfriend instead.

Wierd confused bi guys

Fuck you, seriously. I never said guys are just for sex. I'm in love with my boyfriend, I love being around him, i love everything about him. But in the end, i know it sounds abnormal to you, but I want a women.

It's very confusing for people to get, but its also very confusing to me too.

 

[Lukeee]

That's so shady.... why waste his boyfriends time? Life is to short to be strung along for nothing.

Well that depends on the point of the relationship. Maybe they are there because they love each other and they like spending time together so it wont be a waste. If the single aim is to settle down and raise a family, then yes, it is a waste of time.

 

[G-Lexington]

OK, then - you're using the term "love" with this guy. Do you just "love" him like a friend (and sometimes stick your dick in each other)? There's no cuddling, no emotional bonding?

Lex