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IS it bad to lead on a guy you love...

puka-pride said:
somethign about this line bugs me


you shoudlnt' need to be fully gay to love your bf completely


you just need to be fully comfortable with yourself even if that means you are still bisexual
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I meant so i wouldn't have feelings towards females at all. If I was totally gay, I wouldn't have any of these not being able to love him for the rest of my life feelings.
 
If I found out that the guy I was with was just marking time until he found a girl with which to live out the 2.5 kids and a dog dream; the fallout would be swift and ugly.

You absolutely need to talk about this. It's dishonest not to. If he doesn't want to wait until you figure it out, that's the risk you take, but really, how can you put him in that situation them claim you love him.
 
For years and years, I always wanted a pill or an injection that would make me straight. But now, I would never conside doing anything, even if they had one.

The life I have with my partner, is the best thing for me and has given me true happiness. Someday, you will come to grips with whichever path you are to choose.

Like one poster said, your only 18, relax, enjoy the ride, don't get to caught up how things will be or should be.

Note of caution: If you tell your bf and he leaves you (physically and/or emotionally), be prepared to deal with the fallout you have, cuz there will be some - trust me.
 
I think as you become more comfortable with yourself, your sexuality, and your man the dream of marrying a woman might go away. Getting married is something that's driven into us from a young age and it's something, I believe, most of us have struggled with. If he's the one please don't sacrifice a true love for what society has tried to make us believe it right

You can still get married to him and have (adopted) children and have a wonderful and happy life
 
M4P said:
I think as you become more comfortable with yourself, your sexuality, and your man the dream of marrying a woman might go away. Getting married is something that's driven into us from a young age and it's something, I believe, most of us have struggled with. If he's the one please don't sacrifice a true love for what society has tried to make us believe it right

You can still get married to him and have (adopted) children and have a wonderful and happy life
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I really can't imagined a full life with a man though. Theres just all these little problems I have in the back of my head that come up when I think about that. And it seems like it would just feel so much more natural to marry a women. I wouldn't marry a women just to marry a women though, I would only marry one I love.
I dont know, I'm going to get some therapy and hopefully get all this shit sorted out.
 
KyleWells said:
I really can't imagined a full life with a man though. Theres just all these little problems I have in the back of my head that come up when I think about that. And it seems like it would just feel so much more natural to marry a women. I wouldn't marry a women just to marry a women though, I would only marry one I love.
I dont know, I'm going to get some therapy and hopefully get all this shit sorted out.
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Then you need to stop getting into relationships with men until you know. Fuck all the guys you want, but don't hand out expectations you can't deliver on.
 
First off I would have to say that what you are feeling is not love. I define love as when you can say and honestly mean that you would do anything for someone without question except a few things. When you know you would give your life for theirs without thought. When you would sacrifice your happiness, your wants, your needs, your life too give them just one good day. All without asking for anything even if it is not returned. On the other hand I know love means different things for everyone and ones definition usually won’t work for all.

So what is love to you? The fact that you feel bad says that you do care about him. I think you should see a counselor and talk this out with someone that knows all of what you are thinking. I honestly see it from both sides, but I think no matter what you decide to do you really need to define what love is to you. Could you live with yourself knowing you hurt someone you “love”.

Also I don’t see this as a bi issue, I see it as a conforming and what you want issue.
 
What I can see here is a guy who is starting to fall for a guy whom he thought he would never love thus deeply. And now he gets cold feet thinking if he continues to do so, he will no longer get the picket fence that he so dreams of.

Even if you marry a woman and have a kid, it doesn't mean you'll be happy. Your future is only the consequence of what you will decide today.

Do you want it to happen one day where you get married and have 5 kids, but then feel a void in your life?

That void of a loss love?

Would you rather want to see yourself, in the future, pining for a star that would have been yours had you grabbed it in the present?

Literature has a word for that situation--ah...it's called 'a tragic waste of life.'
 
The OP, and all he's saying, seems to prove that bi-guys should be avoided like the plague.

I don't wish him well, and feel sorry for the guy he "says" he loves.

He's all about not disappointing mommy and daddy, and not about himself at all.
 
I mean no offense by this, but considering your age, I wouldn't be surprised if your reasoning concerning your parents changes as you get older.

My parents are extremely homophobic as well but I eventually got to the point I think most gay guys in that situation get to where I realized that my parents opinions mattered exactly zilch in who I chose to live my life with. You are selling your self worth short imo if you really are going to make such a big decision based on that.
 
I just thought I'd throw my two cents in here.


Any sort of relationship has an eventual goal. Even if it's not dating and just hanging out, you're looking for something. Be it a life partner, a fuck buddy, someone to talk to, a friend, or a guy who goes bowling with you once a week, there's an end goal in any relationship.

If you honestly believe your end goal is to marry a woman, then any relationship of a romantic nature should be working towards that goal. Any thing else just isn't healthy for either party involved.

If you really care about him you'll tell him how you feel now. The longer you put if off the deeper you're going to get, and that's going to make it hurt that much worse when the inevitable happens.

I only say this because I honestly don't think you can change what's going to make you happy, and if you truly believe that being with a woman is what it's going to take, then that's what you have to do.

I can only begin to imagine how conflicted and hurt you must be feeling, because of what you're feeling. However, you have to try to put yourself in his shoes. As far as I know (from what you've told us) his goal in a relationship is to find a nice man to be with, and he might already be thinking he has. He could honestly believe he's found what's going to make him happy for the rest of his life. Taking that away is going to hurt him a lot more than it's going to hurt you.


I'm not trying to be mean or hateful, I just think it's most likely not going to end well any way it goes, and putting it off will only make it worse, for both of you.
 
>>>The OP, and all he's saying, seems to prove that bi-guys should be avoided like the plague.

By the same token, judging by the "I want to suck my straight friend's cock" thread in this section, straight guys shouldn't have anything to do with homosexuals, either.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
>>>The OP, and all he's saying, seems to prove that bi-guys should be avoided like the plague.

By the same token, judging by the "I want to suck my straight friend's cock" thread in this section, straight guys shouldn't have anything to do with homosexuals, either.

Lex
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Obviously NineOfClubs just don’t like bi guys. If the OP wouldn’t have said he was bi, but gay and still felt the need to conform, I doubt NineOfClubs would had posted at all. Its not like there has never been a gay man that wanted to conform and marry a woman or even just “up grade” to someone with a bigger dick, smoother chest, or had more height, etc. This is only a bi issue for those that have problems with bisexuals.
 
Let me be clearer.

I have nothing against bi-sexuals. I have bi friends. I've had sex with bi guys.

Only in the realm of close (and closed) sexual relationships should they be avoided.
 
Every actual bi guy I know - and to be honest, there aren't that many, married a woman. This is of course excluding all those gay guys claiming bi – these are the guys who I can confirm actually dated women as well as men.

Are there bi guys out there that didn’t, most likely, but that hasn’t been my experience.

Why? Who knows, love, expedience, kids, all three tossed into one? Doesn’t matter back here in reality, I don’t think it’s really all that surprising that a lot of gay men are leery of bi guys.

Call it what you will, it’s a pretty fiction that love conquers all.
 
I know at least two bi guys who are still with guys after many years. The thing is - people either think they were lying about being bi ("they just couldn't admit they were gay"), or they think it's just a matter of time until they dump their boyfriends for a girl. Lose-lose.

Lex
 
Well at least that first is the fault of the gay men who won't admit they're gay.
 
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