IS it bad to lead on a guy you love...

[KaraBulut]

Thankyou so much.
This really helped, even though its not exactly what I want to hear.

I think I may tell him soon, I think I'd be hurting myself knowing I took a lot of time away from his life.
I don't think he'll think it was wasted though.
I know what we have isn't wasted time.

Wish me luck

edit: i guess you already did haha

It's good that you've decided to tell him that you don't want a permanent long term relationship with a guy.

You're entitled to make your own choices.

And he's entitled to make his choices, too.

 

[Ninja108]

Yes you should tell him. Same advice I'd give to a gay guy. If you'r enot going to stay in a committed long term relationship with him, then tell him now. It's wrong to play with his emotions and have him think you're going to be a possible life partner when you have clearly stated you won't be

 

[spencer]

I can understand how you eventually wanna leave this guy for someone else ("marriage material). I can understand how you want to stay with him.

what I can't understand is that if you love him, you think or plan on leaving him. I mean, you say 4 years down the line. You're gonna love someone (guy or girl) for 4 more years and then just decide to un-love them?

You're going to give up sex with the guy and abandon all feelings for him in an instant.

I'm not saying it's horrible to string someone along, that's your deal. But love is love and if you've found it, why throw it away.

 

[Blatino]

This thread is depressing...

All I know is if I was your boyfriend and you told me all this I would be VERY devastated.

To answer your original question, yes I DO think its bad to lead a guy you love on.

 

[pancake]

This may be assuming things about you, but this is my impression and only my opinion:

Your subconscious , ego, what have you... is chained down by society's and your parents expectations and thus projecting them onto your own expectations... as you hold them to yourself as a standard to meet. When you aren't meeting them you look (in your case toward girls) as feeling happier if you were meeting that standard.
The reason you cant imagine yourself with a guy as a LTR is not because you've had one and actually know (from experience) that its not for you.... its because you have most likely internalized these standards, caused by society , parents, pop culture, etc.

When you learn to free yourself from these chains, it wont matter if the person is a guy or a girl. None of that will even matter.
Make your own path, fuck what others think or say. Live in the present and don't think too far into the future, who knows what will happen tommorow.

Peace

 

[spencer]

I still think you can't really love some one that u know youre going to leave. that's not love, that's convenience. u better pray that the grass is greener cause if you end up marrying some one who u love even slightly less than u think u love your current beau you're in for a world of hurt. u might end up with nobody. can u picture yourself so not with a man so much that if u can't find a woman you're willing to be alone. u talk about the future like u control it and that's dangerous.

 

[spencer]

how can u truly love someone you're planning on dumping anyway? That logic is completely flawed. Explain it to me? I get you're gonna eventually leave him and all but explain how you're gonna turn off love for the guy and take chances with some whom u might not even love as much.

 

[slnattak]

Lead somebody on? Of course that's wrong. Stop asking stupid questions.

Okay. Forget about this guy for a second here.

If you eventually want to marry a woman, why aren't you going out and trying to court girls? Just because you're supposedly in love with this man? (You're 18 years old. Most people have socks older than you are, kid)

But you seem to honestly have your heart set on marrying a woman.

Do you REALLY want to marry a woman or are you just doing it to fit in? If you're just doing it to fit in; that's a stupid reason. You got a little wigged out cause you've been hearing some off-color remarks about gays. Where's your spine, kid? If everybody jumped off a bridge, would you, if everybody did something really stupid - that hurt themselves, just to fit in, would you??? You know, people have *died* that way.

If you really want to marry a woman and you aren't simply internalizing society's prejudices, then go out, court girls. What's stopping ya? It's *your* life. If that's what you want to do, then do it.

You're 18 though. You don't know what you want yet. But the world isn't your little chemistry set. You can't go around using people's hearts just because you haven't figured yourself out yet. Well you can. But when people hate you for it or think you're just an asshole, how can you blame them?

 

[slnattak]

I will add this:

Let's not be naive here folks.

He could have very well *already* cheated on this man, and could be feeling like shit for it. How often have we met men that thought they were entitled to use men just for sex? He could be a typical gay man on the internet just using other guys for sex. Repeatedly.

I don't like believing the worst in people. However I'm also a realist. And here you are Mr. 18 year old, worried about how *You* are feeling- when it's the other man's emotions that are more at stake here.

You have a lot of work to do, at any rate.

Treating somebody decently really isn't that hard.

 

[rareboy]

I agree with the idea of seeking therapy.