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  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Is it harder to come out...

>>>Doubt it'll actually happen, though.

Perhaps your chances at happiness aren't that great
Bur where you are now, it would appear your chances are slim to none.

Again, are you willing to try?

Lex
 
Why not ask your sister to be there with you when you tell your parents?

They have to see that you are desperately unhappy and anti-social and at this point it might help them have a better understanding of the source of your devastating depression.
 
Of course - it's never compulsory to 'come out' and not necessarily appropriate in every situation. It may be that your prevarication about coming out is simply a distraction from more pertinent issues in your life.

I get the impression you're 28 and still living at home. Are you? And if so, why?
 
Yes, I still live at home.

I can't afford to move out, and I doubt I would even if I could, because I have severe doubts about my ability to survive on my own. The one time I tried was when I went to uni, and that ended in disaster.
 
I'm curious how you'd answer this.

What is the ONE thing that you think is the biggest impediment to you moving forward, in all aspects of your life? In short, thinking about the various aspects of your life that ARE changeable - you're stuck with your looks, for instance, so that doesn't count - what change do you think would move you furthest ahead of where you are now?

Lex
 
I've only come out to about a handful of people. I don't have many friends, but I guess I prefer it that way. The first person I came out to was probably the hardest. Not saying that coming out to others have been easy, but having done it has put me in a rather comfortable position. No shocked reactions. No abandonments. Just, "Yea I kinda figured." Very anticlimactic considering what I put myself through prior.

I'm still living at home too but I have yet to tell any of my family. They would probably say the same thing too, but I'm very private about my personal life with them so I don't really feel the need to tell them.

In the end it's really what you're comfortable with. Go at your own speed. But you know, making progress isn't easy. Eventually you're going to have to put yourself in a position that's uncomfortable to get anywhere. It's just a matter of how badly you want to make something happen.
 
Don't be sorry. I'm posting here because I want to help. Believe it or not, some of us here do care about more than just porn. :)

I'd like to help, if you'll let me. I should state that I'm not interested in anything but helping you out. (In short, I've got a boyfriend, we're both quite happy, and I don't need anything on the side. :) ) We can either post here, or use PMs here, or IM, or whatever forum you think might work easiest for you.

I'd like to ask you some questions - some of the stuff you might not feel comfortable sharing in a public forum, so do keep that in mind. I'd like to see if we can figure out where the main problems are, and maybe we can come up with some ways where you can make some progress forward. Because I think you can do so. It might look hopeless, but I'm not convinced of that yet. :)

Would you be willing to try?

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Nothing's harder than the first one, WK. After the first one, it just keeps getting easier - whether you've got one or ten or a hundred to tell. :)

Lex
Click to expand...

I agree,and i realised,while i was telling to people,that after you have told it to certain amount of people,it will reach a "critical mass";i mean,that the rest of the people are going to find out any day now,so i might tell it to everybody anyway.

I hope this makes sense...:-)
 
Chrizze said:
I agree,and i realised,while i was telling to people,that after you have told it to certain amount of people,it will reach a "critical mass";i mean,that the rest of the people are going to find out any day now,so i might tell it to everybody anyway.

I hope this makes sense...:-)
Click to expand...

I don't have anyone to tell except my parents. And I don't exactly lead a "gay lifestyle" because I don't lead any sort of lifestyle at all.

And yes, my black dogs are barking. You can tell, can't you?
 
Aren't we always back where we start?

Isn't it time to get serious therapeutic help instead of finding innumerable ways to negate all the positive suggestions and feedback you receive from people posting to your threads?

Please, please , please, for the sake of your parents and the possibility of living a full and emotionally healthy existence, please search out some mental health support. You are suffering from the most insidious clinical depression and yet seem to be obstinate about pursuing any course of action that might help.

Eventually, you may have no choice but to receive help, because it is one thing for a black dog to bark, but another when it bites.
 
For the record, I was in your shoes a few years ago. I was DEEP in the closet and I even made a personal vow to live my life (without having any sort of romantic relationships) and without telling a soul. I was extremely depressed and I felt so alone. Luckily my parents gave me a nudge out of the closet. I've since come out to a few more people and it's done wonders for my spirit.

So no matter how hard and impossible it may seem, you've got to find a way to eventually tell them. Chances are it won't be as bad as you think. They may already know and they're waiting for you to come clean about it. Parents know their kids better than you think. And even if there is an initial shock, it WILL get better with time. Besides, life is too short to live it for others. You have to do what makes you happy. Best of luck to you. I'm rooting for ya.
 
For those of you who are perhaps newer around here, WK pretty much uses JUB as a place for complaining about his life and how he refuses to change it. Maybe he's looking for pity--I don't know.

Like others before, your advice might as well fall on deaf ears. At some point, he needs to accept that he only has one life and is the only one with the power to change it (or at least seek out somebody to help him change it).

I hate to be such a meanie, but there are a few JUBbers who fall into this extremely negative and hopeless category. What they need more than anything is professional help--something none of us here can provide.
 
I offered my hand to him in case he chose to take it.

He said he'd try.

We've exchanged a couple PMs. Small steps. But steps nonetheless. Hopefully, we can continue.

Lex
 
I don't doubt that you are a good guy who wants to help Lex, but I suppose I just get annoyed with attention whoring followed by inaction. :confused:
 
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