Is it just me, or are on-line gay dating sites a joke?

[RavenCWG]

I'm sorry about this, but I just need to vent...

In a previous thread, I wrote a little about my situation and the lack of opportunities to meet other gay guys where I live. As I stated there, I'm 37 y/o, and haven't been on a date or anything in more then 10 years. I have no gay friends; in fact, I don't even know any other gay guys at all anymore. The nearest gay clubs, etc., are over a hundred miles away (and even there the choices are very limited), and that is simply too far away for them to be of any practical use to me. I can't afford to move there or to any large city...I just do not have the financial means.

So lately, out of desperation, I have signed up with several on-line gay dating sites in the hope that I could possibly meet someone that way. But after almost a month, I've had no better luck there then I have meeting people where I live. I have yet to find even one person on any of those sites who lives less then 500 miles from where I am. Nevertheless, I tried over and over again to message different guys (regardless of location) that I think are cute and/or have interesting profiles, but I can't get anyone to reply. The only guys who have shown any interest at all are guys who are in like their 50's and 60's...which is like the polar opposite of what I am looking for. I'm getting to the point where I can't help but wonder if I'm really that unattractive and uninteresting that no one wants anything to do with me?

All I know is I'm so frustrated, so depressed and so sick of being lonely! I don’t want to alone the rest of my life…but I've run out of options.

 

[Toosmarttobehappy]

First, I want to say that I understand how frustrating it can be. I am right around your age, have been single for two plus years, live about 100 miles from the nearest gay bar, and really am not in a point in my life where I can move to the big city.

You say that you are messaging different guys within a 500 mile radius from where you live that you find attractive? Are these much younger guys, like College aged, or are they hot guys in their 30's? The reason I ask is that sometimes we may set our sights too high, i.e. the hot college muscle stud, and then get disappointed when they don't respond to us.

Do you have a pic up on these websites? That could be a barrier and reason why you are not getting much response either.

This may not be very helpful, but it's something I have learned as a gay man in my late 30's: The sex part is easy (or used to be), but the dating and relationship part is MUCH harder to find and keep.

 

[vidarr]

You're not alone.. Everyone fears going through life alone.

I've had some luck with dating sites in the past. Being online most of the day it suits me.
When I email someone I always try to find something interesting about them and talk about it. I avoid stating the obvious like "you're hot."

Online dating can really be hit or miss..
It's good that you are looking for people outside your area.
I've met a good number of interesting people that way, just by a simple "Hi, wanna chat?" sometimes

 

[RavenCWG]

First, I want to say that I understand how frustrating it can be. I am right around your age, have been single for two plus years, live about 100 miles from the nearest gay bar, and really am not in a point in my life where I can move to the big city.

It does sound like you really are in very much the same boat as I am. Sucks, doesn't it!

You say that you are messaging different guys within a 500 mile radius from where you live that you find attractive? Are these much younger guys, like College aged, or are they hot guys in their 30's? The reason I ask is that sometimes we may set our sights too high, i.e. the hot college muscle stud, and then get disappointed when they don't respond to us.

I'm not messaging guys WITHIN a 500 mile radius. What I mean is that there are no guys on those sites closer then that...most are even further away. Don't get me wrong, it would be nice to have someone to chat with online about things; but let's be honest, I'm not really looking for a pen-pal, what I really want is a real live, flesh-and-blood person to hang out with, someone to go places and do things with, and to just spend time with. Of course I would prefer having a boyfriend, but just having a gay friend(s) would be a welcome change too.

As for what kinds of guys I am messaging...it depends on WHY I am messaging them...whether it's because I am attracted to them and could see myself dating them, or simply because they seem nice and I share common interests with them. The former, do tend to be fairly specific types of guys (As I stated in my earlier post, I am pretty much exclusively attracted to young, boyish, 18 to 20-something y/o guys. I'm not really into the "muscle stud" jock types per say. The small, thin, twink-ish guys are more my type. I'm not attracted to older, more masculine looking guys at all; and I find very few 30-somethings "hot" no matter how good looking they might be. For me it's not a matter of being "picky" or "setting my sights too high", I'm simply attracted to what I am attracted to; I can no more change that then I can change being gay.), but the latter can be almost any kind of guy, without regard to age or appearance. But to be totally honest, I haven't had much luck getting either to respond to me.

Do you have a pic up on these websites? That could be a barrier and reason why you are not getting much response either.

Yes, I do have a picture up on these sites. I also have taken the time to put lots of good information in my profile about myself, my interests, my hobbies, etc. to try to "sell" myself and to make myself sound as friendly and interesting as possible.

This may not be very helpful, but it's something I have learned as a gay man in my late 30's: The sex part is easy (or used to be), but the dating and relationship part is MUCH harder to find and keep.

Agreed! But then again, you have no chance of having either as long as you are alone.

 

[SuprSonic]

Chances are you are to the 20-somethings what the 50-something's are to you.

Twinky 20-somethings tend to go for other twinky 20-somethings.

 

[palemale]

Twinky 20-somethings tend to go for other twinky 20-somethings.

Ahem, they also like lean muscular, 50 yr old guys with hairy chests sometimes. At least they do in NYC. Horny little buggers.

 

[RavenCWG]

pretty much this, and the distance thing.

if I get messaged by a guy who lives +500 miles away, I probably wouldn't bother responding, because what's the point? I've already got plenty of e-friends and that kinda distance isn't really conducive to building a relationship on.

hell, I don't even respond to guy's who live east of the east river

And that is exactly my point. I have tried searching on all the sites that I have joined so far, trying to find somebody, anybody (and not just for the kinds of guys that I'm attracted to) even remotely close to where I live, and there is no one...not a single person.

When you live somewhere were there simply aren't many other gay people, there are no places to meet the few that do happen to live there, all on-line attempts to find anyone fails, and you can't afford to move, what else can you do? The answer, unfortunately, is that there is nothing more I can do. Is it any wonder I am so frustrated and depressed? Even if someday by chance I do finally happen to stumble across another gay guy here, there is no guarantee that just because we are both gay that he and I would be compatible even as friends, let alone as potential lovers. And when you factor in the inherent problems of being an older guy who only physically attracted to much younger guys...

 

[RhyRhy]

When you live somewhere were there simply aren't many other gay people, there are no places to meet the few that do happen to live there, all on-line attempts to find anyone fails, and you can't afford to move, what else can you do?

Where do you live at? If you don't feel comfortable posting it here, pm me or add me on facebook at facebook.com/brokebackduramax

 

[Toosmarttobehappy]

Ok, Raven, I just read your other thread.It was very interesting and insightful

Not sure what to tell you other than the fact that where you live, your situation with your family, and your attraction to young,yet legal twinks is going to put a damper on any sort of dating/relationship happening .

That being said, you seem like a nice, articulate guy, and I wish you the best of luck!

 

[scooter63]

One thing that I found out about the online dating sites are that if you are not a paid member and support them, your profile appears in the listings but you do not get any mail from other people. Instead, you get an email from the company telling you that you have been checked out, that someone finds you attractive, or that someone has sent you mail. But, in order to find any of that out or to read the email, you have join and become a supporting member once again, at probably roughly $150 buck a year. Many people have tried it and found that the money spent doesn't equate to a good benefit for the money so they drop the membership but keep the profile on there. But in order to find anything out they have to spend the additional money and they choose not to, and especially in hard economic times they don't see it being a priority over a place to sleep or food on the table or gas in the tank to get to a job.