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Is It Just Me?

C

Cognition

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Perhaps I'm being a bit too self-conscious.

I usually hang out (by myself) in an area in Dallas, Texas called Uptown like the bookstore and Starbucks at West Village, and I notice something that has been troubling me somewhat.

Maybe it's just in my head, but I get this overwhelming sense that when I walk into establishments like Borders or Starbucks in this mostly gay area of town, that I'm not welcome.

Is it because I'm black? Am I'm unattractive or something? Why do the employees who work at these establishments so cordial with me?

Guys, what do you think?
 
youngnihilist said:
What do they do that makes you think that?
Click to expand...

Well, I do notice that caucasian patrons are treated better as in being more personal with them.

When I walk into a place, there's this sense of disgust and guards up attitude present.
 
You said they were cordial? As in polite and respectful toward you?

If you're a black man encountering white individuals, then more or not, it's white people being too caught up in their passive racism (and the fear of being perceived as being racist all while worrying that they may be racist when they don't believe they are) to realize that all they need to do is chill out and be friendly and nothing will happen.

Chalk it up to unnecessary white guilt rather than white acceptance of the social dynamic at large and just be as friendly as you'd like them to be. Slowly but surely, some of them will come to see that they have nothing to be worried about if they just relax and treat you like every other person the way you do.
 
Sometimes you get what you put out---are you friendly and talkative?
 
Perhaps you are too good looking? Or like others have said perhaps you are also giving off a vibe. I always feel left out like you if I'm by myself in a gay establishment. I'm normally also ignored by the staff as well though and I'm white in a white area. I'd just be grateful for the good service, or make a joke of it and tell whoever if being too helpful that the service there is really excellent.
 
Maybe you AREN'T welcome. Maybe the appearance of a gay black man in a gay white man's establishment knocks them for a loop, and challenges their preconceived notions of what a homosexual is and isn't.

The real question is - what are you going to do about it? You can stop going. Or you can go and continue to challenge their notions. But you're going to have to take the lead. If they're more chatty with Whitey, you can't sit back and wait for them to realize this. Force their hand. Chat with THEM. In a friendly way. Eventually, you'll become a regular, and they'll be chatting with you, as well.

Lex
 
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