Is it Just Me?

[Tomruyssss]

Recently made a connection with an old bud I knew in highschool. We knew of eachother talked a lil back in the day but not really conisidered friends. Recently we reconnected and decided to hangout. We hit it off and we really have a ton of fun together and have a good connection. I'm out now so he knew from my facebook, I heard rumours about him but never believed them fully, until he came out to me on night. Long story short we're the kind of buddys that are buds all day long that once in a while help eachother out in that department. We're both bi and have no intention of getting together in a relationship together. But there are some things going on that make me feel weird about our friendship. hes 23 im 21 almost 22

1.I have to pick him up around the corner from where he lives because of his mom doesnt want people picking him up n off supposedly (had a criminal past but is 100 changed n back on track) but people picking him up n stuff all the time makes her uncomfortable and causes them problems

2.I told him Ive been wanting to go to the movies and he said the only way he'd go is if we brought two girls with us. I'm like who cares though, I just wanna see a movie, I'm not tryna wine and dine some girl when I'm not really in the mood to deal with all that even if its casual. Its just less stress going ourselves.

3.I wanted to eat at chinese across town, said we cant go there cuz a girl he likes is there and doesnt work there in the evenings so we had to go to a different place that he wanted to go to

4.I stopped messing around with him sexually because last time he spent the night and i tried to cuddle with him when we went to sleep, and he was like no no no, which I understand he probably was scared that my mom would catch us but my mom already knows about me so she wouldnt care idk

5.Sometimes we;ll talk on facebook so ill say im going to bed n if i dont get off facebook right away after that hes blowing me up saying "i thought you were going to bed" and shit


To me I just feel like he's embarassed of me or something. I'm not flamboyant gay, I'm bi and out but im not in your face. He's my bud but if he keeps acting like this, I'm bout to cut him out of my life completely. Is it just me overreacting or what. We have a good connection and have fun and like eachother alot as friends. idk whats up with him

 

[orton86]

You are not overreacting. He obviously is afraid of people suspecting he's gay.

If he really wants you, he'll pursue you.

 

[medic1]

^Agreed. The issues are his to deal with, from your post it would seem that he is content being in the closet. Though just a word of caution, do not play mind-games, or get involved in any with him.

 

[Seasoned]

He's not embarrassed of you; he's embarrassed to be bi or gay. He's actually more than embarrassed. He seems paranoid. Until he's ok with himself he's going to keep acting like this.

 

[Georgiadude]

Agree with everyone above. The odds of him changing are slim. Especially in the short term. I'd move along. Keep communication open but don't expect anything different out of him. Stop messing around. You're only going to get more frustrated and send him mixed signals. I'd slowly pull back cut out the sex and texting. Find someone that's out and I guarantee you'll be happier

Steven

 

[KaraBulut]

There's a fine line between being bi and being a closet case. Your friend is acting more like a closet case who is not completely comfortable with who he is.

If you're happy with the situation overall, you can wait him out to see if he becomes more comfortable with who he is.

If you're not happy with the situation overall, then maybe its time to find someone who isn't so afraid of what other people think... and maybe someone who is less afraid of his own shadow.

 

[maxpowr9]

This is why I don't date closet cases. There is too much unnecessary drama associated with the whole situation and leads to terrible anxiety. Especially if they're adults and a closet case, I chalk it up as someone with low self-esteem which is just another strike against them.

You're welcome to stay his friend, but if you have feelings for him, I'd dump him unless you want toil in misery while waiting for him to come around.

 

[Tomruyssss]

He's not embarrassed of you; he's embarrassed to be bi or gay. He's actually more than embarrassed. He seems paranoid. Until he's ok with himself he's going to keep acting like this.

Yeah this makes sense. The weiredest thing about the whole situation is when I told him about how badly my dad reacted when he found out, my friend went on a whole rant saying how being bi is normal and we were born like that and all kinds of stuff. Sounds like he needs to listen to his own advice.

Also whats crazy back in highschool he messed around with the most flamboyant and out in your face gay kid in the school and the gay guy told everybody bout my friend including my best female friend and her family who are related to him. It's just sad how everybody already knows and yet hes afraid to say and live in his truth. It was a struggle for me but I started coming out when I was 18-19 and even then it felt like I took forever to do it. Yeah I'm just gonna cut back off on our friendship. I don't need someone that is on that level of paranoia over being thought of as gay/bi -_-. I've had plenty of str8 guys who I was really good/ close friends with and we did everything together and no one ever called us gay or anything. it's 2014 not 1954

 

[Rolyo85]

My rule is "closeted = no". I don't know what your circumstances are and I don't care if you have a good reason to be closeted, or not. I am not gonna date you, not gonna have sex with you, I won't even be your friend. I struggled too much to get out of my closet, like hell am I going to be dragged into yours...

I know it sounds harsh, but adopting a similar attitude will save you a loooooot of grief down the road.

 

[HunterM]

Drop him like a hot potato! He's too high maintenance...drama ensues. He does not respect you.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

"Is It Me?"

No. It's not you. It's definitely HIM and his issues.