Is it more than just a stare?

[nitrogen]

Ok, there's this guy in church, yes, church and we keep on staring at each other. and not just the simple look.

It started last summer, after the mass ended I was outside and there was this guy inside the car looking at me, it was him. I thought he was pretty cute too but during that time I didn't really care.

The next masses until now I always catch a glimpse of him looking at me and every now and then I also look at him. We don't always see each other though, sometimes we don't see each other for two sunday's, 4 sunday's maximum.

It wasn't until yesterday when I really felt something. I am always standing on the same spot every mass and him too. He's on the right side while I'm on the left. Yesterday as I went in and just stood there I noticed him look at me, I just ignored it for a few minutes then I look. Look again, look again, it goes on and on. The he looked at me again and then I suddenly looked and he was looking at me then he suddenly looked away. I was like laughing inside my head after that.

So yeah, should I talk to him? I know he's older than me so I want him to talk to me first. and honestly sometimes i just feel like, if we did talk, it can't happen, no one knows I'm gay, except probably him and the people on the internet and it would make my life so complicated. Siiighh,,,, I wonder what's gonna happen next Sunday.

and i really find it strange how a total stranger kinda knows that i have a gay side. and both of us are really masculine looking so you'll never suspect it.

 

[dexyboi86]

Approach him!
Don't immediately go into gay mode, just say 'Howdy'. Say you have noticed him and he seems like a guy around your age. See if he wants to go hang out or something. Just as friends.

Then see what happens

 

[nitrogen]

^ well we are at the same age, kinda.

and it's just that we're in church with our family, i dnt know how to approach him... maybe i should just stop looking and give him the sign that i'm not interested, and less things for me to think about lol.

 

[sixthson]

It's not the priest, is it? Sorry.

Should you talk to him? Certainly. Start by saying "Hi".
You don't have to tell him you're gay and attracted to him until you at least said that. You don't know for sure what
he's thinking about you at this point.
Approach him like someone you'd like to have as a friend.
See how he responds to you. Just because it would be easier for you to make him think you are not gay, doesn't make it
a good thing. It could be the start of a beautiful relationship.

Let us know what happens.

 

[123kid]

i myself am a fan of the simple "wink" leaves the door completely open either way. just a thought

 

[FabFairy]

You should try standing next to him you on the left and him on the right tho.

You don't need to talk straight away just see what happens if he is interested he will probably make the first move. If he doesn't keep standing next to him and make a move in a few weeks or so.

 

[Blueyes]

does he usually sit in a certain spot or area in the church? maybe you could take his spot or sit closer to him

 

[nitrogen]

It's not the priest, is it? Sorry.

Should you talk to him? Certainly. Start by saying "Hi".
You don't have to tell him you're gay and attracted to him until you at least said that. You don't know for sure what
he's thinking about you at this point.
Approach him like someone you'd like to have as a friend.
See how he responds to you. Just because it would be easier for you to make him think you are not gay, doesn't make it
a good thing. It could be the start of a beautiful relationship.

Let us know what happens.

It's definitely not the priest LOL. but like another problem is i'm not really gay and all and the fact that if I start something with him, i'll be so new with the total gay thing that it's kinda scary.

does he usually sit in a certain spot or area in the church? maybe you could take his spot or sit closer to him

he stands on a certain spot and we always have good views from each other, except when there's a lot of people. sometimes i catch a glimpse of him trying to find me in the crowd.

Drop him hints....like others said, approach him more. If you can then sit beside him or closer to him during mass. Bump into him or brush against him when you're near him.

Does he go anywhere after Mass? If he does then show up at the same place by "accident".....just to see if he'll give you that same attention outside of church.

You don't have to initiate an open relationship by just doing that. I'm still in the closet myself (except for a couple friends and the net) but that never stops me from testing out the types I think are flirting with me.

i'm not as old as you guys think lol, i still go with my family and so does he so i can't just separate and be all like, oh i'm following this guy. hehe. and i think me looking back at him is a big hint, but i dnt knw, maybe his glances mean nothing. I'm not even sure if the guy's gay, well he doesn't look like it. I just assumed that maybe he was since he keeps on looking at me. Wow, this is more complicated than I thought.



Thanks for all your help everybody!

 

[dfwjacker]

Well, honestly... At church, with your family is probably not a good place to find out if he is interested in you. Both of you are going it be awkward because of the location and proximity to your families. So, I doubt he would be confirming interest in you in that setting even if he is interested.

Your best bet would be to catch him after mass and see if you can find out his name and where he goes to school. Make something up, say that he looks familiar and you think you've seen him somewhere other than church. Maybe you can at least get to the point where you can talk outside of church and out of your family's earshot. Then you can find out if there is some interest, get his number, etc... Just remember you're probably going to continue to see him and his family at church, so if he doesn't show interest, don't push it any further or things could get really awkward for you.

 

[tallguy297]

but like another problem is i'm not really gay and all and the fact that if I start something with him, i'll be so new with the total gay thing that it's kinda scary.

Hey Nitrogen,

Mate.... its hard sometimes but you need to take one step at a time.

This guy could be your new best friend... he could be a guy that you spend time with, hang with, a life long buddy. He doesn't have to be the first guy you shag or do anything intimate with. He doesn't even have to be gay... although I think thats against the odds...

We all started somewhere...and having a bud who we can talk to, relate to, share with and learn from can be the greatest thing in life. And again its not about being gay... those people in our lives are always valuable.

This guy wants to meet you. He wants to say hi but hes battling the same fears that you are...so already you have common ground. And mate, you don't have a whole conversation played out in your head because trust me it will never happen that way. Just say Hi to him... as simple as that. Ask him how long hes been coming to church...does he like the sermons or do they put him to sleep? Chances are he'll be nervous too... but thats your out. When you both feel the same nerves you can both be forgiven for being clumsy to start with.

Just approach him as a friend...not a lover. Theres no pressure in friends... theres no need to fear a new mate. Chances are you stand to gain in your life someone who understands and relates to you... let the future play out as it will.

Its only as complicated as you make it Nitrogen.... so don't make it that way.

Go make a new friend...worry bout the details later! Good luck mate - but I doubt you'll need it!

 

[nitrogen]

thank you so much guys, u were really helpful, i'm glad i went here.