Is it normal?

[RMG8710]

Hey, I've always been a fan and just now decided to sign up. I didn't accept I was gay until December of 2012 and didn't start looking until June of 2013. I always am safe but noticed that I would not be able to cum from being blown or topping or bottoming. Is this something that is normal?

I mean I think it might be that I just get so nervous to perform and maybe that has something to do with it. I've only slept with two guys and never could cum with either of them. I have no problems when it comes to jerking off but I feel disappointed when I don't finish while having sex. I feel fulfilled after bottoming but one guy expressed he thought he wasn't pleasing me enough because I didn't cum so I thought I would ask. I am just confused about this.

 

[eastofeden]

It could be a control issue...

I have heard alot of guys say they can only cum while jacking off and using fantasy and can't translate that to reality.

In fantasy..you get to control all the variables.

I am not certain this is the issue by any means...just donating my initial thought for you to consider.

 

[HunterM]

It could be "performance anxiety." Some guys can just bang it out with anyone they're attracted to for a quicky; other guys need to connect at an emotional level in order to cum.

A solution could be watching porn together (on your smart phone or on computer) that turns you on. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

How long have you dated these two guys? Were you attracted to them physically and emotionally?

 

[aaggii]

You got accustomed to jerking off. Try and do it less and less until actual sex becomes the main sexual relation. The fear is not helping either, so you can find a sexual partner who you can talk to about this and knows what to expect and how to help you.

 

[KaraBulut]

It's a common complaint for guys who are inexperienced and don't have a consistent sex partner. It's usually a mixture of things- performance anxiety, the inability of your partner to "find your spots" and the fact that until now, you've probably been masturbating to porn (which is not like having sex with a real person).

Getting a regular boyfriend or fuckbuddy is helpful since it will help lessen some of the anxiety of having someone new. Also, don't be a afraid of talking about the elephant in the room- that guys can't usually make you come and that you often have to finish yourself off. And instead of stressing out about it, think of ways to make jacking yourself off hot- like straddling your partner's hips and shooting all over his chest... or giving him a facial.

Over time, you can let him get more and more involved until you reach a point where his hand instead of your own is what makes you come.

 

[RMG8710]

I really appreciate all of the advice I dated each guy for a couple weeks and maybe it does have to do with learning my spots. I remember one guy if would just start feeling amazing while bottoming and he would finish and leave me wanting more. I like the idea of straddling him while jerking or giving him a facial I need to find a regular fuckbuddy but don't really know how to get that to happen haha!

 

[orton86]

Wonderful advice, KaraBulut!

Back in the day, I was just like RMG8710. It took me a few times around the block to get accustom to having sex.

Once you get in a groove, you'll cum like crazy. Trust me...

 

[bruce379]

you can always make yourself cum jerking off. but aside from that, sex with another person is also psychological.

if i'm not into a guy, i couldn't get hard even if he blows me (coming from experience)

not everyone can make a guy cum by giving him a blowjob. you'd have to have some skill as a cocksucker to do that.

fucking a guy can be mechanical sometimes. don't expect that he can make you cum if a minimum of chemistry is not there.

 

[HunterM]

not everyone can make a guy cum by giving him a blowjob. you'd have to have some skill as a cocksucker to do that.

Why, thank you Bruce! My reputation precedes me.

 

[TX-Beau]

I agree, getting a guy off by blowing him can be a grueling observational procedure. If you don't know the guy, it can be difficult.

 

[RMG8710]

I really appreciate all of the support and advice for sure! I am so surprised by the amount of advice I've gotten on here. Everyone has been so nice to take time to read my post and reply. It means a lot to me to know I'm not the only one with this problem and for others to help give solutions

 

[Seasoned]

I can remember many times when I had been ready to vim only to have the guy change his technique and I'd edge instead and it was like starting over. Also, I have always had a difficult time cumming when feeling pressured or rushed to do so.