Is It OK To Date More Than 1 Guy At Once?

[Frosty]

I'm new to dating and don't really know how it works. Do you date many guys and see who you connect with then pick one or are you supposed to only date one guy and if that doesn't work you move on to the next guy?

I'm not talking about being in a relationship with someone. I've been on a few dates with this one guy and we don't consider ourselves being in a relationship but we do consider ourselves dating. I know he's dated more than one guy at a time in the past but don't know if he's dating anyone else now. I know he said that when he is in a relationship with someone, he likes it to be monogamous so I don't know. I'm not sure how he'd feel if I dated another guy. There's another guy I sort of have my eye on and might not get a chance to be with if I don't go for him now but it's sort of weird thinking about dating 2 guys at once. Is this a regular thing people do? Do people usually date more than one guy at a time or not?

 

[Nomenclature]

It's okay to date a few people until you find someone you connect with, but once you connect with someone you should stay with that person to see where it goes.

Otherwise, you're just a player.

 

[Seasoned]

It seems society has moved into serial dating, meaning on guy at at time. To my mind, that is not really dating. I still believe that dating should be used for the purpose of seeing whether further committment is desirable. I'm for dating multiple guys at the same time, but this needs to be discussed with those you are dating.

 

[hylas]

i date several guys at a time all the time, and i think thats not unexpected. but just to make sure that noone gets hurt, i mention it on the second date ("hey, just so you know, im also seeing other guys, you ok with that?") if you are confused, you should first make up your mind what you want (experiment with several guys? become exclusive?) and then bluntly ask your guy ("hey, are we exclusive?")

 

[AlmondMilk]

I agree with being blunt. IT makes things easier and less for you to guess if you're now exclusive in his mind or whatnot. Guessing games suck!

 

[Sam Blum]

You need to be honest with yourself and if you're still not really into a guy after several dates then decide why you are continuing to go out with him.

Dating another guy at the same time is another issue. Done secretively it is hurtful & deceptive & ironically usually found out, and frankly it is rude. Asking the first guy whether he minds if you see another guy at the same time should be done only if you really are willing not to see another guy at the same time, and in a manner that suggests that you are willing to be monogamous. If his answer were 'no' & that leads you to stop going out with him, then you shouldn't ask the question of him, but only of yourself, and then discontinue dating before asking, citing 'an inability to keep it in your pants' or 'neediness to trade up whilst still having a bloke on hand just in case' as the reason. If his answer is 'no' & at some point in the future you do double up, you will knowingly be acting expressly against his wishes & setting him up to be even more hurt. Don't people consider these games as cruel?

 

[Adrock-JD]

Do whatever you want.

If it becomes known that you date more than one guy at a time, though, you won't exactly be picking from the 'high self esteem' pool. So I wouldn't get too attached if I were you.

 

[BearMagus]

I would say there is a difference between casual dating and having a boyfriend. I don't see how it matters if the other person knows unless the other person is wanting more than you are from the relationship. I would only caution to avoid places where you could run into someone else.....might be too awkward. Then again it could turn into a hot three way.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

Love ta have sex with you and you and you and you doopy doop do do and already is anyway

I read your post and it very specific just say you still not wrap up ya heart for another and might make other guy more fire up ta win ya

hope work out is a complicated and no easy matter give advice in words and what frame your world be in

If they grounded deep it easy but also depend on how much life you know

sweet times!

 

[hylas]

Asking the first guy whether he minds if you see another guy at the same time should be done only if you really are willing not to see another guy at the same time, and in a manner that suggests that you are willing to be monogamous. If his answer were 'no' & that leads you to stop going out with him, then you shouldn't ask the question of him, but only of yourself, and then discontinue dating before asking, citing 'an inability to keep it in your pants'

i disagree. i like screwing around and i dont have any interest in being monogamous. i think there is nothing wrong with that, although i make sure i let the guys i see know early on because i know not everybody feels that way. but im not gonna ask my date whether im allowed to see other guys or not. im simply gonna inform him that i will see other guys. and if hes bothered by that, then were obviously no good match and should break it off.

 

[Sam Blum]

What do you disagree with? What you've suggested is another situation altogether, as you say you are up-front and state at the outset that you are likely to screw around - that's different from going out a number of times and then asking your date for a position on multiple partners which you may then ignore the response to anyway, showing disregard for his feelings, or going behind his back to play around. I'm not saying that multiple partners are always unacceptable - I'm saying that the propostion that Frosty puts is dodgy and rude.

 

[LiveForLove]

I don't understand why anyone would want or need to date more than one guy at the same time.

 

[G-Lexington]

I know guys who consider it a waste of an evening if they're not FUCKING two guys at the same time. In the same bed or not. Full disclosure or no.

There are no rules. Do what feels comfortable for you. If you want to "be monogamous" during a year worth of hand holding, do that. If you want to fuck his roommate on the way out the door after your first night with him, do that.

Lex

 

[hylas]

sam: i guess i was making a more general point, while you were thinking more specifically about the op's situation. i guess it also depends on how you interpret the "few dates" the op's talkin bout.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

If you are new to dating and are looking for a suitable partner, you must entertain many possibilities. You should keep your options open. Exclusivity can come later, after you've tested the waters. And while you're out there looking for new men and boys, be sure to show some skin so that people can see you're on the market.

 

[Purplebic]

When it comes to young guys, it goes one of two ways after the first night.

A) he wakes up and says "who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my apartment"
B) you're already in a relationship and he's lending you one of his rings, two weeks later he's talking about getting engaged.

 

[Speeds]

Of course it's not okay. If you're seeing this wonderful guy that you really really like, would you be okay if he cheats on you with another guy?

 

[Treborf]

Until you're officially exclusive, meaning you've actually had the talk, you're free to date as many guys as you want.

 

[crowboy]

Interesting question.

I think it depends on a number of things. Including what is defined as a date.

I am new to "dating" myself. I have started to meet a number of guys. I do not know if what I am doing is considered dating. I meet them online, we chat, we meet for coffee, or a drink or go to dinner. It is meeting as "friends". Is what I'm doing dating?

I am open and honest with those I meet. I do not want to lead any one on. I meet guys as friends and we will see where things go from there. Should I eventually find the right guy (and I do hope to) I will not continue to see other guys.

In the mean time however I have found it far too depressing to just do one at a time. I also however find juggling too many to be a problem. I just want a happy medium, see a few "friends" at a time. If one drops off as we do not connect, then I can meet another.

Nothing wrong with it, if you are being open and honest up front in my book.

Good luck to the OP. I hope you find someone special ...... you and me both hey.

 

[Frosty]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I got a lot of good advice and different opinions.

Interesting question.

I think it depends on a number of things. Including what is defined as a date.

I am new to "dating" myself. I have started to meet a number of guys. I do not know if what I am doing is considered dating. I meet them online, we chat, we meet for coffee, or a drink or go to dinner. It is meeting as "friends". Is what I'm doing dating?

I am open and honest with those I meet. I do not want to lead any one on. I meet guys as friends and we will see where things go from there. Should I eventually find the right guy (and I do hope to) I will not continue to see other guys.

In the mean time however I have found it far too depressing to just do one at a time. I also however find juggling too many to be a problem. I just want a happy medium, see a few "friends" at a time. If one drops off as we do not connect, then I can meet another.

Nothing wrong with it, if you are being open and honest up front in my book.

Good luck to the OP. I hope you find someone special ...... you and me both hey.

I agree with everything you said. Good luck to you too!