is it ok?????

[Berber of Seville]

to be in the closet for the rest of your life? My parents come from a backwards country and they will not understand what im going through, plus they want to see me married in my mid and late 20s. I was thinking about moving out first, and then just doing my own thing (school and career) and just ignore their conversations about marriage. i can never tell them cause i can already predict whats going to happen. i was thinking maybe i should just be in the closet for them for the rest of my life, right?

 

[hotatlboi]

I think you should ignore what your parents want and live your own life. I had to make the same choice not long ago and I do not regret it one bit. Whether you ever come out to them is your choice, but do what you want not what they expect or want of you.

 

[Bruski-101]

In the end it is your choice.My mom(whom has passed)told me directly that don't ask don't tell is the way it was to be.Man she was controlling but unfortunatly didn't get what i could have given her because of it.

 

[G-Lexington]

You can be out of the closet without coming out to your parents. They'll probably know - or suspect - as the years go on, but if they (and you) want to keep it a great unspoken between you, that's your call.

...and your user name has put this damn song in my head.



Yes...you're next.
You're...so next.

Lex

 

[hotatlboi]

...and your user name has put this damn song in my head.

lmao, that cartoon was exactly what I first thought of when saw his name.

 

[rotary]

My parents condemn everyone who "sins", especially gay people, so it was extremely hard for me to come out to them and deal with the family disruptions that were caused. The relationship between my mother and I will never be the same, but I'd rather live my own life openly and proud rather than taking the sheepish way out and continually lie.

In the end it's up to you to decide what makes you happy. Hopefully you can look back on your life 20 years from now and be happy with the decisions you've made.

 

[Berber of Seville]

lmao, that cartoon was exactly what I first thought of when saw his name.

Hahaha they also remade it to the Berber of Seville which Berbers come from North Africa and most of Seville's population are Berbers.

 

[Berber of Seville]

You only live once, if you want to live this life in the closet it's up to you.

exactly, if i want to concentrate on my school and career, it is easier to live in the closet rather then having your family go crazy on you for the rest of your life. I know if i live out, i have this feeling they'll bother me and will force marriage on me

 

[Telstra]

to be in the closet for the rest of your life? My parents come from a backwards country and they will not understand what im going through, plus they want to see me married in my mid and late 20s. I was thinking about moving out first, and then just doing my own thing (school and career) and just ignore their conversations about marriage. i can never tell them cause i can already predict whats going to happen. i was thinking maybe i should just be in the closet for them for the rest of my life, right?

take it slow.
when u are ready to tell u are ready. when u are not u are not.
Yeah just ignore them and live your life. move out when u can afford it.

 

[operafan]

I've lived that life. I'd never do it again.

 

[screwnutty]

to be in the closet for the rest of your life? My parents come from a backwards country and they will not understand what im going through, plus they want to see me married in my mid and late 20s. I was thinking about moving out first, and then just doing my own thing (school and career) and just ignore their conversations about marriage. i can never tell them cause i can already predict whats going to happen. i was thinking maybe i should just be in the closet for them for the rest of my life, right?

You can if you want...but eventually you might have a break down or something. I mean keep up the looks until you can move out for sure. But once your on your own and you can take care of yourself without there help then maybe, it will be time to spread your wings and fly. Also staying in the closet won't help in the long run because you may miss important aspects of your life. Do you want to be alone for the rest of your life? Do you want to have to lie and always double your tracks to make sure nobody knows? Paranoia will become your friend....is that a life worth leading?

In the end it's your choice. Good luck to you!

 

[tallguy297]

Hey berber,

Mate, for now, do what you feel you have to do to get through this part of your life... focus on your desires and goals and live life to the full however you choose.

My only advice is to not worry to much about too far down the track. You sound young and you still have a whole life to lead... and that life will throw some very unexpected twists and turns that you will never see coming.

If you feel safe, happy,confident and comfortable being in the closet then by all means mate its your choice to stay there. But dont lock yourself into thoughts and feelings that could change tomorrow because something changed.

For now, focus on whatever it takes to be happy, and worry about this part of your life when you have too.

 

[rareboy]

Obviously as everyone says, it is your choice, but no, I don't think it is okay to stay in the closet all your life because you're afraid.

It imposes a level of stress on you that ultimately will destroy you, or at the very least, deny you a happy life....all in order to avoid conflict.

 

[Lube]

What rareboy said.

Plus, your parents probably already know. They won't admit it to themselves, but they know.

So what are you really accomplishing by being in the closet? Having this totally false veneer of straighthood when you visit them--and having them continually peck at you for not having a girlfriend, not having a wife, not having a family?

How is that 'better'??????!!!

 

[Revelaeus]

I think there's some misunderstandings here...

Coming from similar family backgrounds, I empathise with the OP. What I get from the post is not that the OP wants to stay in the closet for his whole life, but rather just not come out to his parents.

I'm out to all my new friends in college, and some of my closest old friends, and am struggling now with the notion of coming out to my parents. Some old friends cheer me on and tell me that they'd give me support, some of them think that keeping my parents in the dark, where they remain happy is the way to go.

I dunno... it's kinda a toss up for me

 

[Berber of Seville]

Hey berber,

Mate, for now, do what you feel you have to do to get through this part of your life... focus on your desires and goals and live life to the full however you choose.

My only advice is to not worry to much about too far down the track. You sound young and you still have a whole life to lead... and that life will throw some very unexpected twists and turns that you will never see coming.

If you feel safe, happy,confident and comfortable being in the closet then by all means mate its your choice to stay there. But dont lock yourself into thoughts and feelings that could change tomorrow because something changed.

For now, focus on whatever it takes to be happy, and worry about this part of your life when you have too.

I think I should take your advice Trust me, my parents will bother me ALOT more if they found out about me

 

[Lube]

I think I should take your advice Trust me, my parents will bother me ALOT more if they found out about me

Well, sure, if they're gonna have you killed if you declare you homosexuality, by all means stay in the closet.

But part of growing up is putting a stake in the ground and saying, "This is who I am. If you don't like it, fuck yourself."

Admittedly, it took a long time for me to grow up.

 

[tallguy297]

^^

Well mate, I honestly dont think you intend or will stay in the closet all of your life... and certainly I hope thats not what your entire future is.

But for now, until you reach the point where you feel safe enough, independent enough and strong enough, you have to live life by whatever means you can so that your happiness and security are maintained.

Life does and will change Berber and one day coming out will most likely feel right for you - but for now just dont rule things in or out and make sure your peace of mind, saftey and security are your first priority.