Is it over?

[hilltop08]

I've been dating this guy for about 2 months. We met online, both looking for friends and possibly a relationship. After talking for about a couple weeks, getting to know each other, we decided to meet. Everything went well, we watched some t.v. and laid together some, nothing really exciting. We hung out a few more times after that before we made it official. Since then our relationship has been very disjointed, for lack of a better term. There are days when we talk to each other all day and hang out together, but lately there have been days where we hardly even talk, and when I do try and start a conversation by text his replies are hours later, if I even get a reply, and are very short.

I had been planning since may to go visit some friends in the city I go to school in about an hour so away, they're throwing me a birthday dinner. After telling him about this dinner he asked if he could go, he really wanted to meet some of my friends and spend my birthday with me. So we decided that instead of staying with my friends at their house we would get a hotel for the weekend and split the cost between us. He took off the whole weekend from work so he could go, and from the time we decided this up until last week he's been really excited about this weekend. This week comes and I'm getting stuff in place for the weekend and I'm hardly hearing from, especially in the past 2 day. I sent him a text yesterday evening around 8, asking if we were still going today and still haven't gotten anything back and it's almost 1 in the afternoon. W had also made plans yesterday to hang out after he got back from seeing family, only to not hear from him again.

One day earlier this week we were both talking about how bored we were and how much we miss seeing each other, so I asked if we wanted to hang out, after waiting for 2 hours for a reply he asks what are we going to do, since there isn't a lot in our town to day, I leave the option up to and say anything you choose is fine with me, then after another hour wait, he says no he just wants to stay in but he really does miss me, and can't wait for our weekend together, it's been like this all week, or he'll wanna hang out and says he'll call me after he gets up and by the time he calls me it's already way to late for us to do anything.

A few weeks ago I told him about another group of friends I have that are having a birthday celebration for me and that my very best friend would be there. He asked if he could go so he could meet her and I said yes. She's very excited to meet him because she's never met any guy that I've liked before, I'm a really shy and private guy so bring him to meet her was a big deal to me. The day of the party comes and he calls and asks me if he could bring a friend because he was really nervous and I hesitantly say yes because I was afraid that if we was to bring a friend they might only talk to each other but I don't want him to be uncomfortable. I go to pick them up and all they way up there they only talk to each other. We get to my friend's house and he barley talks to her or anyone else there, we go out to dinner he doesn't even sit next to me and only talks to his friend and on the way back home doesn't talk to me, until his friend is out of the car after that he's holding my hand and paying lots of attention to me.

What does all of this mean? Are we just growing apart or is he just really nervous about meeting my friends and he doesn't know how to handle it.

 

[KaraBulut]

What does all of this mean? Are we just growing apart or is he just really nervous about meeting my friends and he doesn't know how to handle it.

It's been a while since I used a Lexicon:

Ask him.

Not us.

Him.

Only he knows what is going on in his head.

Is it over?

If he can't open up and talk to you honestly about what's going on, then yes, it is over.

 

[Spiff]

It just sounds like he is closeted. From what you described, I think he really is interested in being with you. But in public places amongst friends, he is not comfortable with opening up. I think he used his friend as a smokescreen; he didn't want your friends to think he was gay (even though they already know). Or at least to help draw attention away from him and you.

 

[MartyO]

You said your still in school yes? if so he could be confused. He may think he's gay but is actually not.

Are you giving him sexual favors because maybe thats it if your not he may be after u for 1 thing if so then maybe he just wants to experiment.

 

[Seasoned]

It seems to me and just from what you wrote, or didn't write, that there's a spark missing in your relationship. I think people make a mistake in relationships when one person seems to be in control of the dating agenda. Letting him have his way all the time creates an imbalance and makes you less interesting to him. That's not to say this relationship will work even if that changes. You may sense that not giving in will mean not hanging out, but giving in all the time just prolongs the inevitable.

You two sound as if you've been together a lifetime and are looking to rekindle romance where in actuality the two of you at the beginning of a relationship and ought to be setting off fireworks.

I truly hope that what I wrote doesn't hurt you, but I think you deserve mire attention and more excitement.

 

[hilltop08]

It just sounds like he is closeted. From what you described, I think he really is interested in being with you. But in public places amongst friends, he is not comfortable with opening up. I think he used his friend as a smokescreen; he didn't want your friends to think he was gay (even though they already know). Or at least to help draw attention away from him and you.

I never thought of that, it could totally be true. We hung out with a different set of friends this weekend and it started out the way the last time did, him being really shy and not really talking to anyone, but he really warmed up this time and by the end of the night he was a lot more affectionate towards me, not to the point to where we were making out in front of everyone but just being more interested in me.

You said your still in school yes? if so he could be confused. He may think he's gay but is actually not.

Are you giving him sexual favors because maybe thats it if your not he may be after u for 1 thing if so then maybe he just wants to experiment.

No, we aren't in high school. I'm in my senior year of college and he's a year older than me. We have and do have sex, but not all the time, or even every time we hang out.

It seems to me and just from what you wrote, or didn't write, that there's a spark missing in your relationship. I think people make a mistake in relationships when one person seems to be in control of the dating agenda. Letting him have his way all the time creates an imbalance and makes you less interesting to him. That's not to say this relationship will work even if that changes. You may sense that not giving in will mean not hanging out, but giving in all the time just prolongs the inevitable.

You two sound as if you've been together a lifetime and are looking to rekindle romance where in actuality the two of you at the beginning of a relationship and ought to be setting off fireworks.

I truly hope that what I wrote doesn't hurt you, but I think you deserve mire attention and more excitement.

Don't get me wrong, when we're together, besides that one time, it's really exciting no matter what we're doing. We both tell each other all the time how much we love being together and wish we could do it more.

We spent the whole weekend together so we had plenty of time to talk and just hang out together. From what I could tell he's genuinely interested in being in a relationship with me but he's nervous that since I haven't really been in a relationship with guys before how do I know that this is what I want. I try and reassure him that when you are with a person you really like it's just a feeling you get and he said he has that feeling too.

We also talked about our futures what what we want to do, I'm pretty much set on finishing school and finding a job, but he doesn't really know what he wants to do, he's talked about going back to school or maybe even joining the air force. He said he would rather not join but he just wants to do something that will make his family happy, and he said that he didn't really wanna join cause that would mean he would have to leave me and he doesn't want to do that

 

[azndude89]

and he said that he didn't really wanna join cause that would mean he would have to leave me and he doesn't want to do that

THATS SO FREAKIN ADORABLE!!! i hope it works out for you both

 

[cdninweho]

Is it possible that he is also seeing someone else? I ask this because you mention he doesn't get physically close to you when his friend was there, but the minute the other person was in the car, he was into you.

Also the long periods of no absences could be he is with someone else and can't respond.

I'm not saying he is, but it strikes me as a possibility.

 

[hilltop08]

Is it possible that he is also seeing someone else? I ask this because you mention he doesn't get physically close to you when his friend was there, but the minute the other person was in the car, he was into you.

Also the long periods of no absences could be he is with someone else and can't respond.

I'm not saying he is, but it strikes me as a possibility.

I've thought that too

 

[hilltop08]

Well I guess none of it really matters now. He just broke up with me. Seems despite me being such a great guy he's not ready to commit to being in a relationship with someone until he's figured out what he wants out of his life.

 

[azndude89]

Well I guess none of it really matters now. He just broke up with me. Seems despite me being such a great guy he's not ready to commit to being in a relationship with someone until he's figured out what he wants out of his life.

I'm sorry, there are plenty of fish in the sea. best of luck to you

 

[hilltop08]

I'm sorry, there are plenty of fish in the sea. best of luck to you

Thank you so much.


So the whole time we were together he was cheating on me. He had been talkin to guys online and meeting up with them for sex.

 

[Georgiadude]

Thank you so much.


So the whole time we were together he was cheating on me. He had been talkin to guys online and meeting up with them for sex.

I had a feeling that was going on. those non replies and not getting close to you around others are big signals to me that there is something up. Im sorry it happened to you but your better off without the ass hat in your life. he's a horses ass. I hope you were safe when you were with him. if not please go and get tested. God only knows who he's been messing around with. most likely it was the "friend" he brought along with him. Thats why he ignored you. His other bf was with him. I hate guys like him. they use people and play with their hearts and minds. when they're tired of their "toy" they go and get a new one. Chalk this up a a life lesson learned. Next time listen to that little voice in your mind. It's usually correct.

Steven.