is it possible to date guys while still in the closet?

[xic55401]

Well, that is the way i feel.... i cannot help it. Glad to hear you are so confident about yourself.

 

[RukkuS]

Yeah, heaven forbid that someone would even think that you are bi? Even though you are bi? What a tragedy, that's possibly one of the worst fates to have in this world.

The solution is to get over what other people may think. Remember, other people have lives too. Everyone is not concerned with your life because they are concerned with their own lives.

If you are truly that daunted by the thought of anyone finding out that you have an attraction to men, your other solution is to stick to women. There are many men who are bisexual, but stay on the heterosexual track despite their homosexual desires.

I'm sorry if I came off too harshly.

Yeah. It comes very easy for some people to just "not care", but for others it isnt. If it was that easy and we were able to wake up 1 morning and say "fuck everybody else", then we would have definitely done that by now...

You can sit there and give us a hard time about it or you can listen and try to understand. Either way, not everybody is the same and not everybody is able to just run their mouths to everyone about their sexuality. You are. Good for you.

 

[screwnutty]

Rukkus ignore the downers here...some are right though. It's not impossible to date well your in the closet still....it is however not easy either. Not all gay guys are going to care, not all gay guys regardless of age are at the same point of acceptance. Basically you got some work cut out for you. Your low profile is going to make it hard for gay guys to know you better but oh well....your not ready to quite yet right. Just get out there and do your best! Good luck to you

 

[AngelFromAbove]

Yeah. It comes very easy for some people to just "not care", but for others it isnt. If it was that easy and we were able to wake up 1 morning and say "fuck everybody else", then we would have definitely done that by now...

You can sit there and give us a hard time about it or you can listen and try to understand. Either way, not everybody is the same and not everybody is able to just run their mouths to everyone about their sexuality. You are. Good for you.

I'm not sure if you read or not, but I apologized ahead of time for the way it may come across. I understand that everyone is not the same and that guys have their different times for coming to terms with their individual sexualities, if they ever do.

Personally, I am not a person to give anyone a hard time. Do what you like, it's your choice. However, I must ask, what's holding you back? Is it friends, family, career or a combination of the two or three? I saw your profile and it says that you are in California; as a state, it is one of the more liberal areas in the U.S.

If someone finds out you are attracted to men, what happens? How do you expect to ever find someone decent, whether it is for anonymous sex, f-buddy, or a relationship if they do not know? A guy has to find out at some point ever decide to follow through.

I'm not saying you have to announce to each and every person that you are interested in men. You can start by dropping clues to the guys that interest you or unabashedly looking at them to express interest. Even if you made it to have sex with a guy, anonymity is not guaranteed.

You can do that, or choose the pure 100% heterosexual path, and deal with your feelings for men in another way, as I said in my first post. Either way, you are going to have positives and negatives with either choice; it's up to you as a person to ascertain what works for you.

 

[RukkuS]

I read your apology, but still. It just gets old reading all the "out" gay guys preaching to the closeted guys how we need to just relax and not care. We can't. Sorry. Nothing we can do about it.

Whats holding me back? Well I said it in my initial post, but i'll say it again. Without getting into too much detail, family is a huge issue and so is my job. A job can't be too strict on my sexuality right? Try the military...while I am not Active Duty, my job is still in jepardy. California is a liberal state where it wants to be. But not all parts of CA are like San Francisco...

all the questions your asking me about how I expect to find a guy while still in the closet will remain unanswered due to the fact that those are the same questions i asked you in my initial post. I'm coming to you guys for suggestions, help, and advice besides the regular "relax and come out!".

I'm not sure if you read or not, but I apologized ahead of time for the way it may come across. I understand that everyone is not the same and that guys have their different times for coming to terms with their individual sexualities, if they ever do.

Personally, I am not a person to give anyone a hard time. Do what you like, it's your choice. However, I must ask, what's holding you back? Is it friends, family, career or a combination of the two or three? I saw your profile and it says that you are in California; as a state, it is one of the more liberal areas in the U.S.

If someone finds out you are attracted to men, what happens? How do you expect to ever find someone decent, whether it is for anonymous sex, f-buddy, or a relationship if they do not know? A guy has to find out at some point ever decide to follow through.

I'm not saying you have to announce to each and every person that you are interested in men. You can start by dropping clues to the guys that interest you or unabashedly looking at them to express interest. Even if you made it to have sex with a guy, anonymity is not guaranteed.

You can do that, or choose the pure 100% heterosexual path, and deal with your feelings for men in another way, as I said in my first post. Either way, you are going to have positives and negatives with either choice; it's up to you as a person to ascertain what works for you.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey RukkuS,

Mate... you have asked a question thats both hard to answer and one thats bound to throw up some answers that seem pretty harsh to you... it doesn't mean that either party is right or wrong... its just that for your time and place those answers don't fit you. And thats more than ok.

You'd find most of the guys here who are suggesting that you bite the bullet and come out and get on with it are suggesting that from their own experiences. Experiences where they have seen and felt their lives change for the better and where they have since questioned why it took them so long to do it. Its in no way meant to be an attack on you.

Having said that everyone of those same guys knows your pain and has been where you are. Its like they want to drag you through this period so its over and done for you.

But they cant. Your situation is yours alone. Its the one you have to live in and deal with. And only you know whats right for you... the rest of us will bow to that every time.

The undeniable answer to your question is yes. Its possible.

I live in a town of 14000 people... and some days it seems like I know them all. Only my very close friends - some who don't live here - and close family know I'm gay... and thats the way I want it. Apart from the gay guys I've met here and in neighboring towns though just ...living... none of the rest are gay.

The only way to do this is live your life. Go about your day. Head to the mall, shops, footy, whatever it is you do... As you know yourself we come in all diferent shapes and sizes and we all lead different lives. You bump into more possible dates in a day than you'll ever know.

The hard part is learning to accept that things just dont happen because you want them too. Hell, I'd like a new car but just cause I want it to happen doesnt mean I'm gonna wake up and find one in the driveway.

Life just has a away of surprising us when we're not looking. All we've got to do is make a choice to take advantages of the opportunities that are right in front of us. You've just got to be open... its like never noticing paint colour until you have to paint a room. All of a sudden the choices are endless.

Look...its not simply and its not easy. I understand why you are making the choice you are... and I respect it. But you dont need a neon sign to find a date either. Just let yourself see whats there in front of you... it has to be a conscious choice.

Good Luck Rukkus... you deserve some true happiness!