Is it too fast?

[LilVirgin]

i think i know why i can't sleep, the truth is i think i'm falling in love with my date. I know some of you may think it's way too fast and i want to tell him but i don't know if he would freak out and i don't want to fucked up our friendship... do you think i should wait when i have my 3rd date or after he popped my cherry? because i can't keep this in my anymore...

 

[Seasoned]

There is a phenomenon located somewhere between love and lust. I think some people have tried to name it and even write about it. When we first feel it, we assume it's love. I'd explain it this way. A cloud-9 feeling, not feeling your feet on the floor, a dream-like state, not being able to get the person out of your mind, wanting to see them again as soon as you say good-bye. The feeling is so powerful that some people become addicted to it and seek new relationships as soon as it ends.

I think we get this sensation to hang around to see if love develops. In and if itself it's not love. That feeling subsides with time, but with real love is always remembered and comes back from time to time.

Just about 28 years ago, feeling what I assume you are feeling I looked into the eyes of I guy I had been seeing for about three weeks and said, "I love you." His response? "Don't be an asshole." Of course I was married at the time, but all my dreams seemed to be coming true.

Next month we are celebrating our 28th anniversary.

My advice? Tell him what you feel when you are with him and when you think about him. Save the love word until he does or says something stupid. It'll mean more to both of you.

 

[LilVirgin]

so i finally told him my feelings for him via text message, and i'm waiting for his reply and if he doesn't want to reply then fuck it....

 

[Willie Boy]

I agree with what seasoned said, he's hit the nail on the head.

About you telling him by text messay.... I can only say oops, no way.

I do believe that is something that is best said face to face. There are some things you just don't communicate over the phone/in text/letter. Some things are best done in person.

 

[LilVirgin]

we broke up, and fuck it hurt so fucking much!!!... i'm crying right now and i thought he was the one who is gonna take my virginity ... i'm gonna die a fucking virgin

 

[Willie Boy]

Sorry to hear that.

 

[Seasoned]

No you're not. Keep breathing and slow down. I apologize for not making it clear that my advice was about the next time you saw him and not by text. I'm an old guy with lots of pre-technology experience. I wasn't even thinking that as I wrote my reply.

Now you need some time and thought and possibly some work to heal from this. If you are not able to take your falling in love slower next time I'd suggest some therapy to work on you. You are already a complete human being.

There seems to be two issues, wanting sex and wanting love and you seem to want them both together. That's fine, but think what it would do to you if you had sex because you thought the guy loved you, but in actuality he didn't.

So again I'm going to suggest you look into some therapy.

Regarding sex, some people want to wait for love; some just want to get it over with. I think a good compromise is someone who treats you well, respects your boundaries, is kind and fun. He may not stick around, but hopefully he left you satisfied.

Now, before you do ANYTHING read my disclaimer on my signature line.

I am willing to entertain any questions from you before you do anything with another guy. In the meantime look online for self-esteem tips and strategies. You're going to be ok as you discover what works and doesn't work for you.

It's all part of maturing and learning and it's a life-long process.

I've been partnered for 28 years and it's not a happily everafter. Oh, I suppose I'd say that considering we can come through anything, but it's been a cobblestone street rather than a pink powder sand beach.

 

[Audio Tech]

Aww.... what a shame. I am truly sad for you.

But here's yet another great example of how this incessant texting fucks everything up. Some things, (most things) should be done face to face. Period.


You'll date and fall in love again. Enjoy it, but leave the stupid texting out of it.

 

[TX-Beau]

Of course you broke up, you knew it was a bad idea going in, then you compounded that by texting it like a high school kid.

I call that over-commitment. Don't do it again.

 

[LilVirgin]

yeah i guess doing this by texting was the most stupidest thing but now i learned my lesson not to be attached to a guy to fast... @ Seasoned: thanks again for your great advice you seemed to know a lot about those thing and since i'm new to the dating world and stuff... IF i ever have another question i'll be sure to PM you instead of doing another thread!!..

thanks guys for the great advice i guess i learned my lesson it's still hurt a little bit but i'm getting over it pretty fast since there's other guys out there i'm trying that website adam4adam and hopefully there's a guy for me to just hang out with...

 

[Willie Boy]

Well, you've learned a few things. Now take some time, like Seasoned suggested, and be you. You don't NEED another to be happy. Go out and enjoy things you like, come to terms with the loss and move on. While you're enjoying life you'll most likely meet others with similar interests as yourself, make friends. But don't be in so much of a rush. Let it progress at its own pace.