Is it weird that I'm 28 and have never been on one date with anyone, period?

[altlover85]

I'm in the same boat at 26.

Unusual perhaps, but I hope not "weird".

I'm a hopeless romantic. I can't wait to come home to the man I (will) love, every day.

Just make sure you don't get so caught up in a romantic fantasy that you miss out on something worthwhile and don't expect him to come to you. You may have to be the one that takes the initiative.

the most negative thing I've found with the people I've met online have been the people who will talk a huge game about how they're not looking for hookups, want a relationship, etc, etc but are, in fact, all about the hookup and not looking for anything else. which is fine if you know what you're getting into ahead of time, but my one negative experience with someone I met IRL was a guy who called/texted me nonstop to chat before we hooked up and then totally dropped off the face of the earth afterward (except for the one time he messaged me for a booty call)

Those kinds of guys suck, but they are definitely out there.

Here is some more general advice that I thought of because of your post loki81.

Guys, if you're going to date, you have to go into it with an open mind and make sure that you don't have expectations of people that you really don't know, which can be easier said than done.

Even having expectations for people you do know can lead to frustration, but people aren't mind readers and won't always know what you want if you don't say it and sometimes might not be listening even if you do say it.

 

[jdcnow]

Even having expectations for people you do know can lead to frustration, but people aren't mind readers and won't always know what you want if you don't say it and sometimes might not be listening even if you do say it.

Oh, believe me, I know all about having to tell people stuff. I have to remind my mom when my birthday is. Not kidding either. oO... You'd think she'd know...(She was kinda laid up in the hospital that night... Just sayin'...)

 

[TX-Beau]

Forget the non-date people, a date is whatever you want it to be.

I've been on lots of dates. From the typical dinner and a move, to me isolating him from the herd for some serious flirting and innuendo.

The only thing I'm seeing wrong with you, is that you lack opportunity. Living in BFE, with all the phobe's. I can relate to that, having also grown up in the country in Texas.

 

[altlover85]

Oh, believe me, I know all about having to tell people stuff. I have to remind my mom when my birthday is. Not kidding either. oO... You'd think she'd know...(She was kinda laid up in the hospital that night... Just sayin'...)

The comment was more for thermodynamics.

It sucks about your birthday and your mom being laid up in the hospital though.

 

[MorrisseyX]

I think the OP's situation highlights the problems gay people in small towns encounter. It is harder for gays in small towns to meet someone. I think the other posters suggestions are good perhaps join a group or a club. You know OP you don't have to join a gay group? Why not just try to make new friends first and become more social. Have you heard about this website www.meetup.com it is an awesome website where people meet up for movies, bowling, tennis, dancing, book clubs ect.

 

[jdcnow]

It sucks about your birthday and your mom being laid up in the hospital though.

Naw. The joke is me ribbing her that she was laid up in the hospital having a baby (me) on the night I was born and that you'd think she'd actually remeber that.

Well, you'd think so, wouldn't you?

 

[jdcnow]

Thanks, MorrisseyX. Will look into it.

 

[altlover85]

Ah, now the post makes more sense jcdnow.

I've met a group off of www.meetup.com and I recommend it. It was fun. I would have continued if the next few meetings hadn't conflicted with my birthday, my bf's birthday, and our anniversary. After that I wasn't as interested in speaking French anymore since I didn't have anyone to speak it to besides that group.

 

[fbhwes]

I never dated til I was 45 and freshly OUT, and now I am going on 48 in february. I'm still learning new things.

If you don't mind me asking ,that 1st person you asked out or went on this date with, how did they react when they found out that you hadn't been with anyone before ? Were they someone who had dated lots before or were they like you with no experience? And another drawback i guess i'm afraid i'll face is all the inquisitive folks that are in my immediate circle. You know family and friends that know you have'nt ever dated before and all of sudden you are. !

 

[lklklkh]

I totally understand your position right now. I come from a different race and culture and would be penalised badly if I were to come out! Don't get me started with religion. I'm only a year younger than you and I totally feel what you are feeling right now. Everyone around you is getting married with kids and every festives seasons, my relatives tend to ask me "When are we going to witness that special someone?" This has come to a point where I'm getting irritated and just come out there and there.

Solution: None (for me)

Moving on: Acting straight like I've used to for the past 13 years.

Question: Special someone?? (I will just give my weird fuggly smile)

 

[birddog7]

If you don't mind me asking ,that 1st person you asked out or went on this date with, how did they react when they found out that you hadn't been with anyone before ? Were they someone who had dated lots before or were they like you with no experience? And another drawback i guess i'm afraid i'll face is all the inquisitive folks that are in my immediate circle. You know family and friends that know you have'nt ever dated before and all of sudden you are. !

That's a really good question. I have often wondered what will happen if I ever get the courage to try a relationship at my age? I'm 49 now. (I'll probably never get the courage to try anyway, but it's possible).

 

[genthree]

Yes ( that is the answer to your Q, I am req to use 10 characters)

 

[genthree]

Now that the story has advanced, you have to live your own life. I don't know your family situation- do you work in the family biz, do you support your family, is the "coming out " going to be too dramatic, are you waiting for your parents to "pass on"
The bottom line is , it is your life, it is happening now, if necessary move to a big city.
Good luck.

 

[jdcnow]

Thanks, genthree. Yeah. I've got several things I must get in order before planning on moving, though. But I'm going to have to move away before feeling OK with trying to find any sort of love interest. Unfortunately I live in a small Christian town where homosexuality is still mentioned with an embarrassed whisper, where same-sex love is still the punchline of jokes. The sooner I can leave here, the better, although that won't be for a good little while, because of things I need to take care of that must come first (paying off my small debt, need to find a good used new-to-me car, start college, etc.)

Thanks for the insight and for the well-wishes.

 

[altlover85]

The sooner I can leave here, the better, although that won't be for a good little while, because of things I need to take care of that must come first (paying off my small debt, need to find a good used new-to-me car, start college, etc.)

Thanks for the insight and for the well-wishes.

As far as college goes, is that when you'd be moving away or would you be going to college in the same place you are in now?

 

[jdcnow]

As far as college goes, is that when you'd be moving away or would you be going to college in the same place you are in now?

The best and cheapest course of action would be to go to my local county community college for the basic courses. So, I will be stuck here for a good little while.

There is a good possibility of me moving away when it comes time to get my Master's Of Science in Meteorology. But getting to that point will be quite the uphill climb. I have faith that I can do it, though.

I will say, though, for all of this region's shortcomings (and believe me, we don't have that much time to list them all! ), where I am (rural northern Texas) is actually one of the cheapest places to live in the entire country, in terms of sheer living expenses.

 

[LilLightning]

jdcnow,

there's still plenty of time to find someone in your life. I know that living in such a small community is hard, but getting out and meeting some people will really enrich your experience. That's always been my biggest regret about coming out, that I didn't do it earlier and meet more fellow gays. don't worry about getting caught up in going on that traditional date. Make the date whatever you want it to be. You'll find that guys are usually fairly easy going (compared to women at least for me).

If your looking for ideas to meet somebody, try going to for a big city weekend getaway. Online isn't a bad either. its very common nowadays. Just be confident and friendly. Best of luck.

 

[jdcnow]

Well, good news, all!

(Looks innocently upward...) In a singsong tone, "Somebody just got their feet wet!"

I just spent the most awesome hour having a very nice chat session with a cool guy from Africa. So what, if words were exchanged...and things may have gotten a little heated...and we both had some "fun". (Shrugs shoulders...) May have ended in creamy white stuff everywhere, but what the hay? I had fun.

Going to PM him back and tell him thanks, and that I enjoyed it. If you could only see the smile on me, right now.

I should have started doing this long ago.

 

[AsianDream]

Well, good news, all!

(Looks innocently upward...) In a singsong tone, "Somebody just got their feet wet!"

I just spent the most awesome hour having a very nice chat session with a cool guy from Africa. So what, if words were exchanged...and things may have gotten a little heated...and we both had some "fun". (Shrugs shoulders...) May have ended in creamy white stuff everywhere, but what the hay? I had fun.

Going to PM him back and tell him thanks, and that I enjoyed it. If you could only see the smile on me, right now.

I'm not sure the romantic idea of a "Date" is really neccessary.

One thing I'm curious about - where do you meet guys for sex? - I've only ever known big cities (where it's easy) - but not sure what happens in small towns?

 

[jdcnow]

Well, my encounter was in an online text chatroom. It was awesome.

And believe me. You *Do Not* want to know what happens in small towns. How do you think that everybody winds up as some kind of kin to everybody else? (Cues the obligatory banjo music...) After a while, it's like the soap operas, where there are whole clans of families that run the town.