Is it Wrong?

[Ram]

Is it wrong that I care about my fellow JUBbers like they are my family?

Is it wrong to think that there is a small percentage of the Internet that has a basis in reality?

Is it wrong for me to find our lack of respect for one another deeply disturbing?

1) Yes.

2) No, it's not wrong.

3) Yes.

 

[Ram]

Nice edit. I saw it before you took out the other stuff.

It came off as "harsh" -- that's why I edited it. I don't wish to hurt you.

And I don't understand why it is wrong for me to be saddened by a lack of respect for each other.

It's wrong because you are just going to keep on getting sadder.

 

[Alpha1851]

Please. Help.

What brought this up? Did something happen? Is this just how you feel or is this a JUB community issue?

 

[BabiGayPimp]

1) No it is not wrong to think of your online friends as family because, frankly, I have a cozier rapport with members of online communities than with people I know offline,who are often too busy and preoccuppied to do little more than wave in passing (good riddance).

2) There are some cool people online who are well-grounded. You just have to look to find them.

3) People on JUB are much nicer than many other sites with older demographics. The viciousness and nastiness that I've frequently observed among gay men my age and older, I just don't see here. That's why I'm here.

I think many of the lads on this site are sweet, vulnerable, and touching, though I gently chastise, as times.

 

[Pushover]

JUB is definitely like a family. Sometimes family members just don't get along.

Lack of respect? Probably 90% of the people on JUB are gay. So? That's just one similarity. That doesn't mean we have to like each other. I learned that the hard way during my first couple weeks on this forum.

 

[Alpha1851]

You sound a tad bit self righteous. You seem to think that the way you feel about things and the way you interact w/ people is the correct way to feel and to act.

Yes, there are real people behind these avatars. But, not all of us have the same personalities or take things the same way. Not all of us have the same level of feelings. And on the net, there's always the issue w/ miscommunication. It's bound to happen. I've thought someone was calling me stupid (and that's my insecure hot button) when they weren't. Another JUBBER thought I was being snobby, when in my head I was just teasing them.

I personally have no problem w/ racism threads, anti religious threads, anti woman threads, incest, or anything else. First, I support free speech as much as possible, and second, I learn a lot from these threads. JUB is interesting b/c it allows us to state what we really believe anonymously. By bringing up the tough and taboo issues and responding to one another, I believe we are in a conducive learning environment. Here is where you might really find how someone feels. Whereas, in the real world, we monitor our language and facial expressions in order to fit in w/ certain cliques and in order to remain a part of regular society.

Yes, I get pissed. Yes, I'm always up for a strong debate. Yes, I'm annoyed when someone becomes emotional and starts name calling or whatever. Yes, I've pissed off my fair share of people as well. But, if I wanted to chat it up w/ folks who were just like me, I'd call my friends.

I personally haven't noticed a problem w/ respect on here. I've made some "friends," but if the shit hit the fan in my life, I wouldn't run to a JUBBBER. Not that it's wrong if some folks do form those strong bonds. I'm sure it's possible. But those roles are already filled in my life and I'm not looking for anything closer than online casual buddies. Different strokes for different folks--in every aspect of life.

JUB has room for the Stacys, the Lexs, the Bens, the Looseliams, the Starwarriors, the Croynans, the Kevbos, the GLs, the Scrubs, the AL_Kanes, and the Huntneos of the world. We're a diverse group. I love that!

 

[Pushover]

I had a feeling this would come up.

I don't have to like people to have respect for them.

There is a big difference between the two.

Liking someone means you have things in common, you are able to find each other appealing in different ways.

Respecting someone is understanding that you are different and being OK with it.

My apologies for the misunderstanding.

The above statement is in no way, shape, or form as to be interpreted in the manner of Pushover being even the slightest bit of a humanitarian.

 

[Alpha1851]

I don't view JUB in that manner at all. But, we're all adults, we watch Nazi films, rape porn, slave films, et al. Yet, we all manage to realize that we cannot act that way in real life. Further, there are several, several threads on JUB which are uplifting, inspiring, amusing, challenging, and loving. Just look through the Coming Out Section. There are threads where gay men are in love w/ their straight best buddy and are trying to get them drunk in order to suck them off, there are threads where someone's heart has been broken, and threads where a JUBBEER just wants to celebrate their long term relationship. A new person should be able to look over the entirety of JUB, read a few threads, and make an educated decision as to whether they'll join and post.

After all, we did it. I found JUB through a class project and I love it! We've both stuck around. There's obviously something here of value.

JUB is a place for solace, a place to have fun, a place to be entertained, a place to joke, a place to be serious, a place to bare your soul, a place to flirt, a place to vent, it's whatever you make of it. We are in control. We create the threads. We respond in whatever manner we choose.

But, I'm all for making changes where nec and will work to do so. So Stacy, since you raised the issue, and this is obviously troubling you, what is your proposed solution to the problem?

I'd love to have more people join us! If you're lurking out there, come on board and post.

 

[Alpha1851]

And I was trying to be help.

Fair enough.

 

[StlKj]

Is it wrong to care so much about people on here? Nope, it's not wrong at all.

Is it wrong to wish that people would treat each other with more respect? Nope, it's not wrong at all.

Is it wrong to let the stupid shit on here get to you so much? Yup, that's wrong. Because it's not healthy, Hon. If something gets my goat on here, I address it in the thread, perhaps passionately and assertively, and then I move on. Guess what? JUB is a much healthier place for me to hang out now that I've stopped taking so much of the crap on here seriously.

Do I take the people I care about on here seriously? Yup. That's the part I enjoy--the great people I get to interact with on here that I would have never known otherwise. But the drama? the insensitive and disrespectful behavior? Don't have time for it beyond the thread in which it appears. I address it there, or I just let it go. I don't waste time ringing my hands or fretting beyond that, because in the end, that gives too much of my time and energy to those who try to create conflict.

 

[Scrub]

Wow, I've read all the posts and I'm not sure exactly what you are looking for.

No, it is not wrong for you to feel the way you do, but it is wrong to expect other people to agree or feel the same way.

People come to and use the internet for many, many different reasons. We each are only responsible for how we act and what we say. We can't expect others to do what we feel is right.

Yes it is easy on the internet to be who you want to be. It may be the real you or not.

It is up to each one of us to decide if someone is real or not and we have the option to ignore those who we don't want to interact with.

 

[Scrub]

Is my empathy too much for a place like JUB?

Do I put too much stock in the words or should I pretend like I can LOL and giggle snort when someone is made fun of? Should I pretend I don't know what it feels like to have these kinds of things happen to me in real life?

Yes your empathy is to much.

I don't giggle snort when I feel someone is made fun of, but I trust that they can and will defend themselves. We are all adults and can decide which battles to wage and which to ignore.

Happenings in real life are not the same as happeneing on the internet.

 

[Scrub]

There are a lot more lurkers than posters here, and sometimes we need a reminder that it's the ones who don't speak who are being affected by our words.

I am not out to save the world. I can only tell you how I feel being here sometimes, and hope that you can understand that I may not be the only one who does, I am just the only one who voices it so often, and so strongly.

Understood

But we all were once lurkers. I know I was until I felt comfortable posting. How some people may treat each other is not going to sway a lurker. At some point they either will or won't put their foot in the water. Their reasons are many and varied.

My assumption would be that many of the people looking at this thread and not posting just aren't interested. I often read many threads and have no interest in posting in them. There are many other reasons people don't post.

 

[Scrub]

Well with that thought in mind then start interesting threads.

So many people here groan about the lack of quality threads, but don't take the time to start them.

So we are all at fault for that.

 

[Absolut]

So many people here groan about the lack of quality threads, but don't take the time to start them.

I tried

My main point, after all else, is that we have a tendency to forget that we are bigger than the couple hundred people who post and sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, the reason for their lack of response is because they just don't know how to react to some of our behavior.

Well, on that note, it's kind of a double edged sword. Change our "behavior" that could prevent someone from posting, or change our posting style for fear that someone sitting at a computer somewhere is hovering over the "Post Reply" button, but doesn't follow through with it because they are scared?

 

[Absolut]

We...know the difference between a troll thread and a real and true discussion, doesn't mean everyone does.

Well, the only way that someone will learn is to jump right in, instead of lurking and hiding.

However, if that's what they want to do, then more power to them. You can't force someone to post what they are thinking, whether it be in thread form or a plain ole' post.

I am just so confused. So confused as to what makes a person enjoy causing chaos on a Web site. Where is that fun?

C'mon Stacy - you've been around long enough to know that "those people" just exist. They aren't gonna go away, no matter how hard we try. I mean, C2C, for chrissake? Like wtf were you talking about???

My sadness for how others are treated may not be felt by more than just me and a couple people who have come forward to express that they feel the same way, but I have the option to voice my sadness, or not.

Can you elaborate on the first part? As I'm sure you know, "differing ideas" can be put eloquently or quite prickishly. Just because someone disagrees with another member doesn't mean they were treated poorly. Some just go about it a different way than others (usually within the CoC, but ya know...)

My fascination is what makes a person find certain thread ideas good ones. What makes a person's mind say "yes, definitely, I should say that."

If I second guessed my random ramblings and/or thoughts, I would never start another thread

 

[Absolut]

And what fascinates me about the random threads is that some people have no censor. Some of us know that it is not cool to wax on, real or imaginary, about certain topics and some just don't - like our new friend HotRiot for instance. Yes, it is very likely that those threads are/were simply attention seeking tactics but as you can see there are other ways to gain attention.

But, even as a "noob," give him credit for jumping right into the fray, as mentioned earlier in this thread about new members posting. Maybe not in the most tactful or "appropriate" way, but nonetheless...

Post your dick.
Post your ass.

The former has not been posted. The latter is still somewhere out there...


Oh, and Alpha?

It couldnt've been more blatant if a tuna smacked me in the face. I mean, that's how I felt every time reading those "posts."

 

[Absolut]

It is very unfair that I have yet to see the ass picture.

Well, actually, I forgot that I went back and deleted it.

Think of butt, a Greek, and a sword, and maybe you'll recall what thread it was.

 

[Absolut]

I see you are close, Stacy.

However, the post was deleted. The/my ass is still there, but not available for public viewing.

(um, did I kind of just hijack this thread?)

 

[Absolut]

Bet you didn't think my memory would be that good did ya?

The stupid crap that's stored up in here is just, wrong.

You have no idea how much I remember about this place.

It's either kinda sad, or I should be in a remake of "Shine."