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    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Is my friend straight?

If talking about those topics makes him angry, then give it a break and don't talk about them. At least for a while. He obviously doesn't want to talk about it. The best you can do is let him know you're open to talking about it if he wants to, which you've already done.
 
Hi. I haven't posted on this forums before, but I read this and I thought your friend's reaction was somewhat logical. You mentioned someone asked him once if he was gay and he got angry and left.
It could be that he's simply not gay and it bothers him that people get that idea (I can imagine how annoying it would be for a straight guy to be asked constantly if he's gay) or that he is but he is not ready to admit it yet, even to himself.

When you told him you were having doubts about your sexuality, he thought you were only saying it to get him to tell you he was gay, which is pretty much what you were doing. I think more important than finding out if he's actually gay or not is making sure he knows you weren't trying to get him to come out to tease him or to tell others, which is what he may be thinking right now, you wouldn't want him to question just how true of a friend you actually are.

If you still want to find out you could try a different approach. You could tell him that: that you don't care if he is gay or not, that you weren't trying to get him to come out or anything and that you're just having some doubts yourself and wanted someone to talk to and that you knew you could trust him. That'll probably make him a little less paranoid about the whole thing. Talking about 'your' doubts could even help him sort out some of his own if it turns he's actually gay.

Well, that was it. Good luck! ^_^
 
hmm from now on in reality u dont have a chance with him , he knowing that u doubt your sexuality whether he thinks is to force him out or not is gonna make him start separating from you.What u can do is this leave him and just be his friend after a while the trust will build .Or the other is to shock him tell him you are confused because you are attracted to him that you just wanted to talk so he could help you sort things out.But thats it you rather handle it on your own. By the way he texted u and the it implies that he is fond of u maybe just as a friend maybe more but then he will have to decide whether he wants to loose that chance or not.My advice is ride it out for some time let him sleep on it .
 
I say you get a verizon phone with unlimted texts and you text his ass back so you can get in his pants with a line like this " im doing nothing im at home wishing i was spending my time with you."
 
corbenik said:
Hi. I haven't posted on this forums before, but I read this and I thought your friend's reaction was somewhat logical. You mentioned someone asked him once if he was gay and he got angry and left.
It could be that he's simply not gay and it bothers him that people get that idea (I can imagine how annoying it would be for a straight guy to be asked constantly if he's gay) or that he is but he is not ready to admit it yet, even to himself.

When you told him you were having doubts about your sexuality, he thought you were only saying it to get him to tell you he was gay, which is pretty much what you were doing. I think more important than finding out if he's actually gay or not is making sure he knows you weren't trying to get him to come out to tease him or to tell others, which is what he may be thinking right now, you wouldn't want him to question just how true of a friend you actually are.

If you still want to find out you could try a different approach. You could tell him that: that you don't care if he is gay or not, that you weren't trying to get him to come out or anything and that you're just having some doubts yourself and wanted someone to talk to and that you knew you could trust him. That'll probably make him a little less paranoid about the whole thing. Talking about 'your' doubts could even help him sort out some of his own if it turns he's actually gay.

Well, that was it. Good luck! ^_^
Click to expand...

Thanks for the post. I want to let him know that I'm here for him if he needs me. It's back to normal tonight, sending a fair few texts through, it's like he's not mad at all anymore. I may lay off the topic for a bit and see if he wants to come to me, or I might reitterate that when I came to him to tell him I was confused, it was because I trust him and would like someone to talk to.
 
I'm glad to hear things are good between you two. And that's probably the best way to go, give him some time and let him come to you when he's ready. Keep us posted. :D
 
I agree with Matt. Just be his friend if you want to and live your life. He will come to you if he wants or needs to. If you decide to date guys that would be a sign that you weren't lying to him. I say deal with what you have going on first and the rest will take its course naturally. Be the best friend you can be. ..|
 
Thanks for all the advice, haven't mentioned it again to him, but today whilst we were watching TV at his he suddenly said "i'm sorry" and started to get all choked up and then he went on to say he thinks he has acted like a complete arsehole and that I was right that he is gay but doesn't want to admit it because it isn't who he wants to be and he hates himself for it. I basically said that I've felt the same way, if I had a choice there is no way I would choose gay and i'm here for him if he needs to talk. He was pretty upset but I think I managed to calm him down a bit.
 
Poor guy, it's terrible that he feels that way. It wasn't too long ago that I was at the same spot he is in, and while I wouldn't go as far as to say I hated myself, it did feel like being gay was something that had been forced on me, like some cruel joke from the universe.

I can't make out from your post if you used to feel that way or if you still do, but if you do you should both know that there's nothing wrong with being gay, it isn't something something external that 'happens' to you, it is a part of who you are and at some point you have to embrace it if you want to be happy with yourself.

He sounds like a really nice and sensitive guy, be there for him and try to help him come to terms with who he is (at his own pace) and be happy about it. Good luck. :)
 
corbenik said:
Poor guy, it's terrible that he feels that way. It wasn't too long ago that I was at the same spot he is in, and while I wouldn't go as far as to say I hated myself, it did feel like being gay was something that had been forced on me, like some cruel joke from the universe.

I can't make out from your post if you used to feel that way or if you still do, but if you do you should both know that there's nothing wrong with being gay, it isn't something something external that 'happens' to you, it is a part of who you are and at some point you have to embrace it if you want to be happy with yourself.

He sounds like a really nice and sensitive guy, be there for him and try to help him come to terms with who he is (at his own pace) and be happy about it. Good luck. :)
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yeah well i used to feel like that when I was first coming to terms that i might be gay, however I realised that it's something which I can't change so have just got on with it. However if someone offered me a magic potion that would cure gayness, I'd still be willing to pay a lot of money to have it, but that would never happen so there's no point.

Had a really good talk with him, he seems to feel isolated although he still isn't convinced i'm gay lol
 
Had a really good talk with him, he seems to feel isolated although he still isn't convinced i'm gay

But is the issue that you are gay or that he is gay?

Go back to your first post about your friend's text messages.

You've established that you are gay. He is gay. You're attracted to him. He's having issues with his sexuality- as you do did - but he's not ready to accept that you are gay or that he is gay.

Now what?
 
I know what you mean about the magic potion, I felt the same way, but that way of thinking means you still think there's something wrong with being gay.

You shouldn't have to just accept or settle for being gay, that sounds more like what someone who's just been told they won't walk again after an accident does. Being gay doesn't stop you from accomplishing anything you want and living a happy life. It is society's views on homosexuality that make us scared or ashamed of our own feelings when we first start to realize we may be gay. Try to think of what it is that makes you not want to be gay and you'll see what I mean.

I could go on but I think this wasn't the purpose of the thread. :P Anyway, I'm glad he's opened up and is at least talking about it, it'll help him a lot (both of you, actually).

P.S. Kiss him and maybe then he'll believe you. ;)
 
You beat around the bush and found out what you thought to be true. Now what? The direct approach!

Have him over your place and have him check out this thread. There will be no doubts from him about you. He will know you have an interest in him, and it will be up to him to persue or not.

Good luck and keep us posted.
 
I was out last night (Friday) clubbing with a few mates, him included. Anyways drank quite a bit and towards the end of the night we were seperated from the rest of the lads. We were just talking and then he kissed me, although I pulled away after a few seconds out of shock more then anything. He was pretty pissed and threw up about 10 minutes later so maybes it was the alcohol talking. However the rest of the night he rarely talked to me and it was the same today (Saturday). Topped off by the fact he didn't turn up for a party tonight, gave him a ring and he just said he was still hungover but he would normally come either way and just not drink. I dunno what to think, I'm feeling mixed signals from him. He hasn't mentioned the kiss and am not sure if he remembers, should i mention it to him?

So much more complicated then relationships with girls, lol
 
Confused boys are like a bad tornado that you don't want to get sucked into.

Leave it alone until he gets his head together.

Just be glad he kissed you before he puked.
 
Just be glad he kissed you before he puked.

Haha, yeah, I'd be really thankful for that.

I don't really know what to tell you. Drunk people don't do stuff they don't want to, only stuff they wouldn't normally dare to. The original purpose of this thread was to ask people's opinions on whether your friend seemed gay or not because you like him. You now know he is gay, but that he has issues with his sexuality, so you have to be really careful, he probably isn't at a point yet where he'd be comfortable being with a guy.

I say you discard the idea of being anything more than friends for the time being; not because it can't happen, but because there's a pretty good chance that it won't work, since he's still struggling with who he is.

About the kiss, by the sound of it I'd guess he does remember and is a little freaked out about what happened. But I don't know him, you do, so you're the only one who can tell. I'd say you wait for him to bring it up. From past posts I get the idea that he's the kind of guy who needs to sort things out on his own for a bit before he's ready to talk about them. Be patient and wait until he's ready to talk.

Or another possibility is that since he supposedly doesn't believe you're gay he may be embarrassed about having kissed you so he's avoiding you. If you think this could be the case then I'd ask him up front if that's the reason. You're gonna have to analyze the situation and decide what is the best thing to do.

It sounds like he's making fast progress though, maybe all he needed was someone to talk to.
 
corbenik said:
Haha, yeah, I'd be really thankful for that.

I don't really know what to tell you. Drunk people don't do stuff they don't want to, only stuff they wouldn't normally dare to. The original purpose of this thread was to ask people's opinions on whether your friend seemed gay or not because you like him. You now know he is gay, but that he has issues with his sexuality, so you have to be really careful, he probably isn't at a point yet where he'd be comfortable being with a guy.

I say you discard the idea of being anything more than friends for the time being; not because it can't happen, but because there's a pretty good chance that it won't work, since he's still struggling with who he is.


Or another possibility is that since he supposedly doesn't believe you're gay he may be embarrassed about having kissed you so he's avoiding you. If you think this could be the case then I'd ask him up front if that's the reason. You're gonna have to analyze the situation and decide what is the best thing to do.

It sounds like he's making fast progress though, maybe all he needed was someone to talk to.
Click to expand...

Just be glad he kissed you before he puked.

lol, yeh pretty relieved ;)

About the kiss, by the sound of it I'd guess he does remember and is a little freaked out about what happened. But I don't know him, you do, so you're the only one who can tell. I'd say you wait for him to bring it up. From past posts I get the idea that he's the kind of guy who needs to sort things out on his own for a bit before he's ready to talk about them. Be patient and wait until he's ready to talk.

He brought it up yesterday and apoligised for it, I just said there was no need to apoligise and I had taken it as a compliment. We then had a long talk about relationships and what being gay means, in general. It was good, he is opening up to me a lot at the minute.
 
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