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Is my relationship at the brink of a breakup?

G

_Grim_

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Hello everyone!

I am in dire need of some advice regarding my relationship of almost 1 year! I would really appreciate everyones comments and advice. I know that usually if someone is talking about advice in regards to breaking up then usually that is the answer but I just want to make sure.


Me and my boyfriend have been dating since last January and for our one year we booked a trip to Cancun and literally 2 days ago I booked a europe vacation to Paris, Belgium, and Amsterdam.


Now to get to the bad part. Every once and a while we have bad fights were we both cuss each other out, yell, and go crazy. At like 4am in the morning he wakes me up and tells me to move the car and I repeatedly said WHY and he just tells me to go move the car and after I said I'm going back to sleep he says then MOVE OVER. -___-

Then later his dad comes in the room and asks me to move the car so he can go to work. After I move the car out of the way I go in his room and tell him "you are fucking mental why didn't you tell me he had to go to work. you cant just randomly tell me to move my fucking car"

I was so pissed and it just got worse from there.

So anyway, we fight about really stupid shit sometimes its my fault and sometimes its his fault. I love him...and he loves me and we both wouldn't cheat on each other.

The thing is when we are good to each other we are very romantic and people get jealous about how we are around each other and how we're comfortable around each other. Shit I still kind of want to spend the rest of my life with this banana head!](*,)

We used to live with each other for 6 months before but because of me having huge tuition bills for nursing school (20k), We just live at our parents house. When we were living with each other we never fought. Now when we go over and stay 2-3 nights we go crazy by the third night! If I just go see him for dinner and hang out and go home we're fine. Anything more than that and its **wars****wars****wars**

So what do I do! Is this normal? Will we get over it? I don't want to find anymore I just want us to be good to each other :(

Thanks in advance everyone (*8*)(*8*)(*8*)
 
tipmyscales86 said:
Sounds like you and him are having communication issues. That can be worked on, and if you love each other, it's worth a try.
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Thanks! I just talked to him and he said his friend said the same thing. But a question we both have is how do we go about doing that?
 
bw92116 said:
Why don't you try taking a short break from each other, say 1 month. Sometimes that can work wonders for a relationship.
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I told him that and he said "yeah no thanks". He's googling "How to solve communication issues" lmao


I tried for a week and a half and thought it would work but it just made us both feel like crap and we both missed each other a lot. I wish it could be solved without a break :(
 
Check for a book. Or a website. The book doesn't have to be "for gays". Just look for one on communication for couples.

I had a relationship with a guy for ten years. We met in 1970. I've always felt, if could have gone to a counselor (gay friendly), we could have stayed together. We broke up during 1981. We both loved each afterwards. He later died of AIDS.

On one gay site, it has a psychologist that answers questions about gays.
The site is www.365gay.com . It is called, "Ask the expert".

There is good advice on JUB. I've found in relationships, it is always important to pick your fight. In other words, make sure it is worth fighting about, or can it just be ignored.
 
_Grim_ said:
Thanks! I just talked to him and he said his friend said the same thing. But a question we both have is how do we go about doing that?
Click to expand...
Some good advice in this thread. Learn from your mistakes. Learn what those mistakes are. A simple explanation from your bf that his father needed to go to work would have avoided an argument. A lot of times arguments and misunderstandings come from a little explanation that is left unsaid.
 
The two of you have fallen into unhealthy communication patterns. It's up to both of you to learn to communicate with respect. That means no shouting, no accusations, no turning small issues into big fights and physical abuse.

Your university may offer couples counseling. You can try self-help but it's tough to un-learn these bad habits without a impartial third party to mediate.
 
lucky7 said:
Yea don't take a break... that usually doesnt work.

Sit down and have an honest talk.. make an agreement on how you will solve fights peacefully. Make a concerted effort to talk things out rather than scream and yell.

If you guys love each other you will be perfectly fine.
Click to expand...

Txgoodoldboy said:
Check for a book. Or a website. The book doesn't have to be "for gays". Just look for one on communication for couples.

I had a relationship with a guy for ten years. We met in 1970. I've always felt, if could have gone to a counselor (gay friendly), we could have stayed together. We broke up during 1981. We both loved each afterwards. He later died of AIDS.

On one gay site, it has a psychologist that answers questions about gays.
The site is www.365gay.com . It is called, "Ask the expert".

There is good advice on JUB. I've found in relationships, it is always important to pick your fight. In other words, make sure it is worth fighting about, or can it just be ignored.
Click to expand...

tipmyscales86 said:
Some good advice in this thread. Learn from your mistakes. Learn what those mistakes are. A simple explanation from your bf that his father needed to go to work would have avoided an argument. A lot of times arguments and misunderstandings come from a little explanation that is left unsaid.
Click to expand...

KaraBulut said:
The two of you have fallen into unhealthy communication patterns. It's up to both of you to learn to communicate with respect. That means no shouting, no accusations, no turning small issues into big fights and physical abuse.

Your university may offer couples counseling. You can try self-help but it's tough to un-learn these bad habits without a impartial third party to mediate.
Click to expand...


Thank you SO much everyone! We are meeting at Starbucks to talk everything over! A lot of what everyone said makes a lot of sense.

I'm going to talk to him and explain that we shouldn't talk to each other with disrespect and that we should treat each other as best as we can etc etc. So hopefully everything goes alright!

Thank you so much erryone at JUB!!(*8*)(*8*)(*8*)(*8*)(*8*)(*8*)(*8*)
 
you need to sit down and have a long, honest talk with each other. Let it other know how you feel, find out and work on the problems that trigger the arguments.


A big key to a LTR is communication, that's the foundation for it to build the rest.

makes sure you let it know that you want to work on these issue and that you care about him 1st and foremost....that you dont want to lose each other.

I have been with my honey for 26+yrs and it takes work, honesty, love, communication, trust. And it will work.....|
 
You too need to sit down and have a long talk to work out the issues.
Taking a break won't help, because the issues you two are avoiding will still be there.
Talk it out and see where it goes from there
 
Yeah, trying to have a relationship without the occasional, potentially-awkward serious talk... it leads to built up frustration until it overflows into fights/arguments. If there are things you are afraid to communicate to your partner, you should wonder why.
 
KaraBulut said:
The two of you have fallen into unhealthy communication patterns. It's up to both of you to learn to communicate with respect. That means no shouting, no accusations, no turning small issues into big fights and physical abuse.

Your university may offer couples counseling. You can try self-help but it's tough to un-learn these bad habits without a impartial third party to mediate.
Click to expand...

Im with Kara on this one!! ..|

If he asks you to move your car... then just move it like pronto.. or better still, dont park his father (or anyone) in then you wont have these kinda problems (at 4am) to begin with.
 
Deandbn said:
If he asks you to move your car... then just move it like pronto.. or better still, dont park his father (or anyone) in then you wont have these kinda problems (at 4am) to begin with.
Click to expand...

I can understand not wanting to do something without being told the reason to, but it does show immaturity on both sides.

I think the bolded advice is great, even if it doesn't solve the deeper problem.
 
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