Is my straight friend really straight?

[Rex]

I have a friend who comes from a small town. He's had a long term girlfriend and has been on and off with her for about 7 years.

He is constantly talking about women and is a big horn dog but there have been a few signs that make me think he's confused about his sexuality. One time, another friend of ours made a joke to him saying "hey, I have a sore on my penis. you should check it out and tell me if it's anything serious". He was saying this to him as a joke but I guess the guy took it seriously. He constantly brought this up to me asking if I think the other guy is gay for saying that. I told him a bunch of times I think he was just joking with him.

This guy also has brought up a few guys he suspects are gay. He also mentioned to me that next to the town he lives in, there are a lot of weird people. He said there are hippies and gays. It just seems like he constantly brings up gay people and his thoughts on who he thinks is gay.

One time when we were alone hanging out in his room and had a few beers, he whipped out his penis in a joking manner, but I just thought that was a strange thing to do. I know a lot of straight guys joke around like that just to be crude or shocking but none of my other friends would do something like that. He also was showing me a bunch of pictures from back home where he was at a lake with a bunch of his friends and one of the pictures was of his ass when he was mooning the camera.


His thoughts of homosexuality is pretty negative. He is pretty homophobic, and that gives me more reason to think he is insecure with his own sexuality and the fact that he always brings up gay people makes me think he is bisexual and very conflicted about his own sexuality. He defenitely doesn't "act gay". He is very masculine and a man's man type of guy, but it seems like there are all these signs that something is up with him.




Am I just crazy or do you think this is true?

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

he got arms legs healthy got roof ova head ans can touch his a nose?

if yes

then ya got ya answer
unless ya lookin fa folk ta run with ya show or sumthang

anyway enjoy ya homo phobics of bi straight pureee

thankyou

 

[Jayden]

Another one of these threads from you?

 

[nycguydowntown]

think it's true---I've known str guys like this and they want a dick in their ass---whether it ever happens---who knows---

 

[swerve]

From reading your post, I tend to agree with you...

Does he know that YOU are bisexual???

IF SO -- he may find these things EASIER to talk to YOU about...

Everyone comes to terms with their own sexual identity at different stages in their lives...

I would continue to be supportive in your friendship with ONE exception -- whenever he says something disparaging towards gay people, I would call him out on it...

Your description of him makes me believe that there IS a possibility he struggling with his own emotions...

Keep us posted!!!

 

[Seasoned]

Maybe and if so, so what?

 

[Rex]

When I told him I was bisexual, he felt really uncomfortable for a few moments. He just sort of stood there thinking to himself for a few moments. It was almost like he was questioning himself for a second or something.

When I came out to my other friends, there was some shock but they didn't become uncomfortable with themselves for that moment. They just felt awkward with the discussion.



For the record, this thread isn't about me trying to make a move on him or force him out of the closet. It's just to get a second opinion.

 

[Rolyo85]

Sounds perfectly straight to me...

 

[KaraBulut]

The studies say that the heterosexual guys that tend to have sexual responses to other guys are the same guys that tend to be the most homophobic.

However, having an interest in men is not the same thing as being gay or bisexual. If it were that easy, most guys would call themselves "bi".

If guys tell you they're straight then consider them straight. If they tell you they are straight and then make homophobic comments then consider then "conflicted" at best, "fucked up" at worse- but still "straight".

 

[AngelFromAbove]

The studies say that the heterosexual guys that tend to have sexual responses to other guys are the same guys that tend to be the most homophobic.

However, having an interest in men is not the same thing as being gay or bisexual. If it were that easy, most guys would call themselves "bi".

If guys tell you they're straight then consider them straight. If they tell you they are straight and then make homophobic comments then consider then "conflicted" at best, "fucked up" at worse- but still "straight".

Could you elaborate on that? How is not having an interest in someone of the same sex not the same as being bisexual or homosexual? Unless we are discussing non-sexual interest or arousal vs. attraction.

Regardless, even if most men could recognize that they're bisexual, it would not mean that they would call themselves that term for a few reasons.

 

[qget12]

Could you elaborate on that? How is not having an interest in someone of the same sex not the same as being bisexual or homosexual? Unless we are discussing non-sexual interest or arousal vs. attraction.

Regardless, even if most men could recognize that they're bisexual, it would not mean that they would call themselves that term for a few reasons.

Believe it or not, sexuality activity doesn't indicate sexual orientation. Sexual orientation as a concept is very flawed.

For example: I, and many others on here, frequently have sex with our hands. However, I am not attracted, exclusively or otherwise, to hands.

This isn't really the right topic to discuss it but I think that is the crux of what kara was saying.

 

[Rolyo85]

A less confusing explanation is that some minor interest does not define your sexuality. It's the other 90% that matter. Or in some cases like mine - the other 100% ^_^

 

[AngelFromAbove]

Believe it or not, sexuality activity doesn't indicate sexual orientation. Sexual orientation as a concept is very flawed.

For example: I, and many others on here, frequently have sex with our hands. However, I am not attracted, exclusively or otherwise, to hands.

This isn't really the right topic to discuss it but I think that is the crux of what kara was saying.

Karabalut used the word interest. I'm referring to that word and I'm trying to make sure that I understand it the same way as him. He did not mention behavior.

In addition, I know that sexual behavior does not equate to sexual orientation. I assure you that I understand human sexuality. However, you're right, let's not hijack the thread anymore.

Rolyo85, that's a connotative definition of sexual orientation that you're giving. Therefore, it's not really credible. Anyway, continue with the original topic.

 

[KaraBulut]

However, having an interest in men is not the same thing as being gay or bisexual. If it were that easy, most guys would call themselves "bi".

Could you elaborate on that? How is not having an interest in someone of the same sex not the same as being bisexual or homosexual? Unless we are discussing non-sexual interest or arousal vs. attraction.

Humans are very complex. Everything isn't always about sex. We always want to make things simple when human interaction is very complicated.

One of the reasons that we get so many "Is he gay?" threads in the forum is that there are guys who like attention from guys or are affectionate with their male friends or feel like they can be themselves with male friends or even prefer the company of other guys. Yet these guys identify as "straight".

If someone says they are "gay", take their word for it. If they say they're "straight", accept that they are what they say they are.

 

[TX-Beau]

The other reason we get so many "...is he gay threads..." is that the OP is indulging in wishful thinking.


But back to the thread.

Standard answer, why does it matter, If he is gay and has issues he's effectively straight. If he's gay with no issues he doesn't want you to know.

If he's straight he's telling the truth.

So why does it matter?

If he wants to discuss it with you he will, if he won't he won't and there's nothing you can do about that.

No one in here knows. You're perspective is just yours. For all we know you are completely misreading him. We have no insight into this guy who isn't in here and we don't know. All we know is what you suspect, and you could be complely off in left field.

The only guy who knows is him, and if he won't tell you, and you are a friend - you take him at his word.