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Is phone sex cheating?

irishdreamer2287

irishdreamer2287

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Hey Guys,

I recently was giving the idea of phone sex some thought. Whether is should be viewed as cheating or not. Now I realize that in some situations I would definitely consider it cheating, like if the person has formed an emotional attachment to the person on the other end of the phone. But lets have another example...say you are dating someone who you really like and things are going good. You are having great dates, and being physical on a normal basis and you honestly like him. Would you still look at porn and jack off? And if you would, would you consider it cheating?

I know its a weird jump from phone sex to looking at porn but hear me out... I feel like (in my case at least) they are on the same page, in terms of doing something strictly for your personal pleasure. You are looking at other men having sex and then cumming yourself from it. With phone sex (as long as its random) you are hearing another guy get off and interacting with him....but really he is a totally random voice and you are using it to get yourself off. It is totally safe in terms of STDs and whatnot. It different from someone using a justification about random hookups not having an emotional attachment with them because in the cases of viewing porn and phone sex you are alone and not putting your partner in any physical danger from diseases and you are not developing any feelings for a one time phone voice.

That is why I wanted to see what other people on here had to say. If getting off by looking at another guy isn't cheating then does getting off hearing another guy (as long as once again it stays totally random) considered cheating?
 
You're making a good comparison, but if it is no big deal then the thing to do is tell the person you're in a relationship with.
 
Well I haven't had phone since I have been with the guy...this was more just to see if what I said was making sense to anyone on here.
 
To a point, it makes sense to me but my ideas may not be his.

To me, people have a natural curiosity about others, and that is not a sign of disloyalty or cheating or anything. Watching people who are willing to show it off in porn is not a problem to me, neither would seeing a stripper at a club and cheering him on, it is all in good fun. My guy watches porn and I get a kick out of it.

I take it you're asking because you don't want to mess things up with your guy. But really he's the only one who can say if it would bug him or not. If it does bother him, maybe he has a good reason why.

Also, it is a good opportunity to have a reasonable discussion about it. Right now, it is easy. You can tell him you have a total phone sex fantasy. If he freaks out, you can honestly tell him you haven't done it since you've been with him, and that you have been respectful of his place in your life. If he thinks it is hot, maybe he will encourage you. Maybe he will want to listen in, or join you even.

The thing is, he can't get mad at you for just having a fantasy, and he can't complain about it if you haven't actually done anything about it. If he has a good reason why he doesn't like it, you'll work it out. If he goes off the deep end just because you have a fantasy that you've never even acted on, then you know your relationship has bigger issues.

The other option is you take our advice, and then hope like hell he agrees after the fact.
 
If you're doing it behind your partner's back and without his/her knowlege, it's cheating.
 
I have a thread about this as well. My partner went behind my back and had phone sex on a phone sex hotline and when our phone bill came, I called the number and found out what it was.

I think it is simply something that you have to make very clear in a relationship. If you don't approve of your man having phone sex with other men, then tell him that. I personally do not find it okay, though I wouldn't go so far as to call it cheating. But it certainly is one of the first steps, in my opinion.
 
Thanks for your opinions guys. Like I said I was just thinking more about the correlation between the visual looking at other guys vs listening to other guys. I don't really have a big phone sex fantasy myself. But anyway thanks again :-)
 
irishdreamer2287 said:
Thanks for your opinions guys. Like I said I was just thinking more about the correlation between the visual looking at other guys vs listening to other guys. I don't really have a big phone sex fantasy myself. But anyway thanks again :-)
Click to expand...

It's not really the same. With porn you have no direct connection with the performers. They are not looking at you or talking directly to you and they are not working solely to get you off. Their performance is shared with a vast amount of people and there really is nothing significant about you alone. With phone sex it is one on one and about your direct pleasure and his direct pleasure. You are feeding off of one another and connecting in a way. The language usually used in phone sex is, "I want to lick..." "I am licking..." " Lick my..." "Do you want my tongue..." and that creates a connection between you and the other guy. Phone sex is a little bit more personal than porn even if the guy you are talking to means nothing to you. He still directly and solely shared something with you in that moment, so in my opinion it is not really the same.
 
I think the difference between Porn/Masturbation and Phone Sex was outlined pretty clearly by you. When you watch porn and masturbate it is very much a one sided activity. You are doing it for your pleasure and your pleasure alone. There is no interaction with the porn stars. When you are having phone sex with someone you are engaging in a sexual activity with someone else. It doesn't matter that the person is anonymous and that there are no emotional ties. If those were the boundaries, you could then say that meaningless, anonymous sex wasn't cheating. So on and so forth. So to get to the point in a round about way, it's the sexual interaction with someone else, no matter the intent, that pushes it into the cheating spectrum in my opinion.
 
I'll disagree with most people here and say phone sex is not cheating. It's not even close to cheating.

If your relationship is so fragile, or your sex life is so boring, that talking to someone on the phone is more interesting than playing with your boyfriend, then there are serious issues.

I can see phone sex as an occasional thing--especially if the person has a fetish that the bf isn't interested in. Seems harmless to me.

Now, if the person is having phone sex more often than real sex with the boyfriend, then there are serious relationship problems. Phone sex is just a reflection of that, not a cause.
 
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