is sexcam cheating ?

[holycrap]

hi,

some one (in the internet dating site) has told me that my bf is having a sexcam with his bf before, about 3 times.....and now they are over.....his point out my bf profile as well...and said that he's really sure is him

am not sure whether is it true or not and dont know how to proceed from here ...

wondering you guys can give me any advices ?

 

[AdmiraalW238]

Hmm...how to answer this...

1. From my perspective I would not class having wank on a webcam as cheating...but that is me.

2. The fact that you BF appears to still have an account on an 'internet dating site' is an issue. For me, if I have a BF I would 'deactivate' any internet dating site account that I had for the simple reason that if I have a BF I dont need to access an internet dating site. Of course that would be different if we were in an open relationship.

3. the 'someone' says "he is sure it is him"...my question to the someone is if the internet dating site has photos of you BF and the someone has met your BF then he would KNOW if it was your BF.

4. I personally think the 'someone' has ulterior motives for telling you.

5. Matt18 raises a valid point. Simply ask him in a non confrontational way if he webcams with other people and gets off...if he says yes then tell him that you would prefer that he does not do that. If he says, no, then forget about it and move on. If he says that he likes to webcam and get off then you would need to consider where you go from that point.

 

[KaraBulut]

The answer to your question "is sexcam cheating ? " is only one that you and your partner can answer. Every couple has a different set of rules and if you feel that getting off on cam with another person is cheating- then is it cheating.

You have lots of reasons to be concerned, though. The fact that he's camming with an ex is a big concern. The fact that he has a profile on a dating site is a concern.

Of course, it sounds like you have a profile on a dating site, too?

 

[holycrap]

hi guys,

sure i do have a profile in that dating site, but i rarely log in and reply to any message.

but he does has a active profile, he login mostly everyday and told me its for fun and only chatting with friends..that what he told me....

about the sexcam with someone else, for me its an insult...you got me already and you need someone else to wank off..that is not acceptable.

i really confused now..huhuhuhuhhu

 

[sixthson]

Something is fishy in Sweden. Any guy who checks onto such a site on a daily basis and is camming with guys doesn't sound like he is ready to settle down with one guy.

To me, anything like camming or even cyber sex, when done behind your back, is a form of cheating.

You need to talk and tell him you are not happy about this.
He needs to ask himself why he needs this if he loves you.
Does he love you? Do you love him?

 

[G-Lexington]

Yeah, there is some grey area in the realm of cheating, but I think it's a matter of attitude. If he has been webcamming, he hasn't told you about it. And I don't think he hasn't told you because he doesn't think it's any big deal. I think he hasn't told you because he doesn't want you to know. To me that's indicative of "cheating", no matter what the activity is.

First off, delete YOUR account. It's hard to claim the moral high ground when you've got your own profile up there.

Secondly, talk to him. Tell him you heard he's been webcamming with other guys, and that this revelation hurt you. He may deny it, he may not - what really matters is his reaction to the whole thing. If he reassures you he won't do it (again), take him at his word. He'll know his secret is out, and that he'll need to make a choice about it.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

about the sexcam with someone else, for me its an insult...you got me already and you need someone else to wank off..that is not acceptable.

You just answered your own question: Re: is sexcam cheating ?

For you, it is.

Time for a chat with the boyfriend.

 

[SurfBoy18]

Yes, its cheating!!!!!! Well not really. But I guess it could be. Damn this is a tough question!

 

[notsoordinary]

I would agree with sixthson on this one, just rephrasing it in Swedish;

Måste hålla med att om han umgås på dating-sajter så måste det ligga något mer bakom det. Du skall behöva vara tillräckligt för honom och om han nu vill chatta med vänner finns det andra sätt än sajter specifikt för dejting! Om han nu webcamma med sitt ex finns det inget som säger att han inte kommer göra samma sak igen. Prata med honom om det men som alla andra sa, så verkar han inte redo för ett riktigt förhållande!

Lycka till Swede!

 

[JackFTwist]

^^^^

damn I am all about to say jag älskar dig and someone clobbers me with that bit of Swedish

hell yeah he is cheating on you - if you have to ask, it is -

now what you do about it is something else

you can live with it, or insist that he only do it with you, or that he give it up

you need to talk with him - for some guys it feels like just watching sports - but no good comes of this long term -

you are in our hearts and prayers as you grapple with this

(if your avatar is your actual real life picture, your boyfriend is a dumb fuck - most of us would be happy just to look at you all day)

 

[fuzzy64]

No I don't think having sex on cam is cheating.. your not having any actual physical contact with anyone, your just jacking off for someone on your cam. When that contact turns to actual contact then the stakes change. but no doing it on cam isn't cheating, at least I don't think so..

 

[soleone]

I would only feel like he is cheating if I am not his priority. If he stops giving me the same attention that we had in the beginning, something is up. The line has been crossed when he starts going places to hang out with someone he met on sexcam.

 

[AdmiraalW238]

...The line has been crossed when he starts going places to hang out with someone he met on sexcam.

Exactly, the second they cross the line and meet up with someone they 'sexcammed' with is a whole different kettle of fish.

 

[KaraBulut]

Originally Posted by soleone
...The line has been crossed when he starts going places to hang out with someone he met on sexcam.


AdmiraalW238: Exactly, the second they cross the line and meet up with someone they 'sexcammed' with is a whole different kettle of fish.

Reminder: he's camming with an ex. That line was crossed before the camming.

 

[LatinoSTAR]

i only consider it cheating as if there is body contact, and its in the same country.

 

[tallguy297]

I would agree with sixthson on this one, just rephrasing it in Swedish;

Måste hålla med att om han umgås på dating-sajter så måste det ligga något mer bakom det. Du skall behöva vara tillräckligt för honom och om han nu vill chatta med vänner finns det andra sätt än sajter specifikt för dejting! Om han nu webcamma med sitt ex finns det inget som säger att han inte kommer göra samma sak igen. Prata med honom om det men som alla andra sa, så verkar han inte redo för ett riktigt förhållande!

Lycka till Swede!

Wow! I'm sure that Holycrap appreciates the time it took for you to translate this for him Notsoordinary... but for the rest of us its a bit of a head spin!

Your advice and views are as important as anyones elses mate, and I like the rest of the guys want to be able to read & understand them too, so please guys, post in English (even though this was simply a translation). There's an incredible array of nationalities from all over the world here on JUB which is what helps it make it the place that it is, but it is an English speaking based site and so we need to keep that in mind.

That way Holycrap and the other guys on the site from all over the globe can get the benefit of everybody's valuable input!

Cheers and thanks!

TG.

 

[soleone]

KaraB... OMG you make a good point. I forgot about that part. He's gotta go.... I can't stand when my BF even mentions his ex!

 

[soleone]

Sorry. That last post was a little rational. It is obvious that you have feelings for him still. Let us know where you stand. It's been a while since you've let us know.

 

[Ninja108]

sorry, but to me, being on a camera with someone else is cheating in my book. You don't perform shows for other people when you're in a committed relationship, that's jsut a step away from actually doing it. Tell him to stop his camera antics or dump him.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>i only consider it cheating as if there is body contact, and its in the same country.

So if I go to another country and touch somebody, it isn't cheating?

We all have our own rules and boundaries. Some people have completely open relationships. They can go out any time they want, find a random guy, fuck him silly, and come home with the guy's ejaculate all over his face...and it's still not cheating. Why? Because they've agreed to it beforehand. They've said, "It's cool if we do this."

Most couples don't sit down and list absolutely every possible sexual thing that might happen between two people, and vote on whether it's permissible or not. There are some general agreed-to guidelines. Most guys wouldn't freak out to find out that their boyfriend had masturbated while looking at a magazine, for example, whereas most would probably get upset at a one-night stand. I think the major key to "is it cheating?" is "how would my boyfriend feel about this if he knew?" Not that he has to know every single detail, but how would he feel if he knew you were camming with another guy? If you're pretty sure he'd have a problem with it, then it probably is cheating, and perhaps a little talk might be in order.

Lex